Helpless.   I hate feeling helpless.  Any time I face something I can't fix, that's how I feel.  It started when I was a little girl.  As some of you know, my sister developed epilepsy and started having seizures when she was 18 months old.  I would've been six.   I don't remember much about that time or the years that followed.   It's said that trauma can cause you to block out events and store them away in the recesses of your mind.  Children are especially prone to this because they don't have the coping skills to deal with them.


There are a few things that I do remember; such as the time when my sister was in Kindergarten and she started having seizures that wouldn't stop and the doctor told us there was no hope…helpless.  Another time when she was around eleven, she had ten seizures in one day.  All I could do was stand by and wait for them to pass…helpless.   This feeling of helplessness made me feel out of control and put me on a path of making sure I would do everything in my power to stay in control.   It got so bad that I would manipulate people and circumstances in order to stay in that place. 


I'm sure you can imagine how well that worked.  The harder I tried, the more out of control I felt because life happens to everyone and like it or not, sometimes there is nothing we can do to fix it.


Lately I've been battling with control again.  It's never really left but subsides if things are going my way.  I've had some physical issues lately that have triggered old feelings and emotions and it's made me feel that I was going backward which terrifies me.


Today I met with my counselor.  She asked me two things.   First she asked “Who's in control?”   I knew the right answer was God and that's what I told her but then she asked me “If Jesus were here, could you convince Him you believe that?”   I was dumbfounded and it took me several minutes to give her an answer and that answer was “no.”    I couldn't convince Him because I wasn't convinced myself. 


Oh, how I want to be convinced.  I'm not saying I've never trusted God because I have but I pick and choose when and how.  In the situation I'm facing now, it's one that I've fought Him for control all my life.  When Jesus gave His life for me, it was for all of me, not just for the pieces I would choose to accept.


Think of it this way.  Imagine an occasion is coming up and you knocked yourself out to make it beautiful.  Part of it involved making a lot of sacrifices to buy special gifts to hand out.   As you gave out the gifts, you noticed certain people pushing some of the gifts to the side and they left without taking them home.  I know I would feel sad and disappointed that what I had done was not enough.  This is what we do to Jesus when we don't surrender control in every area.


If you can relate, please join me in this prayer.   Father, I want to give You control in every area of my life.  Help me to recognize when I'm fighting You for it and release it.   You will never force me and it's my decision to make which I thankfully make now.  Dear God, help me to remember that You are with me wherever I go and You will always give me the strength I need in any situation.  Thank you for sacrificing Your only Son so I can walk in freedom from feeling the need to control.  Amen

It's Not The End

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 23, 2026
Are you one of those people who like to read the end of the story before finishing the book? This morning I've been sitting here feeling overwhelmed by life. There are things that are out of my control and a lot of uncertainty. For someone who likes to have a plan, it's my worst nightmare. God's word says that He finishes what He starts and He will complete the good work in me (Philippians 1:6 NIV). I struggle with that when I can't see the finish line. God's word also says He's the Alpha and the Omega which means He is the beginning and the end (Rev 22:13 NIV). To me, that means that He sees it all. He knew where I would be on any given day. He knew my circumstances before I did, but unlike me, He's not worrying and overcome with anxiety because He sees the end. So, once again, I have a choice to make. I can sit here overwhelmed because I can't see the way out, or, I can trust the One who can. Will I choose hope or despair? This leads me to faith which is choosing to believe even though we can't see the outcome. I had to ask myself where I was putting my faith. Hope and faith work together. No amount of striving can earn them. Each one of us has access to them. All we have to do is ask the One who freely gives. Jesus, I know you've written my story and You know how it ends. Everything in this life is temporary. Even though I can't see the end, help me to rest in the fact that You do and I can trust You with my life.

The Lost Sheep

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 11, 2026
A few weeks ago I shared about my estranged child. Mother's Day came and went without a word. I spent the day wondering/hoping I would hear something. I didn't expect a phone call but maybe a text. I told myself not to have any expectations, but I still did. I was almost angry at myself for thinking maybe this year would be different. This morning I sat here talking to the Lord. He wants me to be honest with Him so I didn't try to hide the sorrow and the rejection. I told Him I was hurt and I had to forgive my child once again. He reminded me that I had three other children who hadn't forgotten me and made me feel loved and honored, so why was the rejection of one so painful? It was then I remembered the story of the lost sheep. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, it's about a shepherd who has a flock of a hundred sheep. One of them goes astray and the shepherd leaves the ninety-nine to go find it. It was a gentle reminder that He will never give up on my child and He loves Him more than I could imagine. In the same way, God will never give up on any of us. No matter how much we run or push Him away, He will never leave us. I needed that encouragement, maybe you do too.

The Prodigal

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 19, 2026
For those of you who have a prodigal child, you're not alone. What I mean by prodigal is a child who has turned their back on you and put up walls of defense. It came as a surprise, a shock actually. I should've seen it coming but after years of butting heads, I truly thought we were in a better place. The revelation came in a letter where thoughts and feelings were shared. I felt my spirit being crushed as I read it and my heart broke. I know I wasn't the perfect mother. I had struggles and behaviors that had followed me since childhood. I had resolved never to treat my children the way I was treated, but how many of us know that sadly it still happens, but in a different way. When you have a prodigal, it's not about forgiveness and reconciliation, it's about the pain they feel we've inflicted and they can't let go of it. I keep hoping that some day, things will change but there's no guarantee as it takes two surrendered hearts that are open to be healed. It's been four years now since I received that letter. I have grieved in a way I never have before and there were times I didn't think I would make it through. It's a different kind of grief because you know it can change but it's out of your control. It's been a process and I've experienced rejection, abandonment, guilt and shame but it brought me to a place where I knew it was going to keep me in a prison of pain if I didn't surrender it to God so He could heal my heart. The Bible has a story about a prodigal son. Even though the son went his own way and abandoned his father, his father never gave up hope. When the son had an “aha” moment and realized how foolish he had been, he humbled himself and returned home. This is my favorite of the story: “So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. Luke 15:20 NIV” This is how God greets everyone who returns to Him, no matter what they've done. I pray I would react the same way with my son. If you have a prodigal, my heart goes out to you, but just know that God sees you and your child. He is working behind the scenes as He is a God of redemption and reconciliation. He will heal your broken heart and give you the strength to hold on.