“You are your own worst enemy.”  How many times have I said that to myself?  I've come to realize that although there's truth to it, there's something else that's even greater.   It's name is shame.  Shame is the enemy of our soul.   We don't even realize it's there.  It makes itself comfortable within us and settles in for the long haul.  Shame becomes familiar and it rises up when we least expect it and knocks us off our feet.  It likes to be in control.


Shame has had a grip on me since I was a child.  It started when I was bullied by other kids because of my weight.  I was the brunt of jokes and a target for snowballs.  Names like “Fatso” replaced my own and it didn't take long until I believed their lies. 


Shame has a voice.  It says, “something's wrong with you.  You're not good enough.”  By the time I became an adult, it affected every area of my life.  It stole my identity. 

 

I've spent my life trying to prove that I was good enough.   I fell into the trap trying to be all things to all people.  I took on responsibilities that were not mine to take as I tried to fix everyone's problems.  Underneath it all was a desperate need to know I was loved and accepted.   


The more I strove, the more shame laughed in my face.   I got to the place of brokenness where I physically walked with my head down.  Shame thought it had won.   I was at my lowest point and I cried out to God in desperation.   


I didn't see fireworks or hear the Hallelujah Chorus but an awareness started deep in my soul.   I realized that what I needed most was not the love and acceptance of others but His love.  What amazed me was I had it all along.   I had heard about it.  I knew it in my head but all my striving and need for control kept it from reaching my heart.  I didn't need to earn it.  It was there waiting for me to accept it.


Now there's a transformation going on within me.  It's not happening overnight.  I still wrestle with shame but it doesn't have a grip on me.  I walk with my head up  and I'm learning who I really am.  I'm learning to love myself because He loves me.  It's a daily choice I have to make to turn to God and lean on Him.  The power is in surrender.   When I am weak.  He is strong.  There's no shame in weakness. 


Maybe your experience is similar to mine.   Shame likes to hide so I would encourage you to pray for awareness and when you get it, surrender the striving and need for control.   The shame will leave as it gets exposed and comes face to face with the Lover of our souls.   It can't stand in His presence.   The freedom and peace you long for are waiting. 

In the Midst of Chaos

By Eileen Glotfelty • July 30, 2025
“His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” Nahum 1:3 Another word for whirlwind is chaos. That's a word I know well. From the moment I was born, I lived in a chaotic environment. Chaos continued to follow me as I grew up and finally into my own family. The funny thing is, I never recognized it. I thought it was normal and I learned to thrive in it. Left unchecked, chaos will take its toll. It attacks our nervous systems and spreads havoc physically and mentally. So how do we stop it? First, we stop and do a life check. This is when we take a long hard look at what's going on in and around us. Much of our chaos is caused by our response to our circumstances. For example, when I get caught up in someone else's drama, I create chaos in my own life. It's especially hard if the drama is going on under the same roof. I've had to learn that people will figure things out on their own and don't need me to be involved. As a fixer and a rescuer, that was an important lesson to learn. When it comes to faith, I've realized that when I jump into the chaos and try to fix it, I'm thinking that my way out is the only way and pridefully, the best way…even better than God's. The arrogance of it brings me to my knees. So now, I look at that verse from Nahum and I ask God to show me His way. If it's chaos that's out of our control, God's way is the only way out. I always wondered what it meant about the clouds being the dust of His feet. As I thought about it, I could see that clouds don't stand still. They move. The dust of His feet imply movement as well; so I think it's safe to say that God is on the move in the midst of the chaos. As I write this, I am over my head in chaos. It feels like a never ending battle. After reading that verse, I decided to take some time and see if there was any “dust.” It didn't take long to see it. God was moving through this storm. It wasn't the direction I would've gone so I almost missed Him. I don't know exactly what He's doing or where this is going but just knowing He's moving gives me the strength to hang on. Lord, when I get overwhelmed with the chaos, help me to see that You are on the move. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Even Though You Can't See Me

By Eileen Glotfelty • June 25, 2025
Over the past four weeks, I have traveled from California to Wyoming to Colorado. All had something special to see. California had hot air balloons floating over the vineyards. In Wyoming there were tumbleweeds, miles of prairie and horses being ridden through downtown streets. Both were fascinating but the scene that captured me most was in Colorado. My family's home overlooks a plain that runs over to join the Rocky Mountains. As beautiful as that is, nothing can compare with one specific mountain that rises taller than the others. Pikes Peak stands 14,000 feet above sea level and its presence commands a sense of majesty. Every morning as I stood there taking in its beauty, I would remember the words, “I lift my eyes up to the hills where my help comes from…” For me, it wasn't just a mountain, it was a revelation of the presence of God and I needed that reminder. There have been many times that I've prayed and prayed about a person or situation that weighed heavy on my heart. Most of the time it involved circumstances that were beyond my control. I knew what I thought needed to happen and happen quickly but it didn't. It seemed like my prayers fell on deaf ears. On my last day in Colorado, I went to look out the window to have one final look at that majestic mountain. To my dismay, the mountains were covered by a dense fog that made them invisible. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't know they were there. As I stood there wrestling with disappointment, I heard these words, “even though you can't see it, it's still there.” I knew this wasn't just talking about the mountain. God was letting me know that even if things aren't working out the way I want and I don't understand, He is still there behind the chaos and behind the doubt working to bring about His perfect plan…in His time, not mine. Now it's a matter of trust. Will I choose to let go and leave it in His hands? Will I choose to trust Him when I don't understand? And will I choose to believe that He has a good and perfect plan that surpasses anything I could imagine? This is a question I may have to ask myself every day in every situation. In my heart I want to so I'm choosing to lay the struggles at His feet. He'll take care of the rest.

What If

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 30, 2025
This is something I have asked myself for a long time. It usually goes something like this: What if I can't pay the bills? What if I get sick and can't take care of myself? What if I'm never free of the pain? You get the picture. I've always been the one on high alert and looking for trouble around every corner waiting for the other shoe to drop. The sad thing is that I didn't know there was another way…until now. Now I choose to look at the glass half full. It's not always easy because I was programmed in the negative for so long. It's a conscious effort to take a hold of those thoughts and turn them around but every time I do, the anxiety and fear is replaced with peace. For example, currently I'm on a flight to California. Never been there. Don't know the people I'm staying with. Everything fits into the category of “the unknown.” Normally I would be in panic mode but I've made the decision to turn the what ifs around from “What if the plane crashes? " to "What if I trust God to get me there safely?” “What if I don't know what to do when I get there and I feel awkward? to "What if I meet some great people who become special friends?” and one more: “What if I don't get what I came for and I return home disappointed? to "What if I am blessed beyond anything I can imagine and leave there better than I came?” As I encourage myself, I encourage you. You can do this. You know why…because God gave us His word and that's all we need. There are many that I hold onto but here are a few: “I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because he trusts in me.” “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Today is a new day full of what ifs. It all depends how you look at it. What if…