Today I found myself thinking of my mother.   She was born in 1915 and lived through the Great Depression.   For some reason, the people in her generation didn't talk much about their past, but here's what I know about her.   She was the third oldest of nine children.   Her mother, father and oldest sister emigrated here from Yugoslavia in the early 1900s.   Two of her siblings passed away from diphtheria as infants.   When my mom was 15, her mother passed away at the age of 39.   Her father drank and didn't take care of his family.  My mother told me he beat her for eating a piece of meat from the smokehouse because she was so hungry.  At that point, both of her older sisters had left home.  She left soon thereafter.   I can't even imagine leaving home when I was 15.  I was barely out of the Barbie doll stage let alone having to fend for myself.   


The story continues where she got a job working as a Nanny for a Jewish family.   Over the next couple of decades, my mother found herself working in a hospital laundry and then a bakery.  It was while she was at the bakery, a cake decorator took her under her wing and my mother discovered a hidden talent.  She had an artistic flair and used it to create beautiful wedding cakes.  It wasn't until years later that I discovered I, too, had the same talent.


Although I never decorated professionally, I did use that talent to bless family and friends as well as generate a little income when I was a stay-at-home mom.    I now limit myself to making birthday cakes for my grandchildren. 


If you've hung in there so far, you're probably wondering what this has to do with anything.   You see this morning I was making a birthday cake for my granddaughter who's turning 4 tomorrow.  She wanted a "Grinchy" cake…Christmas in July anyone?   I always hold my breath when the kids tell me what they want because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it.   I inherited my mother's talent but she was the artist with a blank canvas.  I'm just a copycat.  Since I can only draw stick figures, I've had to get creative using other means to get the desired results. 


If you are a perfectionist like I am, I don't have to tell you the anxiety I would have every time I made a special cake.   I would be in agony working on these cakes fearing the disappointment on my grandchild's face as I focused on each tiny flaw, until today.   


I started off by waking up before dawn and I knew it was because I was feeling the pressure of producing the perfect cake.  Soon after I was mixing and baking.  It wasn't until the second layer that things went south.  As I was flipping the cake onto the bottom layer, it started cracking and falling apart.  Normally this would've sent me into panic mode but instead, I took a step back and asked God for help.   Yes, I asked God to help me fix this cake.   


The Bible talks about how He knows the exact number of hairs on our heads and He's aware of every sparrow that falls to the ground.  I truly believe He loves it when we ask for His help even in the small things.  He doesn't want us stressed and anxious about anything and He never expects us to be perfect.   


He answered my cry for help and I finished the cake even with a few other challenges.   As I stood back to look at my handiwork, I heard myself saying, "not perfect but perfect enough."   How I want to apply that to every area of my life.   The first place I need to start is by not comparing myself to anyone.  I've placed my value of who I am based on other people's thoughts and opinions my whole life.  One of the ways I'm recognizing it is my attitude when I'm with others, especially family.  If they're happy, I'm happy.  If they're not in a good mood, neither am I.   Does anyone else do this?   


I know this won't happen overnight night but I believe the first step toward change is awareness.   I will keep asking for His help  but the difference will be that since He is perfect I can be ok with being "perfect enough."

Your Worst Enemy

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 25, 2025
“You are your own worst enemy.” How many times have I said that to myself? I've come to realize that although there's truth to it, there's something else that's even greater. It's name is shame. Shame is the enemy of our soul. We don't even realize it's there. It makes itself comfortable within us and settles in for the long haul. Shame becomes familiar and it rises up when we least expect it and knocks us off our feet. It likes to be in control. Shame has had a grip on me since I was a child. It started when I was bullied by other kids because of my weight. I was the brunt of jokes and a target for snowballs. Names like “Fatso” replaced my own and it didn't take long until I believed their lies. Shame has a voice. It says, “something's wrong with you. You're not good enough.” By the time I became an adult, it affected every area of my life. It stole my identity. I've spent my life trying to prove that I was good enough. I fell into the trap trying to be all things to all people. I took on responsibilities that were not mine to take as I tried to fix everyone's problems. Underneath it all was a desperate need to know I was loved and accepted. The more I strove, the more shame laughed in my face. I got to the place of brokenness where I physically walked with my head down. Shame thought it had won. I was at my lowest point and I cried out to God in desperation. I didn't see fireworks or hear the Hallelujah Chorus but an awareness started deep in my soul. I realized that what I needed most was not the love and acceptance of others but His love. What amazed me was I had it all along. I had heard about it. I knew it in my head but all my striving and need for control kept it from reaching my heart. I didn't need to earn it. It was there waiting for me to accept it. Now there's a transformation going on within me. It's not happening overnight. I still wrestle with shame but it doesn't have a grip on me. I walk with my head up and I'm learning who I really am. I'm learning to love myself because He loves me. It's a daily choice I have to make to turn to God and lean on Him. The power is in surrender. When I am weak. He is strong. There's no shame in weakness. Maybe your experience is similar to mine. Shame likes to hide so I would encourage you to pray for awareness and when you get it, surrender the striving and need for control. The shame will leave as it gets exposed and comes face to face with the Lover of our souls. It can't stand in His presence. The freedom and peace you long for are waiting.

Broken Crayons Still Color

By Eileen Glotfelty • April 6, 2025
When I was a child, I loved the box of crayons that had 64 colors. I gravitated toward the metallic ones because they were so unique. Two years ago, I took a trip with my grandchildren to the Crayola Crayon Factory. I don't know who was more excited. After going through the various exhibits, we ended up in the gift shop where we could take a container and fill it with every crayon color imaginable. I felt like a kid again as I chose each one. I told myself I was buying them for my grandchildren but I knew who they were for. I don't have to tell you I chose every metallic color they had. Back at home, I was wary of letting the grandkids use them for fear they would break them and once they were broken, I didn't want to use them. Ridiculous I know. Next month, I'll be 70 years old. As this milestone comes closer, so does a lot of self-awareness and introspection. I used to think that by this age, I'd have shifted into the “golden years” and everything would be ok. My kids would be grown and settled. I would be retired and spending time teaching my grandchildren how to bake cookies and volunteering somewhere doing community service. I also thought I'd be growing old with the love of my life and we would finally get to travel to all the places we had always wanted to see. Yes, my kids are grown and I do travel but not the way I thought. My body has decided to start protesting its age so I am limited in what I can do and I find myself alone most of the time. I've started to wonder if this is all there is? Why am I still here? Maybe you've felt the same way. I don't know exactly what the reason is other than I have the blessing and wisdom of living this long. I've had trials and challenges that I've walked through and come out the other side. My heart's desire is to help others who are discouraged and feel hopeless. I've asked myself many times how I could help someone else when I have such a long way to go myself and then I heard the words, “broken crayons still color.” Those words changed my perspective and gave me purpose. They showed me that God can take me in my broken, imperfect state and use me for good. He doesn't see the broken crayon, He sees the beautiful colors and He sees my heart. He sees the whole picture. So as long as I have breath, there's a reason. He's not finished with me yet.

Take the Time

By Eileen Glotfelty • January 15, 2025
I've heard a lot about the importance of sitting in silence and solitude. I've never been a fan of either one. Silence makes me feel awkward so I try to fill it by rattling on about something random. Most times it would've been better if I kept my mouth shut. Solitude is another story. I would never voluntarily choose to be alone. I used to think solitude was a result of rejection and I would do everything in my power to avoid it. Lately, I've been looking at both in a different light. I've been on a search for God's love for a long time. I had heard of it but it always seemed just beyond my grasp. Yesterday a friend challenged me. He asked me what my time with God looked like. I answered him honestly. God was part of a routine. I get up and don't know what to do with myself so I sit and have my “quiet time” with the Lord for lack of anything else. A default. He then told me about his time of silence and solitude. It was a beautiful thing full of raw emotion and longing. He came away feeling loved and strengthened. As he spoke, I felt something stir within me. I wanted what he had. I wanted to meet with God and to know His love. God was waiting and He wanted me to come to Him and I did. It's hard to explain but all I know is that I woke up with anticipation and expectation. I went to my chair and started thinking of times where God met me. He's carried me through many storms, held my hand as I walked through the unknown and held me as I cried many tears. He's healed my heart when it's been broken and guided me when I had no idea what to do. I remembered how He loved my kids and brought them through trauma and tragedy when they didn't know He was there. He's healed me physically and emotionally and never turned His back on me even when I turned my back on Him. As I sat there I got a sense of His mercy, love and faithfulness. Words came to my mind that were so clear that I had to write them down. In closing, I'd like to share them and encourage you that if any of it resonates, take some time and embrace the silence and solitude. God will meet you there. "Your Love Your love is peace. Your love is power. Your love is mercy. Your love is faithfulness. Your love is strength. You came as a baby. You surrendered Your power and authority for me. You suffered for me. You didn't have to, but You did. How can I ever thank You? You didn't do it for praise. You did it for love.”