Do you remember spinning in circles as a child?   The whole point was to get dizzy and stumble around trying not to fall down.


I'm sitting here watching my two granddaughters doing that exact thing.  They're twirling around and around with big smiles on faces and laughing as they stumble.  To be a child…


Somewhere along the line, this simple pleasure became a source of bondage for me.  I have a fear of vertigo.   In fact, I'm experiencing a season of it right now and it has me in a state of anxiety.  It's become a stronghold.


I have asked myself how this fear started.   I have prayed many times for God to take it away but I know the best way to get rid of it is to get to the root. 


If you ask God what's going on, He will tell you.  So today as I sat watching my grandchildren, He showed me that it was another area where I was afraid of losing control.   The difference between my grandchildren and myself was that they welcomed the loss of control while I am paralyzed by it.


I feel my chest tightening just talking about it so I know that hit the mark.   So what do I do with this?   I need to do what He's shown me to do…I need to face it and take the steps necessary to overcome it.


I've already talked to my doctor and my son and daughter-in-law, who are also doctors.   They all recommended a simple maneuver that should fix it.  The only problem is the maneuver will bring on the vertigo while I do it and the thought of it terrifies me.


I know I have to deal with it so today when I went to church, I went to the prayer room for prayer.  God is so merciful when we struggle.  I know I shouldn't be afraid to do this but He didn't judge me.  Instead, He sent a woman to pray with me and it turned out she knew exactly what I was talking about because she too had to do the same exercise for vertigo.  It was then I looked at her name rag.  Her name was Hope.  God used that woman to give me hope when I needed it most. 


Two days have passed and I'm still wrestling with this.  I spoke to my counselor who told me she did the same maneuver on her husband and his vertigo stopped.   I didn't need any other confirmation of what I needed to do.   After our phone call, I positioned myself to do the maneuver.  The first step is to lie back quickly until I'm flat on the bed.    I went halfway a couple of times and then the fear would get me and I'd sit straight up again.  At one point I got up and sat in a chair beating myself up with shame.


I knew I had to face this fear but in order to do so, I had to walk through it.   I prayed and asked God for courage.  I stood up, sat down on the bed and did the maneuver.  It made the vertigo pretty intense and I wanted to get up and run but God gave me the strength to finish the exercise.  The last step was to rise to a sitting position.  There was no vertigo and I haven't had any since.  I had no idea whether that maneuver would work for me but I knew I had to try even if it didn’t.


 I'm reminded of the verse from Psalm 56:3: 


“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”


No matter if the fear is small or a stronghold, God is greater than your fear and He will strengthen you as you walk through it. 


Jesus, thank that You know our fears and You want us free from them.  Please help us bring them to You and receive the strength and courage to take that first step and You walk us through to the other side. 

Your Worst Enemy

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 25, 2025
“You are your own worst enemy.” How many times have I said that to myself? I've come to realize that although there's truth to it, there's something else that's even greater. It's name is shame. Shame is the enemy of our soul. We don't even realize it's there. It makes itself comfortable within us and settles in for the long haul. Shame becomes familiar and it rises up when we least expect it and knocks us off our feet. It likes to be in control. Shame has had a grip on me since I was a child. It started when I was bullied by other kids because of my weight. I was the brunt of jokes and a target for snowballs. Names like “Fatso” replaced my own and it didn't take long until I believed their lies. Shame has a voice. It says, “something's wrong with you. You're not good enough.” By the time I became an adult, it affected every area of my life. It stole my identity. I've spent my life trying to prove that I was good enough. I fell into the trap trying to be all things to all people. I took on responsibilities that were not mine to take as I tried to fix everyone's problems. Underneath it all was a desperate need to know I was loved and accepted. The more I strove, the more shame laughed in my face. I got to the place of brokenness where I physically walked with my head down. Shame thought it had won. I was at my lowest point and I cried out to God in desperation. I didn't see fireworks or hear the Hallelujah Chorus but an awareness started deep in my soul. I realized that what I needed most was not the love and acceptance of others but His love. What amazed me was I had it all along. I had heard about it. I knew it in my head but all my striving and need for control kept it from reaching my heart. I didn't need to earn it. It was there waiting for me to accept it. Now there's a transformation going on within me. It's not happening overnight. I still wrestle with shame but it doesn't have a grip on me. I walk with my head up and I'm learning who I really am. I'm learning to love myself because He loves me. It's a daily choice I have to make to turn to God and lean on Him. The power is in surrender. When I am weak. He is strong. There's no shame in weakness. Maybe your experience is similar to mine. Shame likes to hide so I would encourage you to pray for awareness and when you get it, surrender the striving and need for control. The shame will leave as it gets exposed and comes face to face with the Lover of our souls. It can't stand in His presence. The freedom and peace you long for are waiting.

Broken Crayons Still Color

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 6, 2025
When I was a child, I loved the box of crayons that had 64 colors. I gravitated toward the metallic ones because they were so unique. Two years ago, I took a trip with my grandchildren to the Crayola Crayon Factory. I don't know who was more excited. After going through the various exhibits, we ended up in the gift shop where we could take a container and fill it with every crayon color imaginable. I felt like a kid again as I chose each one. I told myself I was buying them for my grandchildren but I knew who they were for. I don't have to tell you I chose every metallic color they had. Back at home, I was wary of letting the grandkids use them for fear they would break them and once they were broken, I didn't want to use them. Ridiculous I know. Next month, I'll be 70 years old. As this milestone comes closer, so does a lot of self-awareness and introspection. I used to think that by this age, I'd have shifted into the “golden years” and everything would be ok. My kids would be grown and settled. I would be retired and spending time teaching my grandchildren how to bake cookies and volunteering somewhere doing community service. I also thought I'd be growing old with the love of my life and we would finally get to travel to all the places we had always wanted to see. Yes, my kids are grown and I do travel but not the way I thought. My body has decided to start protesting its age so I am limited in what I can do and I find myself alone most of the time. I've started to wonder if this is all there is? Why am I still here? Maybe you've felt the same way. I don't know exactly what the reason is other than I have the blessing and wisdom of living this long. I've had trials and challenges that I've walked through and come out the other side. My heart's desire is to help others who are discouraged and feel hopeless. I've asked myself many times how I could help someone else when I have such a long way to go myself and then I heard the words, “broken crayons still color.” Those words changed my perspective and gave me purpose. They showed me that God can take me in my broken, imperfect state and use me for good. He doesn't see the broken crayon, He sees the beautiful colors and He sees my heart. He sees the whole picture. So as long as I have breath, there's a reason. He's not finished with me yet.

Take the Time

By Eileen Glotfelty • January 15, 2025
I've heard a lot about the importance of sitting in silence and solitude. I've never been a fan of either one. Silence makes me feel awkward so I try to fill it by rattling on about something random. Most times it would've been better if I kept my mouth shut. Solitude is another story. I would never voluntarily choose to be alone. I used to think solitude was a result of rejection and I would do everything in my power to avoid it. Lately, I've been looking at both in a different light. I've been on a search for God's love for a long time. I had heard of it but it always seemed just beyond my grasp. Yesterday a friend challenged me. He asked me what my time with God looked like. I answered him honestly. God was part of a routine. I get up and don't know what to do with myself so I sit and have my “quiet time” with the Lord for lack of anything else. A default. He then told me about his time of silence and solitude. It was a beautiful thing full of raw emotion and longing. He came away feeling loved and strengthened. As he spoke, I felt something stir within me. I wanted what he had. I wanted to meet with God and to know His love. God was waiting and He wanted me to come to Him and I did. It's hard to explain but all I know is that I woke up with anticipation and expectation. I went to my chair and started thinking of times where God met me. He's carried me through many storms, held my hand as I walked through the unknown and held me as I cried many tears. He's healed my heart when it's been broken and guided me when I had no idea what to do. I remembered how He loved my kids and brought them through trauma and tragedy when they didn't know He was there. He's healed me physically and emotionally and never turned His back on me even when I turned my back on Him. As I sat there I got a sense of His mercy, love and faithfulness. Words came to my mind that were so clear that I had to write them down. In closing, I'd like to share them and encourage you that if any of it resonates, take some time and embrace the silence and solitude. God will meet you there. "Your Love Your love is peace. Your love is power. Your love is mercy. Your love is faithfulness. Your love is strength. You came as a baby. You surrendered Your power and authority for me. You suffered for me. You didn't have to, but You did. How can I ever thank You? You didn't do it for praise. You did it for love.”