Deconstruction- Not a threat to the church, but an opportunity of healing.


I have Tik Tok (gasp!). Something that I have noticed as a theme that comes across my profile, quite often, are from those who deconstruct from Christianity.  I have been noticing that those who are deconstructing have been hurt by the church to the point that they do not know what is true to believe anymore. How can they believe in the loving God of Christianity, when those in power have brought hurt on those they are supposed to lead?



How can we, as Christians, help them journey toward healing instead of judging their crises of faith? Usually those who are in that season are angry. Digging through the anger is a tough journey, and I have been there. I know what it’s like to be angry and I remember having thoughts like: “Everything I believed must be a lie? I don’t want to give up on Jesus. I believe in him. But others who represent him have completely shown me a Jesus that I cannot get behind”. Those type of thoughts can be paralyzing. The fear of “losing my salvation” (whether you believe in that or not) became even more a reality. I felt my whole world shaken, and had panic attacks even at the thought of attending church again.

Many of the thoughts that enter the person’s mind can be used by the enemy to continue to hurt the individual and keep them running away from church. Church is not greater than God. A pastor is anointed to lead a church, but that is not an anointed to the level equal to God. A pastor is a human. They are fallible and WILL make mistakes. I know I have. It’s unfortunately part of our sinful human nature.


If you are in a wonderful opportunity to help others who are on that journey, you can do a few things that are beneficial.

1.    Don’t take sides. Even if the pastor was wrong, it is important to remember that this person needs support, encouragement, love, and not additional fuel to the fiery anger they feel within- even if the anger is justified. The Word of God teaches us “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:8, ESV)

2.    Listen to the individual. Don’t just listen to respond but listen to understand. “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. ” (James 1:19-20) In their anger or pain, they might not be able to hear very clearly, so the ownness is on you. Listen to understand and help the individual feel safe with you.

3.    Keep it confidential. Do not go to the church leader yourself to try and solve this. The person on this journey needs time to reconcile their pain with the truth.

4.    Remind them that the pastor/leader is not God. The truth is Jesus is not the one that caused the pain or hurt. The person who hurt them will be held accountable by God for their actions or inactions.

5.    If the issue they bring forward warrants an appeal to the church board, or however that congregation’s accountability is set up, offer to go with them as support. Don’t go with an agenda to bring the other person down, but to bring it to the authority whose job is to hold leadership accountable.

6.    Don’t feel you are absolutely responsible for the actions that the pastor/leader, or the person who was hurt will take.

7.    Pray for and with them. Pray with them while they are confessing what’s happening. Pray for them when they are not in your presence.

8.    Remember that this takes time. Do not expect for the person to find healing after one time of talking with you about it. I know on my own journey I still struggle with moments of grief and anger. I have to do my best to remember that justice is in God’s hands.


My journey of deconstruction is as unique as the next person’s. I never lost faith in Jesus, but I lost sight on how to trust others who call themselves Christians, especially leaders. Through counseling I am way better today than I was a year and a half ago as I was finishing my Master of Divinity degree. I can say that today, my faith in Jesus is stronger than ever and my loyalty to leadership is where it should have been years ago- not being blindly loyal to any one person or group. God used this journey to strengthen me and to experience His healing nature, His grace for others and I feel more loved by God now than ever before.

A final note is that deconstruction can turn into glory for God. If there is a problem with leadership, God will turn it towards good (Romans 8:28) IF we ask Him to and then allow God time to make it right. We do not take matters into our own hands, and we must encourage someone who is going through this process to keep their faith in God. God, being the King of justice, will handle any due justice His way and in His time. That is probably the hardest lesson for me to remember as I recover from my own deconstruction journey. 

Christmas Past and Present

By Eileen Glotfelty • December 25, 2025
My children grew up knowing what it meant to do without, especially the older two. We were on a strict grocery budget of $50 a week for a family of six. We didn't have money for snacks and treats but we never went hungry. There were times they had holes in their shoes and their boots leaked so we put plastic bags on their feet so they could go out and play in the snow. We did the best with what we had and I'd like to think my kids grew stronger because of it. The Bible says the apostle Paul learned to be content whether he had little or plenty. We tried to hold onto that. We experienced many miracles over the years in our times of need. I call them miracles because they came at just the right moment and sometimes with no explanation. One of those miracles came on Christmas Eve. I don't remember the year but I know my children were young. It had been a hard year financially as my husband was in and out of work. As Christmas drew near, our parents sent some money for presents and I was thankful but my mother's heart longed to give them more. On this particular Christmas Eve, I had put the kids to bed. The tree was up, cookies were baked and now it was just a matter of waiting. The only lights on in the house were that of our Christmas tree. It was calm and peaceful. It was then I heard a knock on the door. I wondered who it could be at that time of the night. When I opened the door, no one was there. The only thing I saw were shopping bags filled with presents. I was so surprised that it took a minute to realize it wasn't a dream. There was a shopping bag for each child. As I placed the gifts under the tree, I was filled with awe at the generosity. I don't have to tell you of the joy on their faces the next morning when they saw all the presents under the tree. Several years later I found out who blessed my family that Christmas Eve. It was a woman who knew someone in our church. She wanted to bless someone at Christmas and she was given our name. It turned out, she ran to the side of the house after knocking on our door and watched as I saw the gifts and brought them inside. I don't know if she ever realized what her kindness meant to us. If you'd ask any of my children today about those times we were blessed by others, they'd remember. It wasn't many years later that my children lost their Dad. He died in November and the holidays were upon us. Many of our family traditions were based on his love of Christmas. They seemed empty without him. When we were first married, we started a tradition of helping at least one person at Christmas time, even if it was a plate of homemade cookies. We carried on that tradition as our family grew and now we were faced with our first Christmas without him. As I remembered the joy of giving and receiving over past Christmases, I made a decision that we would carry on our family tradition. There were years we chose a family and bought gifts. There were years we went to nursing homes on Christmas morning with gifts and cookies to spend time with those who were lonely. Those were the best Christmases we ever had. The one question I've asked myself is, “Is it better to give or receive?” When we give without expecting anything in return, there's a joy like none other that pierces our soul and brings goodness and mercy to the surface. When we are on the receiving end, we feel seen and cared for and loved. So I encourage you to give and receive this Christmas for isn't that what it's all about? John 3:16 NIV “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

The Nutcracker

By Eileen Glotfelty • December 19, 2025
I had always looked forward to being a grandmother. Both of mine passed away before I was born and I couldn't wait to have my own. When my oldest granddaughter was three years old, we started a tradition. I took her to The Nutcracker Ballet every Christmas. I would buy her a fancy dress and it became an annual date that we both loved. At first it was just the two of us but over the years it grew as we added cousins and friends. It was always a special time. Two years ago, all of my granddaughters moved down south. As Christmas approached, my heart was heavy as I realized this tradition had come to an end. I struggled with this realization and I had to examine my heart to find out why the grief was so strong. The answer came as a surprise. I thought the real reason was about not wanting to accept change and letting go of tradition but underneath it all was a fear of being forgotten. I was afraid if I couldn't carry on the tradition then some day after I was gone, the memory of me would fade away. I wanted my life to mean something to someone. I wanted to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy but I had to ask myself if it is more important that they remember me or what I stood for? Do I want them to just remember the places we went and the things we did or do I want them to remember they saw Jesus in me and they were loved, valued and accepted. That's the truth and that's what I hope they remember. I'm thankful to say this story has an unexpected happy ending. Today I had the pleasure of taking my daughter and all three granddaughters to The Nutcracker. It was a miracle how it all worked out as we all live in different states. I don't know if we'll be able to go again next year but I'm not going to worry about it. All I know is a lost dream was restored and I have a different perspective. My oldest granddaughter is now 11 and takes ballet. I watched her face as she watched the performance. There was an understanding now of hard work and commitment. She has a love and a passion that was planted when she was a little girl. This tradition isn't about me. It's about planting love and goodness and hope into future generations. I told her if she ever dances in The Nutcracker, I'll be there.

It's Ok to Let Go

By Eileen Glotfelty • November 13, 2025
If you know little boys, you know they are an entity unto themselves. Growing up, I had one sister. I played with girls and never did any babysitting as a teenager so boys and their character were foreign to me. When I had my two sons, my eyes were opened. Suddenly I had these two little boys whose brains functioned in ways I couldn't grasp. Thankfully they never set anything on fire but there was a day I'll always remember. It was a warm, sunny day. The kids were playing outside in the backyard and my husband and I were inside. Suddenly we heard the kind of scream that propels a parent into fight or flight. It was coming from the backyard and it was our son. My husband jumped to his feet and started running toward the back door. He didn't even stop to put his shoes on. I wasn't far behind. I'll never forget the scene that awaited us. At first we didn't see our son as we looked out over the yard. That was because the screaming was coming from up above. As we looked toward the sound, there he was high in a tree towering above the house. He was hanging parallel to the ground with his hands and feet wrapped around a branch. My first thought was to yell, “what in the world possessed you to climb up there?” My husband didn't need clarification. He simply ran over and stood underneath the branch where our son was hanging. He took one look at his terrified face, extended his arms out in front of him and said, “Let go, I'll catch you.” My son started screaming that he couldn't do it but my husband calmly reassured him. My son had a choice to make and I watched the resignation cross over his face and he let go of the branch. His father caught him without a problem. When I think of that time, I am reminded that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. So many times I thought I was going in the right direction only to find out I ended up in a place I didn't want to be and I didn't know how to get out. It wasn't until I cried out to my Father in heaven that I saw the way and it always started with God saying, “Let go. Trust me.” Sometimes the way was easy and sometimes it was hard but He always “caught” me and put my feet on solid ground. Psalm 40:2 says: “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” If you're finding yourself in a place where there seems to be no way out, I encourage you to say these three words, “God help me.” He will hear you and He will make a way. It's ok to let go.