• Ciara McDowell

Temperament and Premarital Counseling

Why could knowing your future spouse's temperament help save your marriage before it starts?

Pre-marriage counseling is an important thing to consider doing before entering into such a sacred covenant. We truly believe temperament counseling could help save your marriage before it starts.

So let's start with asking why marriage? What is the true reason for marriage and how can understanding your soon-to-be husband or wife's temperament help you in carrying out the purpose of marriage?

It is to provide companionship Ge 2:18 (See also Ge 2:20-22; 3:12; Pr 31:10-12)

Understanding temperament can help you not only understand how one gives and receives love and affection, but also how one might express their true needs and desires, what things might drain them of energy, or gives them energy. It helps you understand how they make decisions or not make them. Why they can come off so standoffish but then ask you why you didn't see their needs, that have now gone unmet. The list goes on and on. Knowing and understanding these things are vital in order for true companionship to take place.

It is to be a committed, exclusive relationship and is also a lifelong partnership Ge 2:23-24; Mt 19:5; Mk 10:7-8; 1Co 7:2; Eph 5:31; Mt 19:6; Mk 10:9; Ro 7:2; 1Co 7:39

This means partners for life; "until death does us part." In order for this to happen there needs to be an exclusive commitment.

Commitment can be a scary thing when proceeded in its fullness. If it's not something you feel the weight of when contemplating it, then most likely you are not ready for marriage. To have a true committed, exclusive relationship, it takes work.

Knowing one another's temperament can help you see how one may face trials as they come. This is where true commitment to one another is tested. Will your future wife or husband deal with things head on without skipping a beat? Or are they someone who is more of a team player who will need to be built up in confidence from the help of others? Understanding one another's strengths and weaknesses before the trials begin will help you through them when they happen. It's not a question of if trials come, but instead when they do come, how you will face them together?

It is the intended context for raising children Mal 2:15 See also 1Co 7:14

What sort of environment will be established in your home while raising children?

Is your future partner someone that's more of a rigid rule follower? Spontaneous and free spirited? Someone who will struggle with the idea of discipline or lean on the side of being a harsh disciplinarian?

Being a parent is an amazing gift from God but that does not mean it will always come easily. Especially, when there are two separate people coming from two different backgrounds that are dedicated to understanding what would be best for their children. Your character (learned behavior from your upbringing) will provide a vital indication of the environment to be established in your home. Temperament therapy can help you sift through the learned behaviors of your past to the core of who you are, and how you will be as a parent.

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