It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way

My dream was pretty typical…grow up, marry the love of my life, have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after in our cute two story home with the white picket fence. Throw in a nice little dog for good measure.

Part of the dream did come true. I married Rob, the love of my life, had four beautiful kids, lived in a two story home minus the white picket fence and add the little dog and two big dogs. Sounds like a good life until that day…

In 2001 my husband developed what we thought was a bad cold with bronchitis. He was susceptible to upper respiratory infections and got them once a year like clockwork. This particular year, we didn't think anything out of the ordinary until it refused to go away. Our primary doctor was out of the country for a while so my husband saw her assistant. After several visits with no end in sight, she referred us to a pulmonary specialist. It was when he did a routine endoscopy that we were blindsided by the word no one wants to hear…cancer.

I still remember that exact moment the doctor gave us the news. Time stood still as my husband and I held onto each other and cried. Our four children sat out in the waiting room oblivious to the fact that their lives had changed forever.

Driving home from the hospital that day. I remember talking to God and saying, "I just want to know how this is going to work out Lord. Will he live or will he die? I just want to know." I was under the impression that if I knew what was coming, I'd be able to handle it better.

Over the next three years we prayed, quoted Scriptures on healing and refused to entertain any comments to the contrary. When my husband was in his last days, the doctors tried to prepare me for the inevitable but I refused to give up. Surely God was going to intervene. I had worship music playing in his room around the clock and even went so far as to throw a nurse out of his room for speaking negatively about my husband's condition. A few days later, I found myself a widow and a single mother wondering how we would survive.

It's been over 20 years now. It's been a long, hard road in many ways. There have been ups and downs, successes and failures. When I look back at the journey, I'm amazed at how I made it through.

For the first ten years, I could barely pray. I questioned myself and I questioned God. Was my faith not strong enough? Where did I go wrong? I was supposed to be a woman of faith. I felt like I was the victim of a cruel joke and its name was "disappointment." I was disappointed in myself, in others and especially God. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I remember taking a walk on a country road one summer's day and once again asking God how I got it all wrong. I heard Him say to me ever so gently, "Faith is still believing even when it doesn't go your way." Those words penetrated my soul. You see, I had felt like a fool for believing in Him. I would think about all the people who would sadly look at me while I stood my ground believing for Rob's healing.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Disappointment is a forerunner to despair. It needs to be recognized and dealt with before you fall into its trap. The other area it loves to take us is self-pity…I know it well. Neither one is a place where we belong.

One of the ways to defeat disappointment is to face it. As I mentioned earlier, I had a hard time after Rob passed away because I felt like a fool denying the fact that he was dying. I hoped all those doctors and nurses would forget I existed, but God in His mercy had a different plan.

It was several years after Rob's death and I was talking to a lady in my church. She was a nurse practitioner who was connected with our local hospital. As we were talking, she mentioned that she met one of the nurses who had been in the ICU when Rob was there. In fact, she was the very nurse I told to leave his room. The nurse practitioner went on to tell me that this nurse had never forgotten me…I started to cringe but what she said next almost brought me to my knees. She told me that the nurse said she had never seen such faith and it made her go and search for her own. I was humbled and amazed.

Life is full of disappointments for each one of us but I'm beginning to see that good can come out of them. The circumstances may not change but I want to believe that God sees what we don't. It may not be the way I thought it was supposed to be but it may be His. As I heard on that country road, "Faith is about believing even when it doesn't go your way."

In the Midst of Chaos

By Eileen Glotfelty • July 30, 2025
“His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” Nahum 1:3 Another word for whirlwind is chaos. That's a word I know well. From the moment I was born, I lived in a chaotic environment. Chaos continued to follow me as I grew up and finally into my own family. The funny thing is, I never recognized it. I thought it was normal and I learned to thrive in it. Left unchecked, chaos will take its toll. It attacks our nervous systems and spreads havoc physically and mentally. So how do we stop it? First, we stop and do a life check. This is when we take a long hard look at what's going on in and around us. Much of our chaos is caused by our response to our circumstances. For example, when I get caught up in someone else's drama, I create chaos in my own life. It's especially hard if the drama is going on under the same roof. I've had to learn that people will figure things out on their own and don't need me to be involved. As a fixer and a rescuer, that was an important lesson to learn. When it comes to faith, I've realized that when I jump into the chaos and try to fix it, I'm thinking that my way out is the only way and pridefully, the best way…even better than God's. The arrogance of it brings me to my knees. So now, I look at that verse from Nahum and I ask God to show me His way. If it's chaos that's out of our control, God's way is the only way out. I always wondered what it meant about the clouds being the dust of His feet. As I thought about it, I could see that clouds don't stand still. They move. The dust of His feet imply movement as well; so I think it's safe to say that God is on the move in the midst of the chaos. As I write this, I am over my head in chaos. It feels like a never ending battle. After reading that verse, I decided to take some time and see if there was any “dust.” It didn't take long to see it. God was moving through this storm. It wasn't the direction I would've gone so I almost missed Him. I don't know exactly what He's doing or where this is going but just knowing He's moving gives me the strength to hang on. Lord, when I get overwhelmed with the chaos, help me to see that You are on the move. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Even Though You Can't See Me

By Eileen Glotfelty • June 25, 2025
Over the past four weeks, I have traveled from California to Wyoming to Colorado. All had something special to see. California had hot air balloons floating over the vineyards. In Wyoming there were tumbleweeds, miles of prairie and horses being ridden through downtown streets. Both were fascinating but the scene that captured me most was in Colorado. My family's home overlooks a plain that runs over to join the Rocky Mountains. As beautiful as that is, nothing can compare with one specific mountain that rises taller than the others. Pikes Peak stands 14,000 feet above sea level and its presence commands a sense of majesty. Every morning as I stood there taking in its beauty, I would remember the words, “I lift my eyes up to the hills where my help comes from…” For me, it wasn't just a mountain, it was a revelation of the presence of God and I needed that reminder. There have been many times that I've prayed and prayed about a person or situation that weighed heavy on my heart. Most of the time it involved circumstances that were beyond my control. I knew what I thought needed to happen and happen quickly but it didn't. It seemed like my prayers fell on deaf ears. On my last day in Colorado, I went to look out the window to have one final look at that majestic mountain. To my dismay, the mountains were covered by a dense fog that made them invisible. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't know they were there. As I stood there wrestling with disappointment, I heard these words, “even though you can't see it, it's still there.” I knew this wasn't just talking about the mountain. God was letting me know that even if things aren't working out the way I want and I don't understand, He is still there behind the chaos and behind the doubt working to bring about His perfect plan…in His time, not mine. Now it's a matter of trust. Will I choose to let go and leave it in His hands? Will I choose to trust Him when I don't understand? And will I choose to believe that He has a good and perfect plan that surpasses anything I could imagine? This is a question I may have to ask myself every day in every situation. In my heart I want to so I'm choosing to lay the struggles at His feet. He'll take care of the rest.

What If

By Eileen Glotfelty • May 30, 2025
This is something I have asked myself for a long time. It usually goes something like this: What if I can't pay the bills? What if I get sick and can't take care of myself? What if I'm never free of the pain? You get the picture. I've always been the one on high alert and looking for trouble around every corner waiting for the other shoe to drop. The sad thing is that I didn't know there was another way…until now. Now I choose to look at the glass half full. It's not always easy because I was programmed in the negative for so long. It's a conscious effort to take a hold of those thoughts and turn them around but every time I do, the anxiety and fear is replaced with peace. For example, currently I'm on a flight to California. Never been there. Don't know the people I'm staying with. Everything fits into the category of “the unknown.” Normally I would be in panic mode but I've made the decision to turn the what ifs around from “What if the plane crashes? " to "What if I trust God to get me there safely?” “What if I don't know what to do when I get there and I feel awkward? to "What if I meet some great people who become special friends?” and one more: “What if I don't get what I came for and I return home disappointed? to "What if I am blessed beyond anything I can imagine and leave there better than I came?” As I encourage myself, I encourage you. You can do this. You know why…because God gave us His word and that's all we need. There are many that I hold onto but here are a few: “I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because he trusts in me.” “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” Today is a new day full of what ifs. It all depends how you look at it. What if…