Life Focus Blog

The Prodigal

Sun, 19 Apr 2026 13:55:41 GMT

For those of you who have a prodigal child, you're not alone. What I mean by prodigal is a child who has turned their back on you and put up walls of defense.

It came as a surprise, a shock actually. I should've seen it coming but after years of butting heads, I truly thought we were in a better place.

The revelation came in a letter where thoughts and feelings were shared. I felt my spirit being crushed as I read it and my heart broke.

I know I wasn't the perfect mother. I had struggles and behaviors that had followed me since childhood. I had resolved never to treat my children the way I was treated, but how many of us know that sadly it still happens, but in a different way.

When you have a prodigal, it's not about forgiveness and reconciliation, it's about the pain they feel we've inflicted and they can't let go of it.

I keep hoping that some day, things will change but there's no guarantee as it takes two surrendered hearts that are open to be healed.

It's been four years now since I received that letter. I have grieved in a way I never have before and there were times I didn't think I would make it through. It's a different kind of grief because you know it can change but it's out of your control.

It's been a process and I've experienced rejection, abandonment, guilt and shame but it brought me to a place where I knew it was going to keep me in a prison of pain if I didn't surrender it to God so He could heal my heart.

The Bible has a story about a prodigal son.

Even though the son went his own way and abandoned his father, his father never gave up hope. When the son had an “aha” moment and realized how foolish he had been, he humbled himself and returned home. This is my favorite of the story:

“So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20 NIV”

This is how God greets everyone who returns to Him, no matter what they've done. I pray I would react the same way with my son.

If you have a prodigal, my heart goes out to you, but just know that God sees you and your child. He is working behind the scenes as He is a God of redemption and reconciliation. He will heal your broken heart and give you the strength to hold on.

You Are Enough

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 13:34:13 GMT

Today I had an errand to do on the other side of town. When I left my house, it was warm and sunny. As I drove toward my destination, I noticed dark, gray clouds up ahead. I had no idea it was supposed to rain. Thankfully I was in the store when the storm rolled in. It was literally a downpour complete with thunder and lightning. I remember thinking I wouldn't be going to my car any time soon.

Unfortunately the extended time in the store resulted in some overspending. As I stood in the checkout line. I overheard one of the cashiers say. “I love thunderstorms.”

As a child, I loved them too, especially if I was already tucked in bed for the night. I can't explain it but that was the time I felt the most safe. There was something peaceful amidst all the noise.

I still feel the same way. Tonight another thunderstorm rolled in. The weather forecast said it could be severe with high winds. I wasn't afraid. In fact. If it wasn't so early, I would've jumped into bed.

I had to ask myself why I felt such peace during a storm. I never really thought about it before. Was it the fact I knew that despite all the drama and noise, it would eventually come to an end?

It's something I need to think about because my attitude is quite the opposite with the storms of life. I've spent most of my life just trying to survive the storms. Sometimes I've denied them, other times I've tried to run from them and there were times I tried to hide from them but each time, they stopped or moved on.

I feel like I'm in a place right now where I need a reminder of safety even in the midst of a storm. Jesus wasn't afraid of the storm, He went right into it and walked on water. Peter got out of the boat and started walking toward him but as soon as he got distracted by the waves and the noise, he started to sink and fear tried to take over. Jesus was still there and when Peter cried out to Him, Scripture says Jesus immediately reached out and grasped Peter's hand and Peter was safe.

So Jesus, the storm is raging all around. I'm reaching out to You. I've gotten distracted Lord. I need You. Make me aware when I'm sinking and meet me in the waves for You are my help and You are enough.

Valentine's Day

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 03:39:23 GMT

Valentine's Day has always been my favorite holiday. I remember walking past the candy shop in town as a child and seeing all the beautiful heart boxes in the window. One box always caught my eye. It was a huge red heart at least two feet long. It was covered with red silk roses and a red frilly ribbon around the edge. To me it was a symbol of love. I dreamed of the day someone would give it to me.

I met the love of my life unexpectedly. He was the kindest, most loving man I ever knew. Not only did he love me, he loved me unconditionally. This was a new concept for me. I was used to giving something to get something, but with him, I didn't have to give anything. He gave of himself and didn't expect anything in return. He showed me what true love was all about. He showed me God's love.

We celebrated many Valentine's Days together. There were years we didn't have two nickels to rub together and he would make me handmade cards and paint wooden hearts red with a gold, glittery “I Love You” written on the front.

There was one year when the single ladies from our church volunteered to watch the kids so the moms and dads could have a night out. We didn't have the money to do anything fancy so we picked up a meal from Boston Market and went back to our “empty” house. We watched a movie, uninterrupted, and then put on some music and spent time slow dancing. It was my favorite Valentine's Day of all time.

When I think back to that time of walking past the candy store, I realized I didn't need a fancy red heart to make me feel loved. I received all the love I could have ever imagined from a man who made me cards and danced with me around the family room.

What I've learned is I can still have my dreams but if it doesn't work out the way I thought, God has something better, and if I can lean into that and trust Him, it'll be more than enough because He is enough.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Learning To Cast

Fri, 16 Jan 2026 02:17:58 GMT

I was married to a fisherman, an avid fisherman. Almost as soon as we were engaged, he was planning our dream honeymoon on the shores of Chandos Lake in Canada.

He was eight years old when his parents bought property around the lake and built a log cabin. He spent every summer there and that's where his love of fishing began. Whether he was standing on the shore or in a boat on the water, he spent countless hours doing what he loved.

I'll never forget that first week. I knew I was in trouble the minute we arrived. There were two ways to get to the cabin. One was by boat (which we were towing), or maneuvering our car around boulders on a dirt road. We docked the boat at a small marina and drove to the cabin.

I have to admit, my first view of the cabin was breathtaking. It was situated on a point where a bay joined the main part of the lake. Inside there was a wood burning stove and blue gingham curtains hung on the windows. My one challenge was the lack of indoor plumbing. I have to admit I was horrified when he threw a hose into the lake and connected it to a pump! We spent the rest of the day unpacking and settling in. It wasn't until the next morning I realized my husband's love for fishing was more like an addiction.

I woke up to a beautiful sunny morning. As a new bride, I was adjusting to the joy of waking up to find the man I loved lying beside me, only this day, there was no man. Instead I found a note and a foghorn. Unbeknownst to me, he had risen before sunrise and headed out on the lake. The note he left simply said, “Went fishing. Stand on the shore and blow the fog horn and I'll come in. I love you!” Needless-to-day, I was not impressed; however, he was a man of his word and came in when I blew the foghorn.

I had never been one for the great outdoors so I had to make a decision. I finally decided, “if you can't beat em, join em.” This involved learning how to fish. The first step was going to the bait shop. I couldn't even imagine touching anything slimy so when my eyes landed on some black, rubber worms, with hot pink tails, I told myself, “You can do this!” My husband laughed and shook his head but with my rubber worms in hand, we headed out to the lake.

Step two involved learning how to cast. The better the cast, the more chance of success…or so I was told. My husband happily shifted into teaching mode and explained the finer art of casting. It's definitely not as easy as it looks. It took technique and focus but equally important was knowing where to cast. After several attempts, I made a successful cast. Now the hard part…the waiting!

It was during the waiting that I heard the story of “the big one that got away.” Apparently there was a large mouth bass that was bigger than the rest. He was the Grandpappy of the lake and many had tried and failed to conquer him.

I don't remember if it was this first fishing trip or the next but all I know is the fish were biting and I started reeling them in with my black rubber worms. Once again, God was in control. We had been out there a little while so it would soon be time to call it a day. Suddenly there was a tug on my line. It didn't feel the same as the others. This was a big one. He gave me quite a fight and I was screaming my head off while my husband grabbed a net. As I reeled in my catch, we could hardly believe it. I had caught the Grandpappy with a rubber worm! Needless-to-say, I gloated after the shock wore off.

One other thing I learned with casting my line was the importance of adding a weight near the hook. The weight enables the hook to sink below the surface enabling the success of the catch.

It's the same when we cast our cares on the Lord. It's about giving him not only the situation, but the weight of it that we are not meant to carry.

He says it in His Word:

Psalms 55:22 NIV

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Today I found myself casting and recasting. Some things are harder to let go of than others, but as I kept giving it to him, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders

My prayer went something like this. “Lord, I need You to help me. This is a big one. It runs deep. I don't want to hold onto it and I'm casting it on you.” Even though the situation didn't change, it felt different. There was peace in the waiting.

One last thing…the next time we went to the bait shop, guess who bought some black rubber worms?

Christmas Past and Present

Thu, 25 Dec 2025 20:50:04 GMT

My children grew up knowing what it meant to do without, especially the older two. We were on a strict grocery budget of $50 a week for a family of six. We didn't have money for snacks and treats but we never went hungry. There were times they had holes in their shoes and their boots leaked so we put plastic bags on their feet so they could go out and play in the snow. We did the best with what we had and I'd like to think my kids grew stronger because of it. The Bible says the apostle Paul learned to be content whether he had little or plenty. We tried to hold onto that.

We experienced many miracles over the years in our times of need. I call them miracles because they came at just the right moment and sometimes with no explanation.

One of those miracles came on Christmas Eve. I don't remember the year but I know my children were young. It had been a hard year financially as my husband was in and out of work. As Christmas drew near, our parents sent some money for presents and I was thankful but my mother's heart longed to give them more.

On this particular Christmas Eve, I had put the kids to bed. The tree was up, cookies were baked and now it was just a matter of waiting. The only lights on in the house were that of our Christmas tree. It was calm and peaceful.

It was then I heard a knock on the door. I wondered who it could be at that time of the night. When I opened the door, no one was there. The only thing I saw were shopping bags filled with presents. I was so surprised that it took a minute to realize it wasn't a dream.

There was a shopping bag for each child. As I placed the gifts under the tree, I was filled with awe at the generosity. I don't have to tell you of the joy on their faces the next morning when they saw all the presents under the tree.

Several years later I found out who blessed my family that Christmas Eve. It was a woman who knew someone in our church. She wanted to bless someone at Christmas and she was given our name. It turned out, she ran to the side of the house after knocking on our door and watched as I saw the gifts and brought them inside. I don't know if she ever realized what her kindness meant to us.

If you'd ask any of my children today about those times we were blessed by others, they'd remember.

It wasn't many years later that my children lost their Dad. He died in November and the holidays were upon us. Many of our family traditions were based on his love of Christmas. They seemed empty without him.

When we were first married, we started a tradition of helping at least one person at Christmas time, even if it was a plate of homemade cookies. We carried on that tradition as our family grew and now we were faced with our first Christmas without him.

As I remembered the joy of giving and receiving over past Christmases, I made a decision that we would carry on our family tradition. There were years we chose a family and bought gifts. There were years we went to nursing homes on Christmas morning with gifts and cookies to spend time with those who were lonely. Those were the best Christmases we ever had.

The one question I've asked myself is, “Is it better to give or receive?” When we give without expecting anything in return, there's a joy like none other that pierces our soul and brings goodness and mercy to the surface. When we are on the receiving end, we feel seen and cared for and loved.

So I encourage you to give and receive this Christmas for isn't that what it's all about?

John 3:16 NIV

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

The Nutcracker

Fri, 19 Dec 2025 02:47:16 GMT

I had always looked forward to being a grandmother. Both of mine passed away before I was born and I couldn't wait to have my own. When my oldest granddaughter was three years old, we started a tradition. I took her to The Nutcracker Ballet every Christmas. I would buy her a fancy dress and it became an annual date that we both loved. At first it was just the two of us but over the years it grew as we added cousins and friends. It was always a special time.

Two years ago, all of my granddaughters moved down south. As Christmas approached, my heart was heavy as I realized this tradition had come to an end.

I struggled with this realization and I had to examine my heart to find out why the grief was so strong. The answer came as a surprise. I thought the real reason was about not wanting to accept change and letting go of tradition but underneath it all was a fear of being forgotten. I was afraid if I couldn't carry on the tradition then some day after I was gone, the memory of me would fade away.

I wanted my life to mean something to someone. I wanted to be remembered. I want to leave a legacy but I had to ask myself if it is more important that they remember me or what I stood for? Do I want them to just remember the places we went and the things we did or do I want them to remember they saw Jesus in me and they were loved, valued and accepted. That's the truth and that's what I hope they remember.

I'm thankful to say this story has an unexpected happy ending. Today I had the pleasure of taking my daughter and all three granddaughters to The Nutcracker. It was a miracle how it all worked out as we all live in different states.

I don't know if we'll be able to go again next year but I'm not going to worry about it. All I know is a lost dream was restored and I have a different perspective.

My oldest granddaughter is now 11 and takes ballet. I watched her face as she watched the performance. There was an understanding now of hard work and commitment. She has a love and a passion that was planted when she was a little girl. This tradition isn't about me. It's about planting love and goodness and hope into future generations. I told her if she ever dances in The Nutcracker, I'll be there.

It's Ok to Let Go

Thu, 13 Nov 2025 03:19:10 GMT

If you know little boys, you know they are an entity unto themselves. Growing up, I had one sister. I played with girls and never did any babysitting as a teenager so boys and their character were foreign to me. When I had my two sons, my eyes were opened. Suddenly I had these two little boys whose brains functioned in ways I couldn't grasp. Thankfully they never set anything on fire but there was a day I'll always remember.

It was a warm, sunny day. The kids were playing outside in the backyard and my husband and I were inside. Suddenly we heard the kind of scream that propels a parent into fight or flight. It was coming from the backyard and it was our son.

My husband jumped to his feet and started running toward the back door. He didn't even stop to put his shoes on. I wasn't far behind. I'll never forget the scene that awaited us. At first we didn't see our son as we looked out over the yard. That was because the screaming was coming from up above. As we looked toward the sound, there he was high in a tree towering above the house. He was hanging parallel to the ground with his hands and feet wrapped around a branch.

My first thought was to yell, “what in the world possessed you to climb up there?” My husband didn't need clarification. He simply ran over and stood underneath the branch where our son was hanging. He took one look at his terrified face, extended his arms out in front of him and said, “Let go, I'll catch you.” My son started screaming that he couldn't do it but my husband calmly reassured him. My son had a choice to make and I watched the resignation cross over his face and he let go of the branch. His father caught him without a problem.

When I think of that time, I am reminded that the apple didn't fall far from the tree. So many times I thought I was going in the right direction only to find out I ended up in a place I didn't want to be and I didn't know how to get out. It wasn't until I cried out to my Father in heaven that I saw the way and it always started with God saying, “Let go. Trust me.” Sometimes the way was easy and sometimes it was hard but He always “caught” me and put my feet on solid ground.

Psalm 40:2 says:

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

If you're finding yourself in a place where there seems to be no way out, I encourage you to say these three words, “God help me.” He will hear you and He will make a way.

It's ok to let go.

Handicapped

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 01:23:57 GMT

In December of 2023, I had just returned home from a trip out west. After being terrified to fly for many years, I was proud of myself for flying and navigating one of the largest airports in the world.

I came home and sat down in my recliner so I could unwind and relax. After a little while, I stood up and felt pain in my left knee. It happened suddenly, out of the blue and took me on a journey I didn't want to take.

Since then I have had multiple doctors visits, several rounds of physical therapy and arthroscopic procedures on both knees. This was the first time I faced mobility issues and I watched my confidence fade and fear rise up where it had never been before. I found myself looking at the ground with every step, making decisions about my social life based on how much walking I'd need to do, getting a wheelchair at the airport, and using a handicapped placard in my car. This disability controlled my life.

Last week I finished my last round of physical therapy. I am thankful to say it helped me. I've been able to go grocery shopping, take short walks and stand while talking to others. Things I used to take for granted.

Today I had an appointment. When I pulled into the parking lot, there were only two spots available. One was a handicapped spot right in front of the door. The other was all the way down near the end of the lot. By habit, I pulled into the handicapped spot and immediately the thought came to mind, “do I really need to park in the handicapped spot?” I found myself backing out and driving to the end of the lot. It was after my appointment when I was walking back to my car that I heard this still small voice say, “You are no longer handicapped so why do you act like you still are?”

If you have ever had an epiphany moment, this was one of mine. I had gotten comfortable being handicapped. There were actually some benefits to it such as the parking and special assistance at the airport, and if I'm being honest, being able to use my handicap as an excuse to get out of doing what I didn't want to do. I felt justified in asking for help. It was ok at the time but all through this ordeal I had asked God to heal me and now that I was in a better place, I was afraid to let go.

This revelation went deeper than a physical handicap. It affected me mentally and spiritually as well. I was afraid to let go because then I wouldn't have anywhere to hide but in doing so, I gave power to fear.

It affected me spiritually because I doubted God really cared about me. The healing was taking too long and I was afraid I would never get my life back.

If you know God, you know He doesn't always do things our way. This was a valley moment for me. It's been a place of searching and questioning if I believed He was good and His Word was true. I found myself telling Him, “God, I've done everything I know to do.” That was the problem. I've lived my life thinking nothing good happens unless I earn it. I couldn't have been farther from the truth.

I have to tell you that as I walked back and forth to my car, there was a sense of freedom. It felt good. Now, hopefully, I can look at my life through a different lens. I have to be realistic because of my age. There are some things I can't do now, like climbing ladders, but it's not because I'm handicapped, it's just life and I'm learning to be ok with that.

Untangled

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 16:04:32 GMT

What do these things have in common: a dog's leash, Christmas lights, yarn, and neck chains …they all get tangled!

If you've ever tried to untangle any of the above, you know how frustrating it can be…especially for a control freak. The neck chains are the worst. I can remember pulling one out of my jewelry box only to find a twisted tangled mess. I used to get a safety pin and painstakingly pull on each loop. I couldn't put it down until I had it untangled. OCD? Maybe.

Life gets tangled in much the same way. For me, it happens in relationships, especially with loved ones. Maybe it's because the standards are higher and expectations are not met; or it's because we make ourselves vulnerable to those we love and our hearts feel the pain more deeply. Whatever the reason, things get tangled and become complicated.

I have found myself in that place several times in my life. I don't like it when someone is upset with me so I try hard to make things right. It's not a matter of who's right or wrong. It's about the fact that in their eyes, I've offended them and whether it was intentional or not, they were hurt.

Sometimes an apology isn't enough. Trust has been broken and it takes time to build it back up again. So what do you do when you've done everything you can to reconcile and the rejection is still there?

You take a step back. You wait and you pray. You'll need to fight against the anger and resentment. Keep your heart in the right place. For me, it's a place of love and forgiveness and hope.

Depending on the circumstances and the depth of the relationship, it could take awhile. I'm in a waiting period and I'm not going to kid myself. It may not happen in my lifetime but I do know this, I can wait with hope and peace and I can pray for them. Does it still hurt? Yes. There are days I grieve the loss of them but then I am gently reminded to let them go and trust the One who loves them more than I ever could.

I read this verse today which may have have prompted my thoughts:

John 13:34 NIV:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

If anyone knew how to love others through rejection, it was Jesus. He loved, He suffered, He forgave and He waits. He waited for me, He waits for you.

Hello and Goodbye

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 21:59:32 GMT

Mountains and valleys. Hellos and goodbyes. For me they're one and the same. I woke up this morning with a sense of dread because I knew I would be saying goodbye once again. Thankfully , I didn't get stuck there.

My daughter and her family left today after coming up for a visit. They weren't here the whole time as they had places to go and people to see but it was nice having them near.

I've come to realize that when someone is leaving me, I need to prepare myself emotionally ahead of time. I tend to focus on the negative aspect of things at times and saying goodbye is one of them. There was a time when saying goodbye would send me in a downward spiral. Not today and hopefully not ever again.

After my family left, I went out to my happy place…my backyard swing, and as I was thinking about my family, this thought popped into my head.

“Every time I've said goodbye, it was because, at some point, I said hello.” I latched onto that thought and realized goodbyes are only temporary. It may be awhile before I can say hello, but that day will come and it gave me hope.

Until the next hello, I will think of the sweet memories we made while they were here…playing Old Maid and Uno; teaching the girls how to twirl a baton, laughing and singing and just the sheer joy of being with them.

I know some goodbyes seem more permanent and I'm not making light of them. I've lost many loved ones and the separation seemed unbearable. There were days the grief was so strong, I didn't know how I was going to make it. But even in death, goodbye is only temporary.

I say that because I know I'll see them again. I know because God said so.

I started writing this because of saying goodbye to my family. I didn't expect it to take this turn but I'm thinking there's someone who's going to read this who is struggling with their own goodbyes. I want you to know you will be ok. God cares about our goodbyes and He will give you hope. I know because He did it for me. So take heart my friend. Hold onto Him. He'll bring you through. Goodbye is just a gateway to a new hello.

Reset

Fri, 15 Aug 2025 17:11:47 GMT

Recently I returned home after being away for a few months. It felt strange to walk into my own home. I wasn't accustomed to what should've been normal. That soon changed.

The next morning I was at the kitchen sink and went to turn on the garbage disposal only to find it not working. Usually if it's jammed, you can still hear the sound of electricity but there was not a sound to be heard. My first stop was the circuit breaker box. Nothing was tripped so I moved on.

As I stood in front of the sink, I knew what needed to happen next. That involved me kneeling down on the floor and looking for the brand and model number. I thought long and hard because after two knee surgeries, this was not a good idea. I did the next best thing…I called my sister for help.

I wish we had a video camera, then again it was probably better that we didn't. She has a bad knee but that left her with one good one. She made it down onto the floor and got a picture of the label. We googled the unit to troubleshoot the problem. It turned out we needed to find the reset button on the bottom of the disposal. Easier said than done but we did it and power was restored. It needed a special wrench to unjam it but Amazon saved the day!

Now why would I go on and on about a jammed garbage disposal? It's not about the fact it was jammed but that it could be reset.

After that incident I was talking to my daughter and I heard myself say that I needed to push the reset button in some areas of my life. I wish it would be as simple as pushing the button on a garbage disposal but when you need a reset in life, it usually involves a long process.

The areas I need to reset didn't get jammed up overnight. It took years of making excuses and wrong choices. The result of these choices found me powerless and stuck in a place I didn't want to be.

As I thought about this, I looked up “reset” in the dictionary. One definition caught my eye. It said, “an act of fixing something in a new or different way.” That's what I need…a new way, a transformation.

I don't know what the reset is going to look like or where it will take me but I do know that God made a promise. In Isaiah he says:

“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I know it has to be His way, not mine. That's where the power is. That's where I can move forward. With His power, nothing is impossible. I've wrestled with Him for many years and it was a waste of time. It will be a daily surrender to His will. I'm not going to dwell on the wasted time and say, “if only.” Instead I'm choosing to dwell on and be thankful that His mercies are new every morning.

That is my reset button.

In the Midst of Chaos

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 01:09:05 GMT

“His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.” Nahum 1:3

Another word for whirlwind is chaos. That's a word I know well. From the moment I was born, I lived in a chaotic environment. Chaos continued to follow me as I grew up and finally into my own family.

The funny thing is, I never recognized it. I thought it was normal and I learned to thrive in it. Left unchecked, chaos will take its toll. It attacks our nervous systems and spreads havoc physically and mentally. So how do we stop it?

First, we stop and do a life check. This is when we take a long hard look at what's going on in and around us. Much of our chaos is caused by our response to our circumstances.

For example, when I get caught up in someone else's drama, I create chaos in my own life. It's especially hard if the drama is going on under the same roof. I've had to learn that people will figure things out on their own and don't need me to be involved. As a fixer and a rescuer, that was an important lesson to learn.

When it comes to faith, I've realized that when I jump into the chaos and try to fix it, I'm thinking that my way out is the only way and pridefully, the best way…even better than God's. The arrogance of it brings me to my knees.

So now, I look at that verse from Nahum and I ask God to show me His way. If it's chaos that's out of our control, God's way is the only way out. I always wondered what it meant about the clouds being the dust of His feet. As I thought about it, I could see that clouds don't stand still. They move. The dust of His feet imply movement as well; so I think it's safe to say that God is on the move in the midst of the chaos.

As I write this, I am over my head in chaos. It feels like a never ending battle. After reading that verse, I decided to take some time and see if there was any “dust.” It didn't take long to see it. God was moving through this storm. It wasn't the direction I would've gone so I almost missed Him. I don't know exactly what He's doing or where this is going but just knowing He's moving gives me the strength to hang on.

Lord, when I get overwhelmed with the chaos, help me to see that You are on the move. In Jesus’ name. Amen

Even Though You Can't See Me

Wed, 25 Jun 2025 21:26:49 GMT

Over the past four weeks, I have traveled from California to Wyoming to Colorado. All had something special to see. California had hot air balloons floating over the vineyards. In Wyoming there were tumbleweeds, miles of prairie and horses being ridden through downtown streets. Both were fascinating but the scene that captured me most was in Colorado. My family's home overlooks a plain that runs over to join the Rocky Mountains. As beautiful as that is, nothing can compare with one specific mountain that rises taller than the others. Pikes Peak stands 14,000 feet above sea level and its presence commands a sense of majesty.

Every morning as I stood there taking in its beauty, I would remember the words, “I lift my eyes up to the hills where my help comes from…” For me, it wasn't just a mountain, it was a revelation of the presence of God and I needed that reminder.

There have been many times that I've prayed and prayed about a person or situation that weighed heavy on my heart. Most of the time it involved circumstances that were beyond my control. I knew what I thought needed to happen and happen quickly but it didn't. It seemed like my prayers fell on deaf ears.

On my last day in Colorado, I went to look out the window to have one final look at that majestic mountain. To my dismay, the mountains were covered by a dense fog that made them invisible. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't know they were there. As I stood there wrestling with disappointment, I heard these words, “even though you can't see it, it's still there.” I knew this wasn't just talking about the mountain. God was letting me know that even if things aren't working out the way I want and I don't understand, He is still there behind the chaos and behind the doubt working to bring about His perfect plan…in His time, not mine.

Now it's a matter of trust. Will I choose to let go and leave it in His hands? Will I choose to trust Him when I don't understand? And will I choose to believe that He has a good and perfect plan that surpasses anything I could imagine? This is a question I may have to ask myself every day in every situation. In my heart I want to so I'm choosing to lay the struggles at His feet. He'll take care of the rest.

What If

Fri, 30 May 2025 13:54:42 GMT

This is something I have asked myself for a long time. It usually goes something like this:

What if I can't pay the bills? What if I get sick and can't take care of myself? What if I'm never free of the pain? You get the picture.

I've always been the one on high alert and looking for trouble around every corner waiting for the other shoe to drop. The sad thing is that I didn't know there was another way…until now.

Now I choose to look at the glass half full. It's not always easy because I was programmed in the negative for so long.

It's a conscious effort to take a hold of those thoughts and turn them around but every time I do, the anxiety and fear is replaced with peace.

For example, currently I'm on a flight to California. Never been there. Don't know the people I'm staying with. Everything fits into the category of “the unknown.” Normally I would be in panic mode but I've made the decision to turn the what ifs around from “What if the plane crashes? " to "What if I trust God to get me there safely?”

“What if I don't know what to do when I get there and I feel awkward? to "What if I meet some great people who become special friends?” and one more: “What if I don't get what I came for and I return home disappointed? to "What if I am blessed beyond anything I can imagine and leave there better than I came?”

As I encourage myself, I encourage you. You can do this. You know why…because God gave us His word and that's all we need. There are many that I hold onto but here are a few:

“I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Me because he trusts in me.”

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

Today is a new day full of what ifs. It all depends how you look at it. What if…

Armor of God

Thu, 29 May 2025 18:03:11 GMT

How to Put on the Full Armor of God: A Daily Guide for Every Believer

All day, every day, an invisible war rages around us. A cunning, relentless enemy seeks to wreak havoc on everything that matters—our minds, emotions, families, and future. But as followers of Jesus Christ, we are not defenseless. We are equipped and empowered by the Holy Spirit to stand strong.

In Ephesians 6:10–18 , Paul lays out the spiritual armor that God has given us. This post will guide you through how to put on your armor daily , so you're guarded against the attacks of the enemy and able to stand firm in Christ’s victory.

Victory Is Already Won

Before diving into each piece of armor, remember this: Jesus has already won . When He died on the cross and rose again three days later, He defeated every enemy. We don’t fight for victory—we fight from victory. Our strength and courage come from what Christ has already accomplished.

The Belt of Truth

The belt holds the entire armor together. Truth grounds us and reminds us of our identity in Christ .

��️ How to wear it daily:

Start and end your day in God’s Word.
Memorize Scripture.
Speak truth out loud when Satan attacks.
Replace the enemy’s lies with the unshakable truth of Scripture.

The Breastplate of Righteousness

We have no righteousness of our own. Christ’s righteousness is our covering.

��️ How to wear it daily:

Live a life rooted in God’s Word.
Choose integrity and purity in your daily walk.
Protect your heart by killing the flesh and pursuing holiness.

The Shoes of Peace

Our firm foundation is the Gospel of peace . We are secure in what Jesus has done.

��️ How to wear them daily:

Be a living example of Christ.
Share your testimony and speak hope.
Walk confidently knowing your future is secure in Him.

The Shield of Faith

Faith is what extinguishes the fiery arrows of the enemy.

��️ How to lift it daily:

Trust in God's promises even when you can't see the outcome.
Stay connected to other believers.
Remember past victories to fuel your current faith.

The Helmet of Salvation

This is the most essential piece. Without salvation, there is no battle to fight—and no victory to win.

��️ How to wear it daily:

Stand confidently in your identity as a child of God.
Feed your mind with spiritual truth: listen to sermons, podcasts, and teachings.
Be consistent in church attendance and worship.

Even in the darkest storms, the certainty of your salvation will be your light and strength.

The Sword of the Spirit

This is our only offensive weapon —the Word of God. It is powerful, alive, and active.

��️ How to wield it daily:

Read Scripture consistently. Make it a non-negotiable habit.
When attacked, respond with Scripture—just like Jesus did when tempted in the wilderness.
On hard days, immerse yourself in the Word. Take extra time if you need it. Let God's truth wash over you.

The Power of Prayer

Prayer is how we access God's strength. Without it, our armor has no power. Victory comes through prayer.

��️ How to pray daily:

Pray the moment you open your eyes. Ask for wisdom, strength, and direction.
Pray impulsively throughout the day—about anything and everything.
Before bed, kneel and have a conversation with your Creator. Give thanks, seek comfort, and align your heart with His.

Final Thoughts: Suit Up Daily

Although the war has already been won , the daily battle must still be fought. The enemy doesn't take days off—neither should we.

Thankfully, we have everything we need. The armor. The sword. The power of prayer. And most importantly, we have the presence of God Himself , who goes before us in every battle.

Suit up, believer. Stand firm. And walk confidently in the victory Christ has already secured for you.

Your Worst Enemy

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 16:57:02 GMT

“You are your own worst enemy.” How many times have I said that to myself? I've come to realize that although there's truth to it, there's something else that's even greater. It's name is shame. Shame is the enemy of our soul. We don't even realize it's there. It makes itself comfortable within us and settles in for the long haul. Shame becomes familiar and it rises up when we least expect it and knocks us off our feet. It likes to be in control.

Shame has had a grip on me since I was a child. It started when I was bullied by other kids because of my weight. I was the brunt of jokes and a target for snowballs. Names like “Fatso” replaced my own and it didn't take long until I believed their lies.

Shame has a voice. It says, “something's wrong with you. You're not good enough.” By the time I became an adult, it affected every area of my life. It stole my identity.

I've spent my life trying to prove that I was good enough. I fell into the trap trying to be all things to all people. I took on responsibilities that were not mine to take as I tried to fix everyone's problems. Underneath it all was a desperate need to know I was loved and accepted.

The more I strove, the more shame laughed in my face. I got to the place of brokenness where I physically walked with my head down. Shame thought it had won. I was at my lowest point and I cried out to God in desperation.

I didn't see fireworks or hear the Hallelujah Chorus but an awareness started deep in my soul. I realized that what I needed most was not the love and acceptance of others but His love. What amazed me was I had it all along. I had heard about it. I knew it in my head but all my striving and need for control kept it from reaching my heart. I didn't need to earn it. It was there waiting for me to accept it.

Now there's a transformation going on within me. It's not happening overnight. I still wrestle with shame but it doesn't have a grip on me. I walk with my head up and I'm learning who I really am. I'm learning to love myself because He loves me. It's a daily choice I have to make to turn to God and lean on Him. The power is in surrender. When I am weak. He is strong. There's no shame in weakness.

Maybe your experience is similar to mine. Shame likes to hide so I would encourage you to pray for awareness and when you get it, surrender the striving and need for control. The shame will leave as it gets exposed and comes face to face with the Lover of our souls. It can't stand in His presence. The freedom and peace you long for are waiting.

Broken Crayons Still Color

Sun, 06 Apr 2025 16:21:02 GMT

When I was a child, I loved the box of crayons that had 64 colors. I gravitated toward the metallic ones because they were so unique. Two years ago, I took a trip with my grandchildren to the Crayola Crayon Factory. I don't know who was more excited. After going through the various exhibits, we ended up in the gift shop where we could take a container and fill it with every crayon color imaginable. I felt like a kid again as I chose each one. I told myself I was buying them for my grandchildren but I knew who they were for. I don't have to tell you I chose every metallic color they had. Back at home, I was wary of letting the grandkids use them for fear they would break them and once they were broken, I didn't want to use them. Ridiculous I know.

Next month, I'll be 70 years old. As this milestone comes closer, so does a lot of self-awareness and introspection. I used to think that by this age, I'd have shifted into the “golden years” and everything would be ok. My kids would be grown and settled. I would be retired and spending time teaching my grandchildren how to bake cookies and volunteering somewhere doing community service. I also thought I'd be growing old with the love of my life and we would finally get to travel to all the places we had always wanted to see. Yes, my kids are grown and I do travel but not the way I thought. My body has decided to start protesting its age so I am limited in what I can do and I find myself alone most of the time. I've started to wonder if this is all there is? Why am I still here?

Maybe you've felt the same way. I don't know exactly what the reason is other than I have the blessing and wisdom of living this long. I've had trials and challenges that I've walked through and come out the other side. My heart's desire is to help others who are discouraged and feel hopeless. I've asked myself many times how I could help someone else when I have such a long way to go myself and then I heard the words, “broken crayons still color.”

Those words changed my perspective and gave me purpose. They showed me that God can take me in my broken, imperfect state and use me for good. He doesn't see the broken crayon, He sees the beautiful colors and He sees my heart. He sees the whole picture. So as long as I have breath, there's a reason. He's not finished with me yet.

Take the Time

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 20:40:35 GMT

I've heard a lot about the importance of sitting in silence and solitude. I've never been a fan of either one. Silence makes me feel awkward so I try to fill it by rattling on about something random. Most times it would've been better if I kept my mouth shut.

Solitude is another story. I would never voluntarily choose to be alone. I used to think solitude was a result of rejection and I would do everything in my power to avoid it. Lately, I've been looking at both in a different light.

I've been on a search for God's love for a long time. I had heard of it but it always seemed just beyond my grasp. Yesterday a friend challenged me. He asked me what my time with God looked like. I answered him honestly. God was part of a routine. I get up and don't know what to do with myself so I sit and have my “quiet time” with the Lord for lack of anything else. A default. He then told me about his time of silence and solitude. It was a beautiful thing full of raw emotion and longing. He came away feeling loved and strengthened. As he spoke, I felt something stir within me. I wanted what he had. I wanted to meet with God and to know His love. God was waiting and He wanted me to come to Him and I did.

It's hard to explain but all I know is that I woke up with anticipation and expectation. I went to my chair and started thinking of times where God met me. He's carried me through many storms, held my hand as I walked through the unknown and held me as I cried many tears. He's healed my heart when it's been broken and guided me when I had no idea what to do. I remembered how He loved my kids and brought them through trauma and tragedy when they didn't know He was there. He's healed me physically and emotionally and never turned His back on me even when I turned my back on Him.

As I sat there I got a sense of His mercy, love and faithfulness. Words came to my mind that were so clear that I had to write them down.

In closing, I'd like to share them and encourage you that if any of it resonates, take some time and embrace the silence and solitude. God will meet you there.

"Your Love

Your love is peace.

Your love is power.

Your love is mercy.

Your love is faithfulness.

Your love is strength.

You came as a baby.

You surrendered Your power and authority for me.

You suffered for me.

You didn't have to, but You did.

How can I ever thank You?

You didn't do it for praise.

You did it for love.”

And The Stockings Were Hung

Sat, 21 Dec 2024 20:34:05 GMT

“And the stockings were hung on the chimney with care.”

Most of us are familiar with that phrase. In my family, Christmas stockings have always been one of the best gifts of the day.

I made my first Christmas stocking after I was married. I didn't know what I was doing but I managed to make one for my husband that showed him skiing down a mountain as that was something he loved to do.

From there most of them were made from kits that involved a lot of felt and sequins to create the scene. I would work on them when I was expecting my next child as I sat outside and watched the older ones play. When it came down to my youngest, she didn't get hers until she was 5 as I had my hands full with the four of them. I'm surprised I actually finished it.

Each of those stockings tell a story and were chosen with much love. Some were so well loved that I had to make them a second time. I never minded. I was very protective of them and made sure they were stored carefully each year.

As my family expanded over the years through marriages and births, I carried on the tradition and made stockings for each one.

Every year at Christmas, I would love going shopping to find special surprises to fill them. In my old house they would hang from the mantel until they were filled and then placed under the tree. The best part of all was seeing everyone's faces as they pulled out each item. Those were special times.

Now things have changed and instead of the stockings being filled and placed under my tree, they get packed in my suitcase and travel many miles.

I've decided this will be the last year and when I return home from seeing my family, I will leave the stockings with them. As I made the decision, I was surprised at the emotions that rose up in me. I realized that I was afraid to let go of them because it would be the end of something I wasn't ready to give up. I found that I was holding onto something that I needed to release. It's not about the stockings, they're just a physical reminder of what used to be.

There's a time to hold on and a time to let go. The Book of Ecclesiastes says it so beautifully:

“To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones; A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing; A time to gain, And a time to lose; A time to keep, And a time to throw away; A time to tear, And a time to sew; A time to keep silence, And a time to speak; A time to love, And a time to hate; A time of war, And a time of peace.”

Seasons change and when they do, it's an opportunity for me to change and become the best I can be and with God's grace, I can do it with peace and joy.

It just occurred to me that I've never made a stocking for myself…maybe now’s the time.

Davie

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 13:46:29 GMT

Life is a constant series of events. Some good, some not. The good ones we need to hold on to. They will give us hope.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, “that's the last straw.” You could also interpret it as, “I can't take any more.” These phrases usually come to mind when you've going through a hard season and it's been one thing after another. I've been there. You've been there and now my daughter's there.

It's one thing when it's happening to us but another thing when it's happening to someone we love. To watch them suffer is harder than anything else.

Over the past six years, my child has experienced one life changing event after another. She's been knocked down time after time and I've watched her struggle to get back up. There have been times when she wanted to stay down and she would tell me, “I'm done.”

A couple weeks ago, she drove up to South Carolina to visit her sister. She went to lend a hand with some household projects. One night she received a phone call that broke her heart. Her house is currently up for sale as she is relocating to Wyoming. A realtor had brought a family to see the house and the agent noticed one of the cats lying on the bed. He wasn't moving. My daughter called her friend to go over to the house where she confirmed that the cat had passed away. His name was Davie.

If you know my Laura, you'll know she is an animal lover and takes excellent care of her pets. Davie was special to her. He was only 8 or 9 years old and must've had an undetected heart condition so his death was unexpected. Davie was more than a pet to her. He comforted her and stayed by her side during the hard times. She was devastated. The first thing she did was blame herself although there was nothing she could have done.

How often have we done the same thing? We want so badly to make sense of a tragedy that often we turn it inward and begin beating ourselves up until we're worn out with guilt and shame. If only I did this or said this, maybe it wouldn't have happened; when in reality, there was nothing we could've done. Life just happened.

All we can do is live each day the best we can. We can't control what the day will bring but, as I've said before, we have a choice how we respond. In Laura's case, she needed to grieve but not with shame or guilt, just raw pure emotions of sorrow.

That's when the healing starts.

Lost and Found

Tue, 19 Nov 2024 00:51:32 GMT

“If it was a snake, it would've bit you.” That's what my mother used to say after I found something that was lost.
I can't even count how many times it happened where I ran around frantically trying to find something only to discover it was right in front of me all along. For instance, I'm running around looking for my glasses and they're on my head or, this is really bad, I was talking to a friend and looking for my cell phone only to realize I was talking on it! I can't believe I admitted that.
What I'm trying to say is that we can get so distracted by what's going on in life that we can't see what's right in front of us.
I know a couple who were terribly hurt by their church, the pastor in particular. The couple were faithful servants and went the extra mile constantly to help out. A situation arose where the couple was falsely accused and their character attacked. The pastor believed a lie over the truth. The couple was devastated. As a result, they left the church. Their hearts were broken
To many of us, the church represents God but we forget the church is run by men and women who are fallible. God is the only one who is perfect. When the couple left the church, their faith was shaken. It left a big hole inside of them.
More than 10 years went by. They were getting older and decided to move closer to their daughter. Covid was still rearing its ugly head and the real estate market was out of control. Even so, they won a bid on a beautiful home near the foothills of the Rocky Mountains.
I visited there last year for the first time. When I stepped out onto their back deck, I was amazed by what I saw. There before me was a breathtaking view. There were acres of prairie with Pikes Peak standing majestically in the background. I could hardly take it all in.
Out of all that beauty, there was something that caught my eye. On the other side of their fence I saw a building and three crosses on a hillside. The building was a church.
I knew immediately this was no coincidence. With God, there is no such thing. God hadn't forgotten about them. He never stopped loving them. I watched as He drew them until one day my friend asked me if I would go to church with her. Her husband wasn't ready. We went that Sunday and the next. We came home to find her husband watching the service live online. It took another few months and her husband went with her. Since then they've attended faithfully, gotten involved and made some new friends but most of all, they dared to trust God. What once was lost is now found.
The moral of the story is that God never gives up on us no matter how far we wander. We may feel lost but He knows exactly where we are. Nothing is beyond the scope of His love for us, not even putting a church in our own backyard. If it were a snake…

A Watermelon for Lana

Tue, 29 Oct 2024 00:04:12 GMT

From the time she was a little girl, I had my granddaughter, Lana, beside me in the garden. At first all she wanted to do was play in the dirt but it didn't take long for her to catch the passion of watching seeds spring to life.

Every year she would help me plant and water the garden and I loved the joy on her face as she picked the products of her labor…now, she didn't eat the vegetables, she just loved growing them!

In the past two years, life has changed. I no longer have the big garden and Lana has moved far away. Last year before she moved, I was desperate to hang on to our tradition so I bought a couple of big pots and tomato plants. I had her plant them before she left and for the first time, the plants didn't make it. For me, it felt like a mirror to my soul.

This year I had decided not to plant anything. I adopted the attitude that it was no use. It would never be the same without sharing it with Lana.

That attitude showed me I was still grieving. Grief is something that never goes away. It's important you recognize it because you can make steps to go forward and not stay stuck in one place. I didn't know how to do this but God who is so rich in mercy, showed me the way.

It turned out that Lana came up for a couple of weeks this summer. I had her for three days. While she was here, I got those big flower pots and checked my seed supply. Among the packets, I found a little plastic bag with the words “watermelon seeds” that contained two seeds that Lana had saved a few years before. She got all excited and insisted we plant them. I didn't have the heart to tell her they probably would not grow.

She planted her precious seeds and went back home with me promising I would water them. Shortly after she left, I went on a trip and was gone for two weeks. My sister faithfully watered them but sadly nothing happened.

I felt bad as I had hoped to be proven wrong and we could've shared a “garden” once more. I ended up stirring the dirt around and sprinkled a few flower seeds on the top. In just a few days, I saw a sprout. It was definitely not a flower. It was a watermelon! One of Lana's seeds had come to life and with it the part of me that had been grieving came to life also. It gave me hope.

It's been a month since that seed came to life. I forgot how fast things can grow. I've taken pictures of it to send to Lana and it's obvious how it grew overnight.

This morning I looked out and a flower had appeared on the plant…a promise of something yet to be. I couldn't wait to tell Lana!

Will we get a watermelon? I don't know but that's not what's the most important. I'm holding to the fact that God knew the heart of a grandmother who was grieving something she thought was dead but brought it back to life in a new way. A good way.

As I was writing this, I forgot to mention that I wrote a children's book for Lana so she would remember all the time we spent together in the garden. At that time, I didn't even remember I had those watermelon seeds. This is the closing paragraph:

“We had lots of good vegetables from our garden this year. I hope I can help GiGi next year. Maybe we can plant watermelon!”

Coincidence? No. It was a hug from God showing how much He loves me and Lana. That's what I want Lana to remember. That's the legacy.

Update: Since I wrote this story a few months ago, we did get a couple of watermelons! It has been a joy to share this with Lana. I told her I would try and find a way to ship one to to her!

When the Unepected Comes

Sat, 28 Sep 2024 18:39:47 GMT

When the unexpected comes, it's like a thief in the night and it's times like these that you need the love and support of those around you.

We've all been there. The phone rings with the news you never wanted to hear. Your child suddenly decides to turn his back on you. The test results come back with something you never hoped to face. But no matter what, there's always a choice and there's always hope.

You may be in a place right now where you don't know what to do. It's out of your hands and you don't have control. That's where I am.

Back in the 90s I had a brain tumor. It was benign but the surgery was dangerous and I developed complications that were life threatening. God in His mercy brought me through and gave me my life back. I thought that chapter of my life was closed.

If you've walked this journey with me, you know I've had a health issue that resulted in my getting an mri. The results showed that there is a possibility that the brain tumor is back. It knocked me for a loop and I found myself fighting for any semblance of control. I spent most of the day frantically making phone calls and sending messages to my doctors and trying to set up the second mri, but it wasn't until I listened to the still small voice that said, “Be still, and know that I am God,” that I felt peace. After that moment, things started coming together and fell into place.

All of this has made me even more thankful for my dear prayer warriors that have stood beside me through so many of life's challenges. It's times like these that we need to let our guard down and reach out to those around us so they can pray. It has made all the difference.

My prayer today for you is this:

Lord, when life gets hard and doesn't make sense. Help us to remember we don't carry our burdens alone. You are always there and you hear the prayers from us and for us. Give us the strength we need to walk along these unexpected paths and help us to see Your light in the darkness. Thank you Lord for never giving up on us. In Jesus’ name I pray.

Who's In Control?

Wed, 21 Aug 2024 21:15:49 GMT

Helpless. I hate feeling helpless. Any time I face something I can't fix, that's how I feel. It started when I was a little girl. As some of you know, my sister developed epilepsy and started having seizures when she was 18 months old. I would've been six. I don't remember much about that time or the years that followed. It's said that trauma can cause you to block out events and store them away in the recesses of your mind. Children are especially prone to this because they don't have the coping skills to deal with them.

There are a few things that I do remember; such as the time when my sister was in Kindergarten and she started having seizures that wouldn't stop and the doctor told us there was no hope…helpless. Another time when she was around eleven, she had ten seizures in one day. All I could do was stand by and wait for them to pass…helpless. This feeling of helplessness made me feel out of control and put me on a path of making sure I would do everything in my power to stay in control. It got so bad that I would manipulate people and circumstances in order to stay in that place.

I'm sure you can imagine how well that worked. The harder I tried, the more out of control I felt because life happens to everyone and like it or not, sometimes there is nothing we can do to fix it.

Lately I've been battling with control again. It's never really left but subsides if things are going my way. I've had some physical issues lately that have triggered old feelings and emotions and it's made me feel that I was going backward which terrifies me.

Today I met with my counselor. She asked me two things. First she asked “Who's in control?” I knew the right answer was God and that's what I told her but then she asked me “If Jesus were here, could you convince Him you believe that?” I was dumbfounded and it took me several minutes to give her an answer and that answer was “no.” I couldn't convince Him because I wasn't convinced myself.

Oh, how I want to be convinced. I'm not saying I've never trusted God because I have but I pick and choose when and how. In the situation I'm facing now, it's one that I've fought Him for control all my life. When Jesus gave His life for me, it was for all of me, not just for the pieces I would choose to accept.

Think of it this way. Imagine an occasion is coming up and you knocked yourself out to make it beautiful. Part of it involved making a lot of sacrifices to buy special gifts to hand out. As you gave out the gifts, you noticed certain people pushing some of the gifts to the side and they left without taking them home. I know I would feel sad and disappointed that what I had done was not enough. This is what we do to Jesus when we don't surrender control in every area.

If you can relate, please join me in this prayer. Father, I want to give You control in every area of my life. Help me to recognize when I'm fighting You for it and release it. You will never force me and it's my decision to make which I thankfully make now. Dear God, help me to remember that You are with me wherever I go and You will always give me the strength I need in any situation. Thank you for sacrificing Your only Son so I can walk in freedom from feeling the need to control. Amen

Faith in the Midst of Fear

Tue, 06 Aug 2024 23:44:46 GMT

Do you remember spinning in circles as a child? The whole point was to get dizzy and stumble around trying not to fall down.

I'm sitting here watching my two granddaughters doing that exact thing. They're twirling around and around with big smiles on faces and laughing as they stumble. To be a child…

Somewhere along the line, this simple pleasure became a source of bondage for me. I have a fear of vertigo. In fact, I'm experiencing a season of it right now and it has me in a state of anxiety. It's become a stronghold.

I have asked myself how this fear started. I have prayed many times for God to take it away but I know the best way to get rid of it is to get to the root.

If you ask God what's going on, He will tell you. So today as I sat watching my grandchildren, He showed me that it was another area where I was afraid of losing control. The difference between my grandchildren and myself was that they welcomed the loss of control while I am paralyzed by it.

I feel my chest tightening just talking about it so I know that hit the mark. So what do I do with this? I need to do what He's shown me to do…I need to face it and take the steps necessary to overcome it.

I've already talked to my doctor and my son and daughter-in-law, who are also doctors. They all recommended a simple maneuver that should fix it. The only problem is the maneuver will bring on the vertigo while I do it and the thought of it terrifies me.

I know I have to deal with it so today when I went to church, I went to the prayer room for prayer. God is so merciful when we struggle. I know I shouldn't be afraid to do this but He didn't judge me. Instead, He sent a woman to pray with me and it turned out she knew exactly what I was talking about because she too had to do the same exercise for vertigo. It was then I looked at her name rag. Her name was Hope. God used that woman to give me hope when I needed it most.

Two days have passed and I'm still wrestling with this. I spoke to my counselor who told me she did the same maneuver on her husband and his vertigo stopped. I didn't need any other confirmation of what I needed to do. After our phone call, I positioned myself to do the maneuver. The first step is to lie back quickly until I'm flat on the bed. I went halfway a couple of times and then the fear would get me and I'd sit straight up again. At one point I got up and sat in a chair beating myself up with shame.

I knew I had to face this fear but in order to do so, I had to walk through it. I prayed and asked God for courage. I stood up, sat down on the bed and did the maneuver. It made the vertigo pretty intense and I wanted to get up and run but God gave me the strength to finish the exercise. The last step was to rise to a sitting position. There was no vertigo and I haven't had any since. I had no idea whether that maneuver would work for me but I knew I had to try even if it didn’t.

I'm reminded of the verse from Psalm 56:3:

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”

No matter if the fear is small or a stronghold, God is greater than your fear and He will strengthen you as you walk through it.

Jesus, thank that You know our fears and You want us free from them. Please help us bring them to You and receive the strength and courage to take that first step and You walk us through to the other side.

The Birds

Tue, 09 Jul 2024 00:55:48 GMT

When I was a little girl, I used to go and stay with my aunt for a week every summer. My aunt loved birds and would feed them right outside her kitchen window so she could watch them. She even learned how to replicate some of their birdsongs. Her favorite was the cardinal. Every time I see one, I think of her.

I inherited her fascination with birds so if you come and sit with me in my backyard, you'll see my birdfeeder and birdhouses. I look forward to spring when the sparrows build their nests and I will soon hear the baby birds chirping their song.

This year was a little different. Instead of building their nest in the spring, they came in the summer. I thought it was a little odd but it wasn't long until I heard the babies singing.

The other day I noticed the roof to the birdhouse was giving way and was only hanging on by one corner. Not good. I had visions of the last corner letting go and that precious little family plummeting to the ground. Last night we had a bad storm and I was afraid to look outside. Thankfully it was still there hanging by a thread.

I went out to investigate and as I got underneath it, I didn't hear anything. I pulled the branch down and peered in. Nothing was moving so I thought maybe the little birds were big enough and flew away. I decided to take that house down and replace it with another. As I set it on the ground, I lifted off the roof and to my surprise, there were three little birds fast asleep! I was horrified because I didn't know what to do. How was I going to fix this?

The key word here is “fix.” Earlier this morning I was struggling with a couple of situations happening to people I love. I was tormented with worry because I couldn't do anything to fix them. I sat there and prayed asking God for His help. He reminded me of this verse:

“Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?” Matthew 6:26 NLT‬

At first I thought He was talking to me about the birds but then I realized He was talking to me personally. He was trying to help me see that there are certain situations only He can fix and therefore, worrying is pointless. He cares about my loved ones so much more than I could even imagine. He has always taken care of them and He always will. My job is to pray and leave it in His hands unless He tells me otherwise.

So back to the birdhouse. At first my mind started racing frantically with “What do I do?” but then I heard that verse again about God taking care of the birds. I ended up putting super glue on the roof and hammering in the old nails the best I could. After the glue set, I carefully put it back in the tree. I checked 30 min later and it's still there with the mother bird flying in and out caring for her babies.

If you have been following my journey, you know there's a moral to every story. This one is about hope. Hope that God is in control and I don't need to worry. Hope that He will fix what needs fixing in His way and His time. Hope that I can believe even when I don't understand. Hope that He will always bring about something good. And hope that He will make a way where there is no way. I know it's not easy to stop worrying but with hope, it's possible.

Father, help me to remember how much you care about everything that concerns me. Bring back to my memory all the times You worked everything out. Help me to let go and lay my worries at Your feet. Thank you for loving me even when I doubt.

Be Still

Sat, 29 Jun 2024 13:10:09 GMT

Dread: to fear greatly, be in extreme apprehension of; to be reluctant to experience.

All of us have fallen victim to it and it plays havoc with our minds and emotions. It can attach itself to just about anything. It could be a speaking engagement, a ride on a roller coaster or saying goodbye to a loved one.

The past few days I've found myself in a place of dread. A situation was going to present itself where I didn’t want to be. It meant saying goodbye to something precious and embracing something very uncomfortable and awkward and the countdown was on.

Dread seems to hit me the hardest first thing in the morning. When I open my eyes, it’s as if a huge rubber band has been wrapped around my chest and my mind starts to race. This morning was no different except for one thing…I heard the words, “Be Still.” I’m no expert on the voice of God but one thing I am learning is that God’s voice can shatter the darkness and most of the time it doesn’t make sense…at least to me. So here I was laying there needing to get up and start my day so I could distract myself from the inevitable and I heard the words, “Be Still?” I got up out of bed and decided to listen to those words by grabbing the Bible for a few minutes. I opened it to Psalm 46 and my eyes fell on these words, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth!”

No coincidence. I then looked at my Bible app on my phone, the verse of the day was. “Be still…” Later I was on Instagram. A lady I follow posted a message for the day. Guess what verse she used? I don't have to tell you. Lastly, another post caught my eye and yes, same verse. I didn't have to ask God what was going on. I needed to wait for Him to show me.

This morning I woke up and the same dread tried to creep in. After breakfast I decided to take a walk. The surroundings here are beautiful and peaceful so I prayed God would show me Himself in the beauty around me.

As I walked, the battle rose up within me and I found myself fighting emotions of anger, resentment and frustration. “This isn't the way it's supposed to be Lord.” I walked on. Suddenly I heard the words coming out of my mouth, “Be still and know that I am God.” I repeated them over and over. Tears came to my eyes and then I felt it…peace.

I finished my walk knowing that being still requires action. It sounds contradictory, I know, but for me, it required separating myself from my situation and taking a walk. It also required me to focus on the words I'd been given whether I felt like it or not and hanging onto them until I felt a breakthrough.

God is no respecter of persons. If He got through to me, He'll get through to you and when He does, hold on to whatever He gives you. It's then that dread and fear will have no stronghold and you'll know He is God. Your God.

Fly Away

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 17:16:48 GMT

God has a way of getting my attention. He got it yesterday. I am visiting my son and babysitting my grandkids. I took the kids outside to get some fresh air and they decided to ride their bikes and scooters. It wasn't long before the Georgia heat and humidity became oppressive and they had enough. My granddaughter went to take her bike back to the garage. She came flying out seconds later yelling, “GiGi, there's a hummingbird in the garage! Thus began a process to set the captive free.

I love hummingbirds. It amazes me how something so small can move so quickly. You can blink your eyes and they're gone. Not this time. The poor little thing was so confused and frantic as he tried to find a way out. He found his way to a window and kept flying into it. He could see freedom on the other side but couldn't figure out how to get there. We were at a loss how to help him.

My son came home from work and we explained what was going on. He tried his best to coax the little bird toward the open door but to no avail.

It was then I decided to do what I usually do…I went to Google. Believe it or not, some guy made a YouTube video on “How To Get A Hummingbird Out Of Your Garage “ Long story short, we had to wait until the hummingbird wore himself out. We watched him literally collapse and fall onto a shelf but it was then my son was able to gently pick him up and set him free. We all cheered as he flew away.

As I was reliving this memory today, it hit me big time how much I could relate on a personal level. There have been many times I have felt trapped by circumstances and emotions where I couldn't find my way out. I would frantically try anything and everything to find the open door. I could see freedom but something stood between us. It wasn't until I exhausted all my strength that I made it to the other side. I didn't walk and I didn't run…I was gently carried. God picked me up and carried me through the open door so I could spread my wings and fly. It's called surrender.

It's happened more times than I can count and it's happening as I speak. I fight it every time and I think it's because I'm afraid it won't work out the way I want it to yet it's always the right way.

“Lord, let me get to the end of myself sooner and put everything in Your hands. Help me to trust You from the onset and help me remember all the times You have brought me through. Thank you for all the times You have picked me up and carried me, even now, and thank you for the gift of freedom. Amen”

Feelings

Sat, 01 Jun 2024 21:01:16 GMT

I'm what you'd call “a feeler.” This means I am very sensitive to my emotions and those of the people around me. It's not a bad thing but if I'm not careful, it has and will get me in trouble.

For some reason drama follows me wherever I go. It used to be that I thrived in the chaos as I didn't know any other way to live. I figured it was just part of life. Now that I'm older, I've realized that it's not about what's going on around me. It's about what's going on within me.

We can't always change our circumstances and it doesn't help to worry about what may happen. I need to deal with today but there are times when I need to look back to see how far I've come or more importantly, how far God's brought me.

It was about 5 years ago. I remember I was sitting on my swing in the backyard. At that point I felt like my world was falling apart and I felt trapped and hopeless. On that particular day, I came across Psalm 103. I was familiar with it as we used to sing it in church but on this day, the words jumped out at me like never before:

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.”

When I read this, the last thing I wanted to do was “bless the Lord” but I decided to say it even if I didn't feel it. I have said these verses many times since then when I've been sick, when I've been anxious and depressed and when I didn't feel I had the strength to fight the battle. It has comforted me and restored me but most of all, it has put my focus back on God and when I did, it didn't matter how I “felt.”

Today, the feelings are trying to grab my attention. There are people and situations I'd like to change but I can't. There are sicknesses I wish I could heal and financial burdens I wish I could lighten so I'm going back to Psalm 103. I'm going to bless the Lord for others and I'm going to bless the Lord for myself because despite my feelings. He's still in control.

It's A New Day

Sun, 05 May 2024 19:00:20 GMT

It’s A New Day

It’s been six months since my daughter and her family moved away. My daughter and I used to do so much together. Before she was married, we would go to craft shows, yard sales, out to eat and even go on vacations. After she had her daughters, things changed a little. Instead of vacations and craft shows, it was more like playgrounds and kid-friendly places.

At first it didn’t hit me. I was busy flying back and forth visiting down south but now the dust has settled. The weather is getting nice and memories are flooding back. The grief of missing her has been rising to the surface.

This week I drove by our favorite coffee shop. The shop is the downstairs of a big old house with a wrap-around porch. We would place our order and sit on one of the many rocking chairs as we enjoyed our coffee. When the girls were born, we would take them in their baby seats or strollers and bribe them with a corn muffin so we could enjoy the peace and quiet. I have many good memories of our times there, but every time I drove by, I felt a sadness deep in my soul and I couldn’t imagine ever going there without them.

Today I was in the area and I made a last minute decision to stop. I pushed the memories from my mind as I ordered my coffee and found a rocking chair. I didn’t stay long but it was long enough. It made me realize that there’s a time to be sad but then you have to start living again. Will I forget all the good times? No, I’m thankful for the memories, but there comes a time when you have to push past the pain because you never know what’s waiting for you on the other side.

I know this was only the beginning. I have many more places to go and things to do even if I do them alone. It’s not what I'd like, but I know life will go on if I take that first step.

My prayer is this, “Lord, help me to remember that I am never alone and that you’re doing something new in my life. It’s never too late to change and You’re not done with me yet. Help me to see You at work in my life. Amen”

I'll Give You Something to Cry About

Mon, 29 Apr 2024 20:18:02 GMT

Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about! Ouch! How many of us heard those words growing up or said them to our own children? I'm pretty sure I said it to mine.

Crying is prompted by an emotion. God made us to cry. Jesus cried. Could you imagine God the Father telling Him to stop?

I rarely cried growing up even into adulthood. The only time I cried was when I was angry or someone died. I used to look at tears as a sign of weakness but no more.

All of us were made to show emotion. There's a way to handle it for sure but stuffing them down inside is not one of them. That was how I handled it until I was around 50 and then the dam burst and I thought I would never stop.

It shook me up pretty bad because I thought I was losing my mind but it was just the unleashing of decades of pent up hurt, resentment and anger. Now I can cry at the drop of a hat. My kids roll their eyes when they see the tears in mine. I can only imagine they don't know what to do with the new me.

I've had to learn how to recognize my emotions and deal with them and most of all, not to be ashamed of my tears.

There's definitely a time and a place to cry. If you're a parent, you know that the bulk of your tears will be over your children. Someone once said to me that “you're only as happy as your saddest child.” I poured my heart out before God weeping out of fear until one day, I read this verse.

“Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears, for your work shall be rewarded declares the Lord, and your children shall return from the land of the enemy.” Jeremiah 31:16

What that said to me was it was ok to cry but there's a time to stop, dry our eyes, lift them up and know that God's got this. He knows. He sees the situation and He will give us the strength to get through it. He'll make a way.

So cry my friend. It's going to be ok.

Why Do I Pray?

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 14:09:26 GMT

I talk to God all day long. That's how I pray but today I was asked the question, why do I pray?

I pray when I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been a control freak my whole life. I don’t like the unknown. I like to know what I’m doing. I need a plan. Lately there have been many times that I’ve felt out of control. There are things I can’t fix or change so I pray until I can let it go.

I pray when I want answers.

Once again, wanting to have some kind of control. I've always felt if I had some kind of explanation, or understanding, I could deal with the circumstances better.

I pray when my heart aches .

My heart aches when I’m dealing with some kind of loss. It usually involves a relationship whether family or friend.

I pray when I’m lonely.

I’ve always been around people. I wouldn’t call myself an extrovert unless the situation calls for it, but I like being with others. I admire those who can go to a restaurant or to the movies and just enjoy themselves. That’s not me. I’m always aware of the empty seat beside me.

There are many verses in the Bible where God tell us we’re never alone. Psalm 23 says He is by my side. Isaiah tells us not to be afraid because He is with us. So, trying to keep that in mind, I pray when I’m lonely.

I pray when I need comfort.

When my heart is aching, I need comfort. Talking to God brings me comfort. Sometimes all I need to is just sit quietly. Other times I vent it all out.

I pray when I’m afraid.

I hate to say it but this is probably 85% of my prayers. Most of the time, I have nothing to substantiate my fears other than a feeling but I’m sure you know that when you live by your feelings, you give them power. That’s never a good thing.

I pray when others are suffering.

This is a hard one because it involves all of of the above. I hate suffering. I want to fix things and make everything better but there are times there’s nothing I can do. But, I can pray.

Why is it we think of prayer as our last resort? It should be the first thing we do in the morning and the last thing we do at night. We’re not talking to the air. Our words are not bouncing off the ceiling. They are being heard by God who is very much alive and loves us just as we are.

As I looked at my answers, I realized it was pretty one sided. Prayer is communication and communication involves both sides getting the chance to talk. Prayer is not just about pleading or begging, it's about having an honest conversation with God. It's about letting ourselves let it all hang out and not being afraid, ashamed or guilty. He knows how we feel. He knows our hearts and He loves us no matter what. He wants our conversations to be two sided but in order to do that, we have to sit and listen. I can't even imagine how many times I've missed what He's had to say. To be honest, sometimes I'm afraid to hear what He has to say because my prayers haven't always been answered the way I had hoped.

The Bible says that “the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective.” That's how I want to pray.

I have changes to make but in order to do that, I have to be willing to accept His answers even if they don't match my own…if not, I'm just wasting my breath.

Father, may I pray in faith knowing I can trust You with the outcome and grow in the knowledge that You are good and Your love never grows cold. Amen

You Will Get Through It

Thu, 04 Apr 2024 02:46:57 GMT

Last night I happened to look at my Facebook page before going to bed. I saw a post from a friend that made my heart ache. Her beloved husband passed away suddenly at 40 years old leaving her and their nine year old daughter behind. They are numb with grief and shock. Grief is no respecter of persons. It comes like a thief in the night. Twenty-two years ago I was in that place.

People meant well but I found the ones who truly brought comfort were the ones who had been where I was. They were the ones that knew what to say and sometimes they didn’t have to say anything at all. They were just there.

Grief affects everyone but each of us will process it in our own way. First comes the shock and then you go numb. After that a myriad of emotions will surface such as sadness, loneliness, anger and depression. You can stuff everything inside, but the best thing to do is feel the emotions. Recognize them for what they are. They are not a sign of weakness. They are necessary for healing.

The news of my friend’s husband brought back a flood of memories of how I immediately kicked into survival mode. I remember telling my children that we were not going to be mad at God. That was denial in its greatest form. Little did I know it was exactly what we needed to do. It was bound to happen and it didn’t help to deny it.

Many years went by before I realized how angry I really was. I was angry at the doctors, myself, and my husband, but I was mostly angry at God because, after all, couldn’t He have prevented it? I was good at telling people how powerful He was and I believed He could do anything ...so why didn’t He?

I wrestled with this for a long time. For the first ten years, I couldn’t even pray. My faith was so shaken. My children were crushed. I was crushed. All I could do was go through the motions pretending I still believed. People would come to me and ask me to pray for them and I felt like a hypocrite.

As I said before, each one of us processes differently. My children were grieving and I didn’t know what to do. Laura was 10 when Rob died. She was her Daddy’s little girl and suddenly there was a void I couldn’t fill. Laura and I would get helium balloons and write messages to Daddy on them and then go outside and send them to heaven. We'd watch until they disappeared above the clouds. One of my other children shut down emotionally. He cried the day his father died and never again. Every fiber of our faith was tested and some of us walked away from God for a long time. Some are still trying to figure it out to this day and I can’t help but wonder if they will ever reconcile with their grief.

Recently someone reminded me of this verse, “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” Isaiah 53:3

It's talking about Jesus. I never gave much thought to His human side. He has emotions just like us. He grieves, just like us. He knows what it's like to be sad and suffer pain. Somehow, this brings me comfort. It reminded me that everything we go through, He did too. He understands our pain and our grief because He's been there. He didn't have to but He did it for me and for you. I don't know anyone who would do that, let alone God. He did it out of love.

If anything I said resonates with you, I encourage you to grieve. Talk with someone, write out your thoughts. Feel the emotions and then lay it all at the feet of Jesus because He understands.

If you need support, there's an organization called Grief Share. They will come alongside you. It doesn't matter how long it's been. Grief has no timeline. You'll never get over your grief but you will get through it.

Perfect Love

Wed, 13 Mar 2024 21:23:38 GMT

Faith, hope and love,,,and the greatest of these is love.

Love. It means one thing to some and different things to others. One definition that most of us are familiar with is “attachment or deep affection for another person.” We mostly use it as a verb and attach it to people, places or things. We even have a national holiday in celebration of it.

Lately I've been thinking about another kind of love. It's the kind that never changes and has withstood the test of time. It is gentle and kind. It is patient and doesn't hold a grudge. It gives second chances and is deep and unconditional.

I've been looking for this kind of love all my life but it has always been beyond my grasp. I didn't know why…until now. I've been looking for it in places it couldn't be found. I thought I had to earn it to be worthy of it. This has left me disappointed and heartbroken.

1 John 4:18 reads, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”

Perfect love can't be earned. It needs only to be received. Sounds simple but it wasn't for me because something was standing in the way. In this age of self-awareness, I became aware of several things. First was a fear of rejection followed by fear of abandonment. As I've been dealing with them, I hoped to have a breakthrough in knowing the love of God. Fear just kept rearing it's ugly head. In His mercy, God didn't leave me there.

I'm learning that breakthrough comes when we exhaust our own strength and give ourselves to God in total surrender.

That's where I found myself today and it was at that point that He showed me what's been standing between us. It's the fear of not being loved. In that one moment it was as if the scales fell from my eyes.

It explained all the performing, people pleasing and control. It showed me how that fear touched every area of my life and why I've always felt unworthy, especially with God. I've been so consumed with trying to earn His love while all along He was waiting for me to freely take it.

Going forward, I don't know what it's going to look like. All I know is a weight lifted off of me and I know I don't have to strive to be loved. His love is perfect and as I receive it, the fear will leave because He said it would.

Our Father

Wed, 21 Feb 2024 21:23:32 GMT

Growing up in the Catholic Church, I learned a prayer as a child. The words became repetitive and rote and they never had much significance…until now.

I am currently enrolled in a course through my church. We are given assignments which involve reading various books, watching videos and writing papers. One of my latest assignments was to take a look at this prayer and pray it for 15 minutes a day for 7 days.

On day 1, I didn’t get past the first two words. Day 2, the same thing happened. By Day 3, I knew something was happening deep in my soul. These are the first two words….Our Father.

Father takes on a different meaning for different people. For me the word “father” brought up negative memories. As an adult, I began taking my faith more seriously and now that I looked at God as the Father, I couldn’t grasp the concept that He was “my” Father.

As I prayed those first two words, I felt for the first time that God was my Father. The revelation hit me that Jesus, God’s only son, gave us this prayer. He told His disciples, “This is how you should pray…” He could’ve begun His prayer with just the word “Father,” or He could’ve said, “My Father,” but He didn’t. He said Our Father. God isn’t just the Father of Jesus, He’s yours and mine. We have the same right to come to Him as Jesus did because a high price was paid for it. The price was the life of His only Son and He paid it willingly for all of us.

Those two words have changed my life. It has changed the way I pray and the way I think. I completed the assignment going through the rest of the prayer. I had a deeper understanding of it than ever before but it all started with the first two words.

If, like me, your father wasn’t a good role model or maybe he was absent altogether, I’m willing to bet there has always been an empty place inside of you. I encourage you to try this assignment. I’ve talked with others in the class, and everyone came away with what they needed the most. Mine was knowing the love of God as my Father. As Jesus said: "This then is how you should pray:

Our Father,

who art in heaven,

hallowed be Thy name,

Thy Kingdom come,

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts,

As we forgive our debtors.

And lead us not

Into temptation,

But deliver us from evil."

Someone is Watching

Wed, 07 Feb 2024 03:43:29 GMT

I love the sweet memories of my children when they were little. I remember one time when Joel was about 4. He.was up on a stage where he was fighting some monster and celebrating his victory as it was defeated. He thought no one was watching.

Now that he's older, the monsters are bigger and the battle more intense. He gets so tired and weary that he forgets to celebrate the victories and he wonders if anyone is watching.

Joel is a resident emergency room doctor. He chose that profession because of the suffering he's had to face in his own life. He just wants to help people. Last night he faced a terrible trial.

At one point in his shift, someone was brought in with a life-threatening condition. My son found himself running alongside the gurney performing life sustaining measures as they rushed the patient into surgery. Despite all efforts, the patient didn't make it. Joel now had to make his way to the waiting room where a group of family members were praying and hoping for a miracle. As he broke the news, their world shattered, and people started screaming and wailing in grief. Joel went to back work also grieving.

When I heard this story, I started to cry. Not just for the bereaved family but for my son. It's beyond me how anyone would want to put themselves in a position to witness such a loss over and over again when you've tried everything you know to prevent it. My heart aches for you Joel. There's nothing I can do to relieve your pain but pray.

I went to my Bible to the book of Lamentations. I needed some hope and this is where my eyes landed:

“I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit; you heard my plea, ‘Do not close your ear to my cry for help!’ You came near when I called on you; you said, ‘Do not fear.”

Lamentations 3:55-57

Reading those words gave me comfort. They told me that God hears our cries. He's not oblivious to our pain. He cares and He will always come when we call on Him.

So that is my prayer for you Joel, that you would call out to the One who loves you and is always there for you. You don't have to do this alone. He was there as you ran beside the gurney. He was there when you walked in the waiting room. He's there with you now.

If you have a loved one or maybe it's you that are struggling through a hard time, I encourage you to call on God. He'll hear you. He will be with you and He will make a way to get You through.

God never said it would be easy, but He did promise to be with us.

If You Don't Laugh...

Tue, 23 Jan 2024 22:14:15 GMT

If you don't laugh, you'll cry. That has been my motto. Well, this was one of those times.

Recently I was on a trip down south to visit my kids for the holidays. Since my kids are spread out in four different states, I decided to get the most bang for my buck and see as many of them as possible. The journey began as I flew to see my son and daughter-in-law in North Carolina. From there I took a bus to South Carolina to visit my daughter and her family. What should have been a four hour trip turned into 6-½ hrs as the bus broke down halfway there. There's a Bible verse that says, “‭‭Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.” Needless to say, not one of my favorites. Joy is a choice and with joy, you can laugh. So, when the bus broke down, I decided to make the best of it, even when the lady behind me chose to change her daughter's dirty diaper and the fumes were overwhelming and when I hobbled off the bus with my bad knee to go find something edible in the dollar store. I ended up finding a generic lunchable with bologna and cheese. I couldn't bring myself to read the ingredients. (Actually part of me enjoyed it but that's our secret). What got me through was keeping my mind on where I was going…being with my family and seeing the smiles on my granddaughter's faces. For that, I would've climbed a mountain.

The next leg of the journey involved another bus ride to Georgia a week later. After a nice visit with my oldest son and his family, he dropped me at the airport and this was where the “count it all joy” was going to make or break me.

Since my knee was in rebellion, I arranged for a wheelchair to take me to my gate. If any of you have flown from Atlanta, you know this is one of the biggest airports in the world. When I arrived at the wheelchair assistance area, there were many people in front of me. I literally sat there until 10 min before my flight was boarding waiting for an escort. My panic level was very high even though I was assured I wouldn't miss my flight.

When we arrived at TSA security, the line wasn't terribly long but the woman in front of me didn't have an acceptable ID and the line stopped moving. It gets better. We finally got around her to another agent and proceeded up to the conveyor belt where I placed my shoes and suitcases so they could be scanned. I stepped through the body scanner and waited for my things. My plane was now boarding. As my belongings came out of the machine, I quickly grabbed them only to find one of my shoes was missing! I think I went into shock. I searched other bins coming down the belt but my shoe was nowhere to be found. I was on the verge of hysteria. Count it all joy? Since I didn't have any other shoes, I knew leaving was not an option. Thankfully, they searched the machine and found it a few minutes later but the clock was ticking. We had to take two elevators, a train and race through hallways. As we rounded the corner to the gate we found an empty waiting room. All the passengers had boarded. As soon as she saw us, the agent at the gate said, Oh I thought my ladies were going to miss their flight! We made it with minutes to spare. Count it all joy.

When I arrived at my assigned seat, there was a gentleman sitting in it. At this point, everything in me wanted to grab him by the shirt collar. Count it all joy. Instead, I politely informed him he was in the wrong seat. After giving me a deer in the headlights look, he moved over. I sat down and took some deep breaths to calm my racing heart.

I've told this story many times. I realized I could share it with the frustration and anger that I felt at the time but it wasn't going to do me any good to revive those feelings. Instead I decided to count it all joy and bring joy to others by giving them a good laugh…the part about my shoe was the highlight.

Life is hard. There's no way around it. We are all on our own journeys, some longer than others. Our stories are being written but we can choose how they end. If you know me, you know mine has been of paralyzing anxiety and fear. I don't want my story to end that way. God doesn't want it to end that way. My pastor said yesterday we need to say this to ourselves, “I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I was.” A year ago, I would've never thought I would be flying all over the country let alone by myself. For me, it's about accepting the hard things I can't change and knowing I'm never alone. It's about believing there's always a light at the end of the tunnel even if I can't always see it. “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5. The light is Jesus and because of Him, I can count it all joy.

Much Afraid

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 18:09:01 GMT

There’s a book I read many years ago. It’s called “Hinds Feet on High Places.” It’s an allegory written about a little girl named, Much Afraid. Much Afraid was a member of the Fearing family. She had issues…some were physical but most of them were not. Her name says it all. Much Afraid worked for the Chief Shepherd who one day asked if she would like to go up the mountains to the High Places. He told her He would give her two companions to accompany her. Their names were Sorrow and Suffering. He said He would be with her all throughout her journey and she need only call out to Him and He would be there. In her heart, Much Afraid wanted to go but she was terrified of what could happen as she tried to climb with her disabilities, let alone hold the hands of Sorrow and Suffering. Her Fearing family tried to prevent her from going and almost succeeded but in the end she broke free of them and started the journey.

Much Afraid encountered many obstacles as she climbed up to the High Places. Her Fearing relatives pursued her and her worst fears became a reality. Several times she tried to drop the hands of Sorrow and Suffering but each time she did, the fears would attack. Every time she felt there was no way out, she called out to the Shepherd who came immediately to her side as He promised and His perfect love cast out all her fear.

Oh, how I identify with Much Afraid. I am that little girl who has been trying to climb the mountains of life to get to the High Places where there are no more tears. The difference between us is that for most of my life I have refused to hold the hands of Sorrow and Suffering. They’ve been with me all along but I felt that to embrace them would show weakness and admit defeat. What I didn’t realize was how much I needed them to reach the top. If you relate to this, you’ll know it’s not just a matter of embracing the pain and suffering in our lives but crying out to Jesus who will give us the strength to go through it.

Personally, I am experiencing a season of incredible loss. The grief is so intense that I don’t know how I’m going to get through it but when I look up and cry out to Jesus, I feel a comfort that I can’t explain. I don’t understand why everything is happening all at once, but I do know that God knew it was all going to happen and has been preparing me for this time even though I don’t feel it.

This week I flew out to Colorado. I have family here that I haven’t seen in eight years. We talked many times about me coming to visit but it never materialized until now. I was originally supposed to come last month but life happened and my trip was postponed. When I was on the plane, it felt surreal. My family has a home near the foothills of Pike’s Peak. If you go out on their deck, there is a spectacular view of the mountains. In fact, I took the picture posted in this post. On my second day here, I received the news that my dear friend had passed. That, with some other loss was too much to bear. I didn’t think I could handle it all. I went to the window and looked up at the mountains and I heard this verse, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber” (Psalm 121:1-3). Is it a coincidence that I am here at this exact moment of time? What are the chances that I would be physically standing looking at one of the most breathtaking mountains in the country at a time of great sorrow and suffering?

I have gone out to look at those mountains many times this week when the grief was threatening to overwhelm me. It’s been hard to wrap my head around the fact that God loves and cares about me so much that He would orchestrate time and events just to comfort me but He did, and He does, and He will. Each time I look up at those mountains, it gives me hope.

In case you were wondering about Much Afraid, after a perilous journey, she reached the High Places where she was met by Jesus, the Chief Shepherd and Lover of her Soul. She still bore the scars of the journey but she was transformed. The Shepherd gave her a new name. She was now Grace and Glory. Her companions,

Sorrow and Suffering, also received new names. They were now called Joy and Peace. As she headed back down the mountain, she knew she’d never be the same. She was a new creation.

What I learned from this story was that Jesus always saw Much Afraid as the Grace and Glory she would become. That’s how He sees me. That’s how He sees you. Years ago He gave me a new name but it’s only been as I’ve held the hands of Sorrow and Suffering that I’ve seen it coming to pass. I am Freeindeed. What’s yours?

He who the Son has set free is freeindeed.” John 8:36

You Are Not Insignificant

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 17:03:33 GMT

Recently I started having trouble with my knees. It came out of the blue. At first it was annoying but now it's become pure frustration.

It's made me think how easy it is to take certain things for granted. What used to be an automatic response such as standing up from a sitting position has become a well planned event.

It's also shown me how each part of our bodies were intricately designed to accomplish a purpose and when one part suffers, it affects all the rest.

So it is in life. Each one of us was created for a very specific reason and we were meant to work together to obtain the end result…a life well lived.

I've gone through seasons of life where I've tried to do it all myself and seasons where I've embraced the gifts of others and worked alongside them. The latter is where the load was lighter and my joy greater. There's wisdom in the verse that says:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9

Life happens. Our bodies fail. Disappointments come. Things can be out of our control. We can keep trying to do it all ourselves but we don't have to.

I don't know where this journey with my knees is going to take me but I know regardless that I can't let it define me. I have an important part to play and so do you. If you're feeling insignificant today, I encourage you to look around you and see how you can come alongside someone who could use the gift you have to offer. You were created for such a time as this.

Kinsman Redeemer

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 21:05:24 GMT

Have you ever been in a season that was so dark and terrible that you thought you just might die from all the pain, confusion and heartache? Have you ever felt like you were just simply surviving from one minute to the next, unable to see beyond the overwhelming reality you were surrounded by? Have you ever found yourself looking around at your life only to see the wreckage left in the wake of your devastating circumstances? If so, you’re not alone dear friend, I too have been there the entire year of 2023 as I experienced continuous heartbreak, betrayal and trauma, all leading up to my current divorce. Even now as I am typing this right before New Years, it’s only been 3 weeks since my divorce was finalized.

The long and the short of my story is that after being together for 22 years, married 13 of those years to my best friend and high school sweetheart I find myself newly single, all alone, and having to not only heal from many years of trauma, but also having to completely rebuild my whole life. I never asked for or wanted this divorce but was forced into choosing one after my husband made a series of awful decisions. I fought long and hard for my marriage even until the very end, but it just wasn’t enough. I even exhausted every single resource and solution known to man to try and heal my marriage but eventually it was clear that divorce was the only way forward. My husband’s decisions and behaviors have not only left me traumatized, devastated and rejected; they have also left me all alone without a covering, provision, companionship, as well as a complete change in my identity.

There just aren’t enough words to ever fully describe the deep anguish that I have experienced during this past year-year and a half, especially those months leading up to my decision to file for a divorce, and even now as the full weight of my grief has begun to fully set in after losing everything…my husband and best friend, home, future plans and dreams, dreams for a family, and financial security. What I can say is that if it wasn’t for God carrying me through all the immense devastation and loss, I wouldn’t be here today. I’m not proud of it, but there were more times than I can count when I either contemplated taking my own life or was begging and pleading with God to take me home to be with Him in Heaven so that I wouldn’t have to suffer or be in pain anymore. That wasn’t however God’s plan for me, and though I don’t have any clue what His plans for me are even now in this new and uncharted season of my life, I am clinging to the truth in Jeremiah 29:11NLT when it says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” This scripture reminds me that if it’s not good yet, God’s not done yet. Now I’m not naïve enough to believe that this scripture means that my life with be perfect or trouble free, but I do know that it means that I won’t stay stuck in this season of deep anguish and grief forever because it also says in Psalm 30:11NLT “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy”, so I know that God’s not done yet because that’s what it says in His word and God’s not a liar, it’s not in His character to lie. And because God has and is still carrying me, I felt led to not only share a bit about myself, but also about something God revealed to me during this terrible season in my life that I pray blesses you dear friend during your own dark season of life.

About three months ago as I was trying to find an additional way to layer in the word of God into my daily routine and I came across a podcast that talked through a few chapters of the Bible each day working from Genesis to Revelations in 1 year. One morning while listening to the story of Ruth I heard God highlight the words, ‘Kinsman-Redeemer’, and though I had heard and read about the story of Ruth dozens of times before I was confused as to why God was highlighting those words for me. I quickly jotted the words down and continued about my morning routine. Later in my day I heard God vividly say to me, “I am your Kinsman-Redeemer!”. There it was again, only this time it was directed at me and now I was fully intrigued. How could a title used in the book of Ruth from thousands of years ago apply to me and my circumstances today?

As I researched the meaning behind a Kinsman-Redeemer I discovered that they are a male relative that had the privilege or responsibility to act on behalf of the relative who was in trouble, danger or need. The Hebrew term (go el) for Kinsman-Redeemer designates one who delivers or rescues. The very definition of a Kinsman-Redeemer is one who redeems what is lost. The Kinsman-Redeemer was also seen as a rescuer and restorer. In the story of Ruth, Boaz responded to Ruth’s plight with compassion, generosity, and without delay just as God is faithful to do the same for His own children in need as THE ULTIMATE Kinsman-Redeemer.

Let’s first refresh ourselves with the story of Ruth before uncovering the true meaning for the Kinsman-Redeemer and how it applies to us today. Ruth was in a great bind after her husband had passed away and was in an interesting position when Naomi offered for her and her sister in-law to go back to their families instead of following her into a new land. Instead of leaving and going back to what was familiar and safe Ruth had great courage and told Naomi in Ruth 1:16, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; where you live, I will live. Your people will be my people and your God will be my God.” In doing this Ruth pledged herself to stay faithful to her mother in-law and to God and was later on honored by God for doing so.

As the story continues, both Ruth and Naomi make it safely to Bethlehem and one day Naomi asks Ruth to go out into the harvest fields to collect the grain left behind by one of the reapers who might be kind enough to let her glean behind them. Ruth immediately went out to do as Naomi requested of her and while she was gleaning in Boaz’ field (who was a relative of Naomi’s late husband); Boaz took notice of her and granted her full access to his field, protected her from the servants of the field and even cared for her offering her water whenever she had need. When Ruth inquired of Boaz about his intentions behind such kind gestures Boaz mentioned that he was fully aware of everything that she had done for her mother-in-law, as well as the risk she had taken to leave her family and go into an unknown land, and then expressed his desire for the Lord to repay her for her kindness. When Ruth went home to share with Naomi all that had transpired Naomi rejoiced and spoke blessings out loud about Boaz and then shared that Boaz was a relative of her late husband and was one who would be able to redeem them, so Naomi encouraged Ruth to continue to stay in his field, close to his servants. Ruth did just so and was granted great favor by Boaz.

One day Naomi shared with Ruth that Boaz would be on the threshing floor and asked Ruth to clean up and put on her best clothes and then to go down to the threshing floor. Noami then told Ruth to wait until Boaz had eaten, drank and laid down, then encouraged Ruth to uncover his feet and lie down at his feet and wait to see what Boaz says to her. Ruth was faithful to do as she was told and in the middle of the night Boaz was startled awake and found Ruth lying at his feet. When Boaz asked who she was Ruth asked him to put the corner of his garment over her because he was the Guardian-Redeemer (which is a legal term for one who has an obligation to redeem a relative in serious difficulty) of her family. Boaz’ response was one of great kindness as he spoke blessings over her, but immediately informed her that there was another who was more closely related and would need to see if that man would be the one to redeem her instead. Boaz blessed her with an abundance of food and sent her on her way. After going home and sharing what had happened Naomi encouraged Ruth to wait and see how quickly things would be resolved. That same day Boaz went to the town gate and waited until the family redeemer came by Boaz then asked to speak with him after collecting 10 leaders of the town to be witnesses. As Boaz shared about the property, as well as Ruth this male relative was willing to redeem the property, but not the widow and thus gave up his right to redeem. Upon doing this, Boaz was next in line and he became the kinsman-redeemer, ultimately redeeming her property and her name. Ruth and Boaz’ marriage was blessed in many ways and the Lord restored and redeemed all that had been lost for both Ruth and Naomi in this union!

After re-reading the story of Ruth and digging a bit deeper into how this applies to Jesus being our Kinsman-Redeemer I discovered that there were 4 requirements to being a Kinsman-Redeemer. The first requirement is that a person could only be a Kinsman-Redeemer if you were a Kin. They had to have some type of relational tie to you, essentially being of the same kind as you and because Jesus took on human flesh to be in human form like us, He too became of the same kind as us just as it states in John 1:14NLT “So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son”. The second requirement was that the person had to be willing. Just like in the story of Ruth and Boaz the relative before Boaz was not willing to follow through on the redemption and if the person is not willing, they can’t be forced to do it. Being willing is at the very heart of what a Kinsman-Redeemer is, and that is the total heart of Christ. Jesus gave up his life as a sacrifice of his own free accord, no one forced Him to, just like it says in John 10:18NLT “No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. For I have the authority to lay it down when I want to and also to take it up again. For this is what my Father has commanded.” The third requirement is that you had to be able to redeem. Willingness by itself was not enough for someone to be a Kinsman-Redeemer, you had to have the financial means to be able to follow through. In the same way Jesus was able to redeem us because his death and obedience was all that was needed to bring about our redemption. The fourth and final requirement is that the person had to pay the price in full in order to redeem. Because there was no such thing as partial redemption the redeemer had to pay in full or they weren’t able to redeem. With Jesus he paid the complete price for our sins which makes our redemption complete just as it says in Titus 2:14NLT “He gave his life to free us from every kind of sin, to cleanse us, and to make us his very own people, totally committed to doing good deeds”. Another words, our Kinsman-Redeemer restored everything that was lost and has given us a new identity in Christ when we accept Christ into our hearts.

As I took in all that I read, and all that God revealed to me I began to fully see how the term, Kinsman-Redeemer applies to my life and yours today. First, here is the major take away from the story of Ruth, it illustrates how God often works quietly behind the scenes to provide a solution to our every problem. What a beautiful thing isn’t it?! Even when we can’t see or feel the hand of God, He is still at work in our lives! What that tells me is that even in the midst of complete turmoil, uncertainty and all-consuming grief we know that God has never left us or forsaken us and is working everything together for our good just like it says in Romans 8:28NLT “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”. And just like Ruth, who came before Boaz with boldness and received great favor and an answer to her problems, we too can come boldly before God and He will turn His ears towards us and answer our requests and cries to Him just like it says in Matthew 7:7NLT “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” And just like how Boaz was willing and able to redeem Ruth in her greatest time of need, Jesus is not only willing and able but is awaiting the perfect moment to also FULLY restore all that was lost in my life and YOURS, just like it says in Joel 2:25aAMP “And I will compensate you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust-“.

It finally hit me that God was highlighting Kinsman-Redeemer because He’s telling me that even though I lost my husband because of his life choices and not death, God is willing and will be redeeming me and my life circumstances! Even though I have no marital and spiritual covering now, God is saying He will be mine! Even though I don’t know how I’m going to make it financially on my own, God is saying that He is my provider! And even though I have no companion and have lost literally everything in this process God is saying that He will restore everything! And though I am no longer considered a wife (a title and position I dearly cherished) and now have a new identity as a single woman, God is reminding me that my TRUE identity is only found in Him first and foremost as His beloved daughter; and the loss of that identity, as well as all of the immense loss that I experienced doesn’t define me, who God says I am defines me! What a beautiful revelation this was for me….and I hope also for you!

I don’t know what you’re experiencing or facing today, dear friend, but I imagine you too know what it feels like to be drowning in deep grief or suffocating under the weightiness of a trauma that has blindsided you; and though our stories may not be the same, I imagine you can relate to the deep pain and suffering I have been experiencing. No matter what you’re facing today my prayer for you dear one is that the story of Ruth, pieces of my personal story, and this beautiful revelation from God brings you a greater sense of peace in the same way that it did for me. My prayer is that amid your heartbreak, chaos, and uncertainty swirling all around you that you can lock eyes with God, the lover of your soul and know that He is YOUR ULTIMATE Kinsman-Redeemer and is willing and able to show up in unexpected ways in your current situation. And just remember, even if God feels silent, He is always working quietly in the background on your behalf and will one day soon work everything perfectly together for your good. Until then, I pray that even in this moment you can close your eyes, take a deep breath, and lean back into the loving arms of our beautiful and loving Father who is fully in control, fully capable of supplying your every need, fully capable of healing all of the broken recesses of your soul, fully capable of reminding you of your true identity, and fully willing and able to redeem all that has been stolen and lost.

A Labor of Love

Fri, 22 Dec 2023 20:24:16 GMT

Traditions are a good thing. Every family has them to some degree …especially at Christmas. I've always enjoyed talking with others and hearing the traditions they have carried out for generations. Surprisingly a lot of them centered around food.

Growing up, the star of the Christmas dinner was always the ham with raisin sauce followed by a few side dishes and a dessert of my mother's famous nut rolls and cold dough cakes. My mouth waters just thinking about them. I remember watching her painstakingly spend hours rolling them out and spreading the filling on each one. I think she enjoyed watching us devour them more than eating them herself. It was a labor of love.

Once I had my own family, I continued the tradition but took it to a new level. We had the traditional ham and nutrolls but I expanded into dozens of various cookies and chocolates. Like my mother, I enjoyed seeing the pleasure on the faces of my family and friends. The tradition continued.

This year, things are different. With all my family moving down south, no one is coming home for Christmas. The oven is cold. The tree is still in the box and I've been desperately searching on how to keep our traditions alive.

As I'm writing this, I'm hearing these words, “and the greatest of these is love.” Life is not so much about tradition but the love that is behind it.

As I fly out next week to spend the holidays with some of my kids, I'm hoping we'll keep some of the traditions alive, but if not, we'll make new ones. Whatever we do, I pray it will be a labor of love because, after all, isn't that what Christmas is all about?

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

‭‭John‬ ‭3:16‬

What's Your Story?

Tue, 12 Dec 2023 01:34:16 GMT

What's Your Story?

We all have a story to tell. It's on going as long as we live. This is a part of mine.

Almost 20 years ago, I moved from one house to another in my little town. I have a cousin who faithfully sends me a Christmas card every year. For the past 20 years, it kept going to my old address even though I had sent her the new one. For many years, the husband of the couple who bought my home turned up at my door every Christmas with that card in hand. Sadly a tragic accident took his life about 5 years ago leaving his wife and young children behind. That Christmas I was humbled when his wife kept up the tradition of bringing me that Christmas card. She told me it wouldn't seem like Christmas until the card arrived. This opened a small window of communication between two strangers who had both suffered a tragic loss. You never know how God can use a simple, faithful gesture to bless someone. My cousin continued to send the card and my neighbor faithfully made sure I got it.

Today I felt compelled to write to my neighbor and tell her I was moving soon and not to worry about forwarding the card. As we messaged back and forth I was able to tell her how God strengthened me in those years after my husband died but I didn't know how much until I went through it. We talked about how even though life isn't fair and we didn't sign on for this part of our journey, ultimately we know God is with us. It makes all the difference.

Since I wrote this, I have moved. The Christmas Card arrived as usual last year and my neighbor faithfully delivered it. This year I received my card through the mail. I contacted my neighbor to tell her the post office had delivered it. I think we were both disappointed. ��

Let It Go

Tue, 05 Dec 2023 03:12:04 GMT

The past few days I've been decorating my new house for Christmas. What should be a fun time has been nothing but frustrating. I've collected a lot of decorations over the years and most have sentimental value. I had to sell or give away about half of them because I knew I could never use them all when I moved. At the old house, each piece had a specific spot and I rarely changed it. This year I'm working with a blank canvas. Nothing is familiar, so as I took each piece to find it a home, I felt the tension and anxiety rising within me. This morning I hit a wall.

As I opened another box, I noticed something Laura made when she was 7 yrs old. It was a reindeer face made of construction paper. Most of its features were triangle shapes except for the antlers. They were made from tracings of her little hands. As I pulled it out, I noticed it was pretty beat up. The face was crumpled and the antlers had torn. One ripped completely off. As I looked at it, that's when I hit the wall. I took my precious memory and got out the scotch tape. As the tears fell I heard the words "let it go."

It was at that moment I knew why I had been so frustrated and anxious. I was desperately trying to make the old fit into the new. I don't like change, I never have so when I'm faced with the unknown and situations I can't control, I fight the change with everything I have. I relive the days gone by hoping the memories would mask the change. It doesn't help. It only makes it worse.

That little reindeer face taught me something today. It's ok to let go. It may be hard and it may take time but it's going to be ok. I'll make new memories and life will be good. I don't want to be stuck in the past. I want to live life to the fullest but first I have to let go.

I'm going to start by asking myself each time I feel that anxiety, "is it worth it?" I already know it's not. I can't do this on my own. I don't have the strength but I know the One who does. This is a verse I came across a while back. I have it set as wallpaper on my phone so I can see it every day. It's my prayer. I hope it can help you let

go.

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

Isaiah 46:4 NIV

Just so you know. I taped that reindeer back together and I am going to hang it up on the refrigerator. Letting go doesn't always mean throwing it away. It means not letting it have the power to control how you live, think or feel. Some day that little reindeer will probably be thrown away but until then, I can let go and enjoy that precious memory that brings me joy!

God Doesn't Require Perfect

Fri, 01 Dec 2023 19:57:03 GMT

I recently was having a conversation with a new believer, who was sharing that he feels it is very difficult to be a Christian in today’s society. The temptation from the devil is prevalent, and he was not sure where to begin in his faith journey. He felt like he kept messing up and not doing “the right things.”

It got me thinking about when Jesus saved me. “I want to follow God but this is all new to me. What’s next? How do I read the Bible? Where do I even begin?” Those are just some thoughts I had. I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, and I am one of the few believers in my family. In a way, I felt alone, but all I knew is that I asked God to be Lord over my life. Now looking back four years later, I am in awe of how far God has brought me. So, I want to share with you some thoughts the Holy Spirit spoke to me during my prayer time on how to take your next steps as a new believer.…

God does not look for us to be perfect. He looks for us to follow Him daily. We all have a past that we may not be proud of, and have done things that we wish we hadn’t; but do not let the enemy attack us in our thoughts about those things. The enemy is in the world, but so is God, and as children of God we are called to shine light in the dark world. Everybody’s walk with Jesus is going to look different. We cannot look at christianity as a checklist, marking off the boxes when we complete something. We just need to have a personal, intimate relationship with Him. What the enemy meant for evil, God turns to good. It makes me think of the worship lyrics that say “I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered and that’s why I trust Him.” There are many different influences going on in this world but we have the power of the Holy Spirit to be the influencers, not influenced. God is in control, but He is not a dictating God - He gives us free will. We have the choice every day when we wake up, before our feet touch the floor, to stretch our arms out wide, and say “God, use me today to further your kingdom, use me to lead people closer to you.”

Biblical community is key! The enemy wants us to be alone- he attacks us when we are in solitary and when we don’t surround ourselves with other believers. That’s why it’s so crucial to seek counsel, to pray and encourage each other. Do not look at your past and your mistakes as a failure, shame, guilt, or a burden, because that is all a lie from the enemy. We need to take our testimony, share it, and give God all the glory and praise. The power of your testimony will show people what He can do when you choose Him to be Lord over your life. There is power in your testimony, so He will equip you to share it! God is working through you. Don’t shy away from passing it on when the enemy tries to attack you, because he does not want you or others to know God. We should feel so incredibly grateful that God rules over the enemy, and we have the power through the Holy Spirit to rebuke the enemy when he tries to show up.

We cannot do any of this by ourselves. We need the Holy Spirit, so invite Him into your heart and ask Him to lead you. I encourage you to not be lukewarm, but to speak the truth in love every time God gives you the opportunity and watch lives be transformed.

Don't Forget the Gravy

Sun, 19 Nov 2023 23:27:16 GMT

Today was a busy day. I had back to back commitments and more than half of the day went by before it dawned on me that today was that day.

You know how there's a certain day that gets imprinted on your mind, such as 9-11? November 16th is that day for me. It was the day the love of my life went home to be with Jesus.

It was 2001 and the world was still reeling about what happened two months earlier on September 11th. My husband, Rob, was in the final stages of the cancer that would take his life.

I remember waking up to the sound of the phone ringing. Back then we still had landlines. It was the hospital telling me I needed to come immediately. I woke up my oldest daughter and told her to wake up her siblings and bring them to the hospital.

I don't even remember driving there.

He passed away a few hours later. I am thankful we each got to say goodbye.

Now 22 years later, the grief has changed. It's not about what I lost but about what could've been. I am thankful to say I am no longer angry but my heart still aches at certain moments. I still miss him.

Since he passed away right beforeThanksgiving, it was a rough holiday in our family for many years. I am happy to say that is no longer the case. We can remember the holidays we had and be thankful.

It's hard to be thankful when the pain runs deep but I've found that being thankful lessens the pain. So, I'd like to share what I am thankful for today.

First, I am thankful for my dear friends. I had lunch with two of them today and their love made me realize how blessed I am. To have good friends is a gift.. Second (this one's a crazy contrast but true nonetheless), I am thankful for my eye doctor. It was my first visit today and it didn't take me long to realize he was a character and an avid fan of crossword puzzles. The first part of my exam was spent trying to answer his trivia questions, such as, “what's a five letter word for type of boat?” I rolled my eyes at the answer but it made me laugh. It lightened my load and I am thankful. (The answer is “gravy “ by the way.)

So I guess what I'd like to say is that when you're having a hard day, I hope you have some moments where you can be thankful. Call a good friend, do something that makes you laugh. I guarantee it will make you feel better.

I'll be away next week so I wish everyone a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving! And don't forget the gravy!

Just Breathe

Mon, 06 Nov 2023 14:41:53 GMT

Last Saturday I helped my daughter and her family move over 600 miles away. I decided to stay for a couple of weeks to help her settle in, but if I'm being totally honest, I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind with packing and helping with the kids. I thought the busyness would be good but all it did was dull the pain of the inevitable. They were leaving and there was nothing I could do about it.

So today I finally took the time to go to the One who could. As I sat there wrestling with the anxiety, I heard these words, "can you trust me to breathe?" With my history of anxiety and panic attacks, I have come to find out how important it is to breathe.

In His word, God says He will perfect those things that concern us. I usually charge ahead driving myself crazy trying to figure it all out and there have been times I would forget to breathe.

When I stop and take the time to breathe, my heart rate goes down, my mind clears and I am able to lay down whatever has me upset.

Besides just filling your lungs, I can also take that same breath and cry out in fear or I can lift my voice and sing His praise. For those of you who don't know what this means, it's a matter of taking your eyes off of what is making you afraid and daring to trust the One who sees your yesterday, today and tomorrow. I will confess that this is not my strong point. I want to see results or answers to prayer before I give out any thanks or praise but this morning I stepped out of my comfort zone and played this song:

https://youtu.be/V39qPqyyB2A?si=JRtH4UINtCi20VuQ

I listened for a couple minutes and next thing I knew, I heard the words coming from my mouth. It changed my whole attitude. My fear turned to hope and that hope helped me get up and go about my day.

As the time draws closer for me to leave, my heart is already grieving what will be no more. The feelings of loneliness have already started to surface. It was during one of these moments I heard the Lord say, "Will you let her go at the expense of your own loneliness?" I want to say yes. In my heart I know that sometimes what I think is best for me isn't always the best for someone else. When I look back at the challenges I've faced and the paths that went a different direction from what I would have chosen, I can see the dots connecting in a way I would've never expected and it was a better way. It wasn't my way. It was His way.

So now, whether I'm feeling lonely and not knowing which path to take, I pray and just breathe.

Eight Glasses A Day

Mon, 23 Oct 2023 17:00:00 GMT

Eight glasses a day. That's how much water the average person should drink. I don’t know about you but I am not a fan of water…never have been. Back when I was a child, the only way I drank water was if it was mixed with Kool Aid or Tang. (Only those of you over 60 will remember Tang).

I have never been much of a drinker in general. There was a time frame where I drank mostly diet soda. In the back of my mind, I knew drinking all that soda wasn't good, but I really didn't care because I didn't have to, but last year something happened that changed my mind…I got dehydrated. It was frightening

Since that day, I have become a water drinker. For my age and weight, I should drink 81 oz a day! I don't like it and sometimes I still gag, but I force myself because I know that it's for my overall well being.

We can say that about other things in life as well. Some of us don't want to get up and go to work because our jobs are very stressful. Some mothers don't feel like cooking dinner every night because they're tired after a long day. Others may be weighed down from life's circumstances and it takes everything in them to put one foot in front of the other. If you find yourself in one of those places, I want you to know there is hope that something good is coming. There's a verse in Romans that says:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I have to admit this verse used to bother me because I didn't understand how something good could come out of something hard. Of course I wanted it to happen right away but I've learned that if I don't give up and keep doing what's right, even though it's hard and I may not want to, I will see God's goodness.

As you drink your 8 glasses each day or whatever challenge you're facing, know that God cares and is cheering you on. He is on your side. He will give you the strength you need and He will bring you through.

Deconstruction

Wed, 18 Oct 2023 15:01:09 GMT

Deconstruction- Not a threat to the church, but an opportunity of healing.

I have Tik Tok (gasp!). Something that I have noticed as a theme that comes across my profile, quite often, are from those who deconstruct from Christianity. I have been noticing that those who are deconstructing have been hurt by the church to the point that they do not know what is true to believe anymore. How can they believe in the loving God of Christianity, when those in power have brought hurt on those they are supposed to lead?

How can we, as Christians, help them journey toward healing instead of judging their crises of faith? Usually those who are in that season are angry. Digging through the anger is a tough journey, and I have been there. I know what it’s like to be angry and I remember having thoughts like: “Everything I believed must be a lie? I don’t want to give up on Jesus. I believe in him. But others who represent him have completely shown me a Jesus that I cannot get behind”. Those type of thoughts can be paralyzing. The fear of “losing my salvation” (whether you believe in that or not) became even more a reality. I felt my whole world shaken, and had panic attacks even at the thought of attending church again.

Many of the thoughts that enter the person’s mind can be used by the enemy to continue to hurt the individual and keep them running away from church. Church is not greater than God. A pastor is anointed to lead a church, but that is not an anointed to the level equal to God. A pastor is a human. They are fallible and WILL make mistakes. I know I have. It’s unfortunately part of our sinful human nature.

If you are in a wonderful opportunity to help others who are on that journey, you can do a few things that are beneficial.

1. Don’t take sides. Even if the pastor was wrong, it is important to remember that this person needs support, encouragement, love, and not additional fuel to the fiery anger they feel within- even if the anger is justified. The Word of God teaches us “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:8, ESV)

2. Listen to the individual. Don’t just listen to respond but listen to understand. “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. ” (James 1:19-20) In their anger or pain, they might not be able to hear very clearly, so the ownness is on you. Listen to understand and help the individual feel safe with you.

3. Keep it confidential. Do not go to the church leader yourself to try and solve this. The person on this journey needs time to reconcile their pain with the truth.

4. Remind them that the pastor/leader is not God. The truth is Jesus is not the one that caused the pain or hurt. The person who hurt them will be held accountable by God for their actions or inactions.

5. If the issue they bring forward warrants an appeal to the church board, or however that congregation’s accountability is set up, offer to go with them as support. Don’t go with an agenda to bring the other person down, but to bring it to the authority whose job is to hold leadership accountable.

6. Don’t feel you are absolutely responsible for the actions that the pastor/leader, or the person who was hurt will take.

7. Pray for and with them. Pray with them while they are confessing what’s happening. Pray for them when they are not in your presence.

8. Remember that this takes time. Do not expect for the person to find healing after one time of talking with you about it. I know on my own journey I still struggle with moments of grief and anger. I have to do my best to remember that justice is in God’s hands.

My journey of deconstruction is as unique as the next person’s. I never lost faith in Jesus, but I lost sight on how to trust others who call themselves Christians, especially leaders. Through counseling I am way better today than I was a year and a half ago as I was finishing my Master of Divinity degree. I can say that today, my faith in Jesus is stronger than ever and my loyalty to leadership is where it should have been years ago- not being blindly loyal to any one person or group. God used this journey to strengthen me and to experience His healing nature, His grace for others and I feel more loved by God now than ever before.

A final note is that deconstruction can turn into glory for God. If there is a problem with leadership, God will turn it towards good (Romans 8:28) IF we ask Him to and then allow God time to make it right. We do not take matters into our own hands, and we must encourage someone who is going through this process to keep their faith in God. God, being the King of justice, will handle any due justice His way and in His time. That is probably the hardest lesson for me to remember as I recover from my own deconstruction journey.

Second Chances

Wed, 11 Oct 2023 01:38:53 GMT

The other day I was having breakfast with my family at a local restaurant. It had good reviews and was very crowded so my stomach growled in anticipation. While at this restaurant, I observed two of the patrons sending back their dishes because the eggs were undercooked. The waitress apologized and returned shortly with their eggs cooked to perfection. I thought this was the end of the story until I heard their little girl tell her mother she hoped they would come back. It was her father's response that shocked me. He told his little girl that "Mommy doesn’t give second chances." That was a pretty harsh statement for a plate of undercooked eggs. It made me wonder if she applied the same rule to people.

Imagine a world without second chances. For one thing, there wouldn't be any long lasting relationships and divorce rates would be even higher. People would keep each other at arm's length for fear of being offended. A world without second chances is one without love, forgiveness and mercy. It's devoid of peace as there is a drive for perfectionism. I wouldn't want to live like that. I couldn't live like that.

The Bible talks about second chances but it's called by a different name. Its name is redemption. Redemption is the act of redeeming a fault or mistake. It also means to rescue. In the case of the undercooked eggs, the mistake was redeemed but how do we apply redemption for a larger offense? First and foremost it takes humility. Humility is the willingness to swallow your pride, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

I am walking through a season with someone I love where redemption is not an option. For them, the offenses were too great and the pain too deep. There are no second chances. They say they've forgiven but have they really?

Lately, I've seen forgiveness in a new light. Recently I attended my 50th high school reunion. High school holds both good and bad memories for me. I had some wonderful friends but there were others who were very unkind and, in fact, brutal. Over the past few years, I've had to reconcile that part of my past and forgive those who caused me pain. However, as the reunion drew closer, I started getting anxious about seeing these people as old memories resurfaced. This caused me to doubt whether I truly forgave them.

The night of the reunion, I walked into the venue with apprehension. Throughout the night, I came face-to-face with the two I dreaded most and to my relief and surprise, it was all ok. There was no pain or animosity whatsoever. I learned that night that forgiveness involves letting go and repentance for the negative feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness, but it doesn't mean you forget what happened. That night I knew I had truly forgiven them and I could move on.

With one person in particular, there was a second chance. We had been best friends growing up but as we got older, we hurt each other and never totally moved past it. Without redemption, we wouldn't have a chance.

That's how God is with us. He's provided a way to get to know His love and forgiveness. He wrote a book about it. It's the story of redemption. It's called the Bible. I encourage you to read it. It'll change your life.

A Place of Honor

Tue, 03 Oct 2023 01:10:56 GMT

For those of you on this journey with me, I want to share something that has affected me greatly. I have traveled on this road for a very long time, and to be quite honest, I've wrestled with what I'm going to say.

I want to talk about mothers and fathers. Each of those words will mean different things to different people. Some will recall feeling loved and cherished while others will remember abandonment and rejection.

I remember the latter.

It's not that my parents were bad people. They had their own hurts and sorrows to deal with and I know they did the best they could. Unfortunately the damage was done and it created a gap in our relationship that could've been so much more.

I always regretted the fact that my mother and I were not close and I would sometimes question whether she really cared. Children are created to crave love and affection as well as direction. When that is withheld or ignored for whatever reason, it leaves an empty place that they try and fill. For me, I assumed an attitude of "if you aren't going to be there, I'll just do it all myself." Another word for it is " survival mode."

What I really want to talk about is what do you do with all of this as an adult. I remember my day of reckoning when I realized why my relationship with my mother was so strained and I always felt something was missing. I tried to be a good daughter but that wall between us kept me at arm's length.

As I started to see the whole picture, I was angry and I made the mistake of going to her and telling her how she had messed me up and caused me so much pain. I'll never forget hearing her start to cry on the other end of the phone and saying, "I did the best I could." At that moment, all of my anger dissolved because I realized that as a mother, that's all you can hope to do.

I wish I could say things turned around after that and our relationship blossomed into what I always longed for. It didn't but I had to accept it and be the daughter I was called to be.

I've always regretted it until today.

One of the 10 Commandments says, "Honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life" (Ephesians 6:1-3). It is the only commandment that comes with a promise which makes me think God thought it was important.

One of the definitions of honor is, "high respect for rank." What I realized was God wasn't telling me to respect my mother only if she was all I needed her to be; He was telling me to honor her because of her rank, her place in my life as my mother no matter what she did or didn't do. I needed to forgive her and move on knowing that I would be there for her when she needed it. It's taken a big load off my shoulders and the guilt and regret are gone.

If your parents are still here, I encourage you to take a good look at your relationship and honor them. It may look different for everyone. You don't have to be close to them to do this. In my case, I always welcomed my mother into my home and took care of her when she was ill. I am thankful for the memories of seeing her with my kids and the joy it brought to her and them.

If they have passed away, I pray that God would show you any way you did honor them as He did me. He doesn't want us carrying that burden, He wants it to go well for you!

It's Going to Get Better

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 00:29:04 GMT

"It's going to get worse before it gets better, but it will get better."

She was 17 years old when she heard those words. Her father had been fighting cancer for almost three years. He was in the ICU on a ventilator. There was no hope except for what remained in her heart.

She believed he would be healed but as her father started to decline, despair was rearing its ugly head. She was desperately clinging to her faith the night she heard those words.

She had never heard God speak to her before so she wasn't sure, but God had indeed spoken loud and clear. Her hope increased as she waited for a miracle. Surely that's what God intended.

Her father passed away a few days later. It was as if the rug was pulled out from under her and she began to wonder if what she believed was real. Was God real? Did she really hear Him? Why would He do this? This started her on a path she had never traveled. She had to find God for herself.

She had been raised in a Christian home. Her mother and father taught her and her siblings about God and they were always involved in a church community. They taught her God's word and tried to live it but it wasn't enough.

It took her many years to find Him. She went through seasons of grief, anger and doubt. She had to come to terms with the fact that if she was going to trust Him, she had to believe He was good. She had to lay down her will for His. She had to believe He loved her.

Has she totally arrived? No, none of us will until the day we stand before Him. We are a constant work in progress but God promises He will finish the work He started.

You may be wondering about the last part where God said it was going to get better. God used the tragedy of her father's death to bring her to the place she is today. It made her seek Him for herself and not depend on her parents' faith. It took her in directions she never would've traveled and has enabled her to be the woman she was meant to be who stands up for what she believes in and knows that it will get better. She is my daughter.

Hard But Not Impossible

Tue, 12 Sep 2023 13:27:47 GMT

You don't need many words to convey a powerful message. There's "I love you.", "Thank you," "Forgive me" and "Do it yourself" (I had to throw that in there. I have been the giver and recipient of all of the above but there is another phrase that has defined my life…hard, but not impossible. There have been many times in my life where I've heard myself say, "this is too hard." Today is one of them.

We all go through different seasons of life. For me, I'm in a season of letting go. Over the past year I've let go of many material possessions as I had to downsize and sell my family home. As I went through everything, I relived many memories and then said goodbye. When it came time to move, we packed the truck and I locked the door to the home that had seen both joy and heartache and I said goodbye. As hard as that was, it was not impossible. This year I have been faced with the hardest of all…letting go of my family.

Not quite three months ago, I said goodbye as my oldest son moved down South with my grandchildren. My heart ached to see them go. It still does but somehow life has a way of moving on and I'm moving with it. I felt I was finally getting my feet on the ground when another hard situation came up suddenly and pulled the rug out from under my feet. My oldest child and her family just told me that they too are moving down South. It knocked the breath from my lungs. All of my family will be far away. I never saw it coming.

My greatest joy in life has been my children and grandchildren. I've lived for the family dinners, snuggles and sleepovers. They are my ministry and they are my heart. As I sat here this morning, I told the Lord this was too hard. I've weathered storms and there were some I never thought I'd make it through, but this one, this one was too much. It was then, right there in that moment that I heard Him say those familiar words, "hard, but not impossible." I'm not going to lie. Part of me wanted to scream my head off but the other part of me felt the comfort that only He could give.

I sat there wrestling with my thoughts and then I reached down and picked up my Bible and this is what I read.

"Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls, Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! Habakkuk 3:17‭-‬19"

Hard, but not impossible. That's what these verses mean to me. Life may not bring me what I hope for. It may be filled with heartache yet I can still have joy. I can climb over the mountains because God will give me the strength I need no matter how hard it is.

If you're in a hard situation, I encourage you to sit somewhere quiet and read those verses. Your situation may not change but your heart will. My heart still aches but there's hope now because I know He cares. He met me where I was. He will meet you where you are because He cares. Going forward I don't know what this will look like. I have a feeling I'll be racking up a lot of frequent flyer miles, but the sun will still rise and set. Hard, but not impossible.

Pet Peeves

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 19:55:18 GMT

Do you have a pet peeve? I think we all do. Here are a few of the most popular:

Slurping
Spitting (I hate this…my dad used to spit out the car window and I was paranoid it was going to boomerang and come through mine!)
Tapping
Pen Clicking…guilty
Nails on a chalkboard…omg!
Leaving the lights on…ask my kids
Pet hair all over clothes, floor furniture. When I had dogs, I was a maniac about dog hair and we would still find it in the craziest places

Although most of the above are annoying, there's still one that rises above all the others for me…when I feel I'm not being heard. I've not been one to hold back my opinion, although I am learning how to keep my mouth shut on certain occasions. It bothers me most when I feel what I'm saying will benefit the other person. If I feel I'm not being heard, I just keep repeating what I've said multiple times hoping they'll "get it." Usually this ends with them still looking at me with a deer in the headlights expression or they change the subject. I've done this mostly with my family and friends but I also do it with God

Prayer is a conversation with God and its a two-way street. Most of my conversations with God have involved me telling Him about my situation (which He already knew), and then telling Him how I wanted Him to answer. Thinking back, He should've hit me with a lightning bolt, but He never did. Instead, He just kept waiting for me to "get it." If you're having a real conversation with someone, that means there's at least two parties talking and giving their input. Same with God.

God tells us to be still and not let our hearts be troubled. He doesn't say this for the times when everything is fine and going our way. He says it for those times when we are afraid, when we're hurting, when we're weary and in my case, when I'm not being heard.

When we're still before God, we can release control and put the chaos of this life to the side.

How do we do this? For me, it looks like this…I sit in a comfortable chair, acknowledge the thoughts that are distracting me and put my mind on Him even if it's just saying His name.

I've never been one to sit still for long and most times it may only be five minutes but there's no time limit.

I don't always come away with the answers to my questions, but I always come away knowing I was heard.

Never Alone

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 20:08:05 GMT

My biggest fears usually hit me when I'm alone. I guess it's because I feel more vulnerable. Today I decided to face one of my fears and I went for a walk by myself.

I am currently visiting my son in Georgia. There's a nice little lake a few streets down so I put my feet out the door and headed in that direction. When I got to the lake, I decided to take a grassy path that headed around one side of it. It wasn't long before I was in the woods and the nice grassy path turned into rough terrain where I found myself stepping over tree branches and wiping spider webs from my face. Some people would've stopped at this point and considered their options but I forged ahead.

I walked for another ten minutes or so and suddenly realized I couldn't even see the lake…I was lost. I knew I had a choice to make. I could panic and let fear take over or I could talk to my God who sees me and knew exactly where I was. I wasn't lost to Him.

I opted to pray and asked Him to get me out of there. I had seen a house through the trees so I headed in that direction. It sat up on a hill so I climbed up their lawn and came to an unfamiliar street. Thankfully I had my cell phone so I went to the GPS and pulled up my son's address. It was now 87° and a 30 min walk in the Georgia heat. I started the walk thinking I was going the right direction, I mean I knew the lake should've been behind those houses on the right even though the GPS wanted me to go left.

I had gone two blocks with sweat dripping down my back when I finally decided to swallow my pride and do what I should've done all along…I called my son. He picked me up 5 minutes later.

What did I learn from my little adventure? For one thing, I learned I didn't have to panic because I got lost, but most of all I experienced the reality of this verse first hand:

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you."

Isaiah 43:1‭-‬2 ESV

I am never alone, you are never alone. He will never let us out of His sight. He sees us, He knows right where we are. We don't have to give fear control over us.

I am planning on taking another walk to the lake, but next time when the path ends, I'm taking that as my cue to turn around and go back the way I came!

Stay In Your Lane

Fri, 18 Aug 2023 13:43:13 GMT

All of us have talents and abilities. Some are natural, others we have to work for. As I shared in a recent post, I do some cake decorating. I also crochet and like to sing. These all came pretty naturally and none really surprised me but there is one that took me quite by surprise…my writing.

If you would've told me a few years ago that I would be writing, let alone sharing it with others, I would've shaken my head and laughed. Not me, I'm a talker, not a writer. Funny how things change.

This isn't true for everyone but my writing was born out of desperation.

What started out as a cry for help turned into a song of victory. At first I would sit and pour out my thoughts on paper but eventually I started to notice that it was becoming more about what I was learning from my circumstances and not just the desperation for them to change.

I'd like to share something very personal with you. If you would see me behind the scenes getting ready to post, you'd see my finger hovering over the send button because I'm sharing private thoughts and feelings that may not have been shared with anyone else. Whenever you use a gift or an ability and you put it out there, there is always a risk of rejection and criticism but if you believe in what you're doing, it's worth the risk.

This week I found myself entertaining some thoughts that were starting to chip away at my confidence as a writer. I had entered a writers' challenge with a fine group of women writers from all over the world. Forty women were going to have their work published in a book next year. Needless to say, I held onto the hope that I would be one of them.

I received the notice that unfortunately my work was not chosen. Of course I knew that was a possibility as I'm sure they received thousands of entries but what bothered me the most was how I took that rejection and ran with it. I thought I had made some good progress in the rejection area but one email and bam, I started down that road. My thoughts went something like this, "I'll never be good enough; I'm not in the same league as these other women; I'll never be able to write like they do."

This afternoon, I sat with someone I trust and shared these thoughts. I had already started to realize that it was ok to be true to the gift I know God gave me. I don't have to imitate anyone else. I just need to be obedient to the message put in my heart and share it. The lady I talked to confirmed my thoughts with one sentence, "Stay in your lane."

I may never win any contests or awards. I may never be published or go beyond where I am right now but you know what, I'm ok with that. I've been given a song of victory to share. I started this journey with a prayer asking God that He would use it for even one person. That's all that matters.

Before I close, I'd like to share a verse that is so close to my heart. It was given to me back when I was crying out in desperation and my future was uncertain.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Isaiah 42:16 NIV

I didn't understand it then, but as time goes by, I'm starting to see it come to pass. It's not always about what we know but allowing yourself to step out and take a risk. And when you do, stay in your lane!

To Run In the Rain

Fri, 11 Aug 2023 01:21:49 GMT

At my age, you won't see me running unless my house is on fire, but as a child, I loved to run in the rain.

As my children were growing up, I used to put their bathing suits on and take them outside during a shower. I'll never forget the looks on their faces that first time. They went from disbelief to amazement to pure joy. It didn't take them long to start running and dancing and leaping into puddles. Usually it didn't rain for long but one time it rained so hard they were able to float on inner tubes! This tradition has now been passed on to my grandchildren.

How can such a simple thing as running in the rain bring such joy?

Maybe it's because we're living in the moment. When we start to feel the rain splash on our faces, suddenly we forget about what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. It's all about what's happening right then, right there and all you feel is sheer joy. And where there is joy, there is peace. In that moment, all the heavy burdens we've been carrying fall from our shoulders and there's a freedom like none other.

I've been striving for that freedom my whole life. Maybe you have too. What's it going to take? How do we get there? We'll get there by living in the moment. In order to have that joy and peace, it takes abandoning oneself and letting go of all that lies behind and all the unknowns ahead. I can't get there on my own, neither can you. All the cares of this world are bigger than both of us but they're not bigger than the One who made it.

As I write this, a verse just came to mind:

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

He created the rain. He's the God of the moment and He gave us the ability to run, sing and dance in it.

I haven't run in the rain for a long time but I would like to start. Physically I think I'll wait until my grandkids are here so my neighbors don't think I'm a whack job, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I want to start right here, right now. That's the first step. The second step is to be still and quiet my soul before Him and give Him everything that concerns me. It's asking Him all the hard questions and then trusting Him with the answers even if I never know.

It's hard, I know. I wish I could say I've arrived, but I do know that either I'll lie buried under burdens I was never meant to carry or I'll run in the rain. A little rain never hurt anyone.

Perfect Enough

Tue, 01 Aug 2023 16:53:20 GMT

Today I found myself thinking of my mother. She was born in 1915 and lived through the Great Depression. For some reason, the people in her generation didn't talk much about their past, but here's what I know about her. She was the third oldest of nine children. Her mother, father and oldest sister emigrated here from Yugoslavia in the early 1900s. Two of her siblings passed away from diphtheria as infants. When my mom was 15, her mother passed away at the age of 39. Her father drank and didn't take care of his family. My mother told me he beat her for eating a piece of meat from the smokehouse because she was so hungry. At that point, both of her older sisters had left home. She left soon thereafter. I can't even imagine leaving home when I was 15. I was barely out of the Barbie doll stage let alone having to fend for myself.

The story continues where she got a job working as a Nanny for a Jewish family. Over the next couple of decades, my mother found herself working in a hospital laundry and then a bakery. It was while she was at the bakery, a cake decorator took her under her wing and my mother discovered a hidden talent. She had an artistic flair and used it to create beautiful wedding cakes. It wasn't until years later that I discovered I, too, had the same talent.

Although I never decorated professionally, I did use that talent to bless family and friends as well as generate a little income when I was a stay-at-home mom. I now limit myself to making birthday cakes for my grandchildren.

If you've hung in there so far, you're probably wondering what this has to do with anything. You see this morning I was making a birthday cake for my granddaughter who's turning 4 tomorrow. She wanted a "Grinchy" cake…Christmas in July anyone? I always hold my breath when the kids tell me what they want because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it. I inherited my mother's talent but she was the artist with a blank canvas. I'm just a copycat. Since I can only draw stick figures, I've had to get creative using other means to get the desired results.

If you are a perfectionist like I am, I don't have to tell you the anxiety I would have every time I made a special cake. I would be in agony working on these cakes fearing the disappointment on my grandchild's face as I focused on each tiny flaw, until today.

I started off by waking up before dawn and I knew it was because I was feeling the pressure of producing the perfect cake. Soon after I was mixing and baking. It wasn't until the second layer that things went south. As I was flipping the cake onto the bottom layer, it started cracking and falling apart. Normally this would've sent me into panic mode but instead, I took a step back and asked God for help. Yes, I asked God to help me fix this cake.

The Bible talks about how He knows the exact number of hairs on our heads and He's aware of every sparrow that falls to the ground. I truly believe He loves it when we ask for His help even in the small things. He doesn't want us stressed and anxious about anything and He never expects us to be perfect.

He answered my cry for help and I finished the cake even with a few other challenges. As I stood back to look at my handiwork, I heard myself saying, "not perfect but perfect enough." How I want to apply that to every area of my life. The first place I need to start is by not comparing myself to anyone. I've placed my value of who I am based on other people's thoughts and opinions my whole life. One of the ways I'm recognizing it is my attitude when I'm with others, especially family. If they're happy, I'm happy. If they're not in a good mood, neither am I. Does anyone else do this?

I know this won't happen overnight night but I believe the first step toward change is awareness. I will keep asking for His help but the difference will be that since He is perfect I can be ok with being "perfect enough."

It Starts With a "p"

Thu, 20 Jul 2023 18:38:18 GMT

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22‭-‬23 NIV

I don't usually begin my writings with a Scripture, but this is where this one began. I've read this verse many times, even memorized it, but this time one word stood out to me, "forbearance." It's not a word we would use today. We know it simply as the word, "patience." I don't know about you, but that word can make the hairs stand up on back of my neck.

I came across this word as I was reading a post about praying for my adult children. If you have any, you know as well as I do that we need to have patience in all aspects of our relationship with them.

Being a "word" girl, I went to the dictionary. Here's what I found:

the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay.

It was #1 that made me say, "ouch!"

To be honest, I don't even realize I'm being impatient until it's escalated beyond that. All I know is that I feel irritated or angry. Left unchecked, it can spread to different areas of life. For example, whatever I'm doing, I just want to get the job done. Anything that stands in my way can set off the impatience meter. Most of the time it involves waiting…waiting in traffic, waiting in a line at the grocery store, coffee shop, doctors office, you name it. I usually end up frustrated and totally miss the joy of accomplishing whatever it is I set out to do.

This leads me to my next thought. If I'm missing out on the joy of the moment, what else am I missing? I went back and looked at the list in the verse and I had to ask myself, "If I'm missing out on one, am I missing out on the others?" I can easily see how it happens. Think about it. If youre angry, frustrated and irritable, even if you're sad, it's hard to have joy and peace let alone the rest. I'm not saying we can't or shouldn't be angry or have negative emotions. God made us with emotions…even Jesus got angry but He didn't stay there.

So, the next time I'm waiting or something isn't working out the way I think it should, I hope I'll remember this little self-talk and take my eyes off my feelings and the situation and put them on the One who gave me the emotions. He didn't give them to us to be controlled by them, He gave them to us to be used in the best possible way to have a full life.

If you find yourself struggling to find the balance, I invite you to say this prayer with me:

Lord, on my best day I get impatient. Would you help me to recognize when I'm getting off track and bring the impatience to you? I'm asking that if it goes beyond that and I find myself angry or frustrated, help me not to stay there. I don't want to complain or take my frustrations out on others. I need You Lord. I can't do it without You. Amen

It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 14:08:14 GMT

It Wasn't Supposed To Be This Way

My dream was pretty typical…grow up, marry the love of my life, have a bunch of kids and live happily ever after in our cute two story home with the white picket fence. Throw in a nice little dog for good measure.

Part of the dream did come true. I married Rob, the love of my life, had four beautiful kids, lived in a two story home minus the white picket fence and add the little dog and two big dogs. Sounds like a good life until that day…

In 2001 my husband developed what we thought was a bad cold with bronchitis. He was susceptible to upper respiratory infections and got them once a year like clockwork. This particular year, we didn't think anything out of the ordinary until it refused to go away. Our primary doctor was out of the country for a while so my husband saw her assistant. After several visits with no end in sight, she referred us to a pulmonary specialist. It was when he did a routine endoscopy that we were blindsided by the word no one wants to hear…cancer.

I still remember that exact moment the doctor gave us the news. Time stood still as my husband and I held onto each other and cried. Our four children sat out in the waiting room oblivious to the fact that their lives had changed forever.

Driving home from the hospital that day. I remember talking to God and saying, "I just want to know how this is going to work out Lord. Will he live or will he die? I just want to know." I was under the impression that if I knew what was coming, I'd be able to handle it better.

Over the next three years we prayed, quoted Scriptures on healing and refused to entertain any comments to the contrary. When my husband was in his last days, the doctors tried to prepare me for the inevitable but I refused to give up. Surely God was going to intervene. I had worship music playing in his room around the clock and even went so far as to throw a nurse out of his room for speaking negatively about my husband's condition. A few days later, I found myself a widow and a single mother wondering how we would survive.

It's been over 20 years now. It's been a long, hard road in many ways. There have been ups and downs, successes and failures. When I look back at the journey, I'm amazed at how I made it through.

For the first ten years, I could barely pray. I questioned myself and I questioned God. Was my faith not strong enough? Where did I go wrong? I was supposed to be a woman of faith. I felt like I was the victim of a cruel joke and its name was "disappointment." I was disappointed in myself, in others and especially God. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I remember taking a walk on a country road one summer's day and once again asking God how I got it all wrong. I heard Him say to me ever so gently, "Faith is still believing even when it doesn't go your way." Those words penetrated my soul. You see, I had felt like a fool for believing in Him. I would think about all the people who would sadly look at me while I stood my ground believing for Rob's healing.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Disappointment is a forerunner to despair. It needs to be recognized and dealt with before you fall into its trap. The other area it loves to take us is self-pity…I know it well. Neither one is a place where we belong.

One of the ways to defeat disappointment is to face it. As I mentioned earlier, I had a hard time after Rob passed away because I felt like a fool denying the fact that he was dying. I hoped all those doctors and nurses would forget I existed, but God in His mercy had a different plan.

It was several years after Rob's death and I was talking to a lady in my church. She was a nurse practitioner who was connected with our local hospital. As we were talking, she mentioned that she met one of the nurses who had been in the ICU when Rob was there. In fact, she was the very nurse I told to leave his room. The nurse practitioner went on to tell me that this nurse had never forgotten me…I started to cringe but what she said next almost brought me to my knees. She told me that the nurse said she had never seen such faith and it made her go and search for her own. I was humbled and amazed.

Life is full of disappointments for each one of us but I'm beginning to see that good can come out of them. The circumstances may not change but I want to believe that God sees what we don't. It may not be the way I thought it was supposed to be but it may be His. As I heard on that country road, "Faith is about believing even when it doesn't go your way."

One Step Closer

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 18:32:37 GMT

One Step Closer

Growing up I had one sibling, a sister. Her name is Sharon. When she was 18 months old, she had her first seizure. From that time on, my mother smothered her with over protection because she was afraid. It wasn't long until I joined in, and my sister never got to live her own life.

My mother and I were extremely controlling. We never let her be independent and as a result, she's never even had a home of her own.

She lived with my mother until mom passed away and then I brought her to live with me. She's been here 22 years now. I've known for some time now that even though we had the best intentions and tried to keep her safe, we only made things worse. It left my sister feeling worthless with no real purpose. If you've ever been there, you know what I mean.

I've told you all of this to tell you a story of redemption.

Just recently I had a revelation of sorts. I have been blinded with resentment because I felt obligated, even forced, to take care of Sharon. It made me angry and bitter, and I felt stuck in a place I didn't want to be.

I knew it was wrong to feel this way and I prayed many times asking God to forgive me and change me. I didn't even see it coming. All I know is that one day I woke up and I felt differently. It was like I could see Sharon for the first time. She had suffered so much and didn't know what it meant to be free and happy. It broke my heart.

This brought me to a place where I started to ask God what He wanted for her. He told me I had to be willing to let her go and put her in His hands. I had to let her make her own choices without judgment.

Sharon and I had a long talk, and I shared my desire to see her have a life of her own and be truly happy. Today we visited an independent senior living community as an option. Going forward l, I don't know what's going to happen, but it will be her choice.

It hit me today that somewhere in this whole process, the anger and resentment is gone and in its place is a caring and compassion that wasn't there before. I am so thankful.

Life is a step-by-step journey to knowing who we were meant to be and the God who loves us. He will never give up on us. He changed my heart and brought me one step closer.

Jesus Take The Wheel

Thu, 08 Jun 2023 17:42:12 GMT

When I say, Jesus take the wheel, I mean that literally. I was 25 when I had my first panic attack. My husband and I were driving home from his parent’s lake house in Canada. We figured we'd drive a few hours and then stop for the night. What we didn't know was that it was a national Canadian holiday and there were no hotel rooms for at least 200 miles.

We tried to make the best of it but the day had taken its toll on us and we were both exhausted. It was late at night and I was driving when the anxiety and exhaustion caught up to me and I was suddenly in a place of panic that I had never felt before.

That was over 40 years ago and that memory hung like a dark cloud over me every time I got behind the wheel. I would no sooner get on the ramp of the interstate and I would start to sweat as the negative thoughts raced through my head. It got so bad that eventually I gave in to the fear and decided only to drive on back roads.

That compromise worked and I got to where I needed to go but it came with a price…shame. When we let the negative thoughts and fears consume us, there is always a price to pay. I knew in my heart I needed to stand up to this fear but I was too afraid to do it.

There's a verse in Psalm 34 that talks about shame:

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." Psalms 34:4-5

When we look to God and lay our fears before Him, our countenance will reflect His glory and shame cannot stand in His presence. I found that out today.

Someone challenged me to confront my fear of driving. They suggested I start slow and only drive one exit. At first I was horrified but what they said next gave me courage. They said, Jesus is the same God on the back roads as He is on the highway.

I got in my car and made my way to the interstate ramp. The next thing I knew, I had driven 5 miles and exited on the ramp toward home. No panic but most of all, the absence of shame.

Most of us deal with shame on some level. Yours may be similar to mine where a particular fear has kept you a prisoner. I encourage you to go to the Lord, lay it at His feet and seek Him with everything in you. He will give you the wisdom, strength and courage you need and He will break the hold of shame over your life even if it's one exit at a time.

Lord, we are here to sit in Your presence. May we behold Your glory. As we seek You, deliver us from all our fears. Let us come away saturated with Your joy and Your peace. Guard our hearts and our minds as we move forward believing that we will know Your strength as we take the first step. Shame has no power over us when we look to You. Whether it is the beginning or the end of the day, fill us with a fresh resolve to trust in You. May Your Holy Spirit guide us and direct us in all truth. Amen

I Can't But You Can

Tue, 06 Jun 2023 18:58:59 GMT

I CAN'T BUT YOU CAN!

As I've looked back over my writings, I've realized there's a common theme. They've all been birthed from a place of pain. Pain comes in many forms and none are less severe than the other. It's a place where we can all relate whether it's physical, mental or emotional. For some it's a chronic illness with no end in sight, a financial burden putting stress on the family or the weight of emotional distress.

Because of my own walk with pain, I am learning the only way through the pain is by embracing it. What that looks like for me is sitting with God and laying it at His feet. When the pain starts, I turn my thoughts to Him and say, "I can’t, but You can."

During my battle with anxiety and depression, I have begged Him many times to take away the pain but I've come to see that without pain, there is no growth. I have spent years running from it and trying to manage (hide) it. How many of you know that doesn't work?

The past 4 years have been some of the hardest of my life but they are also the ones that produced the most growth…the difference, embracing the pain.

The most difficult times I have ever faced have been times of loss, and as I write this, I am facing another one. There are circumstances I cannot change and my heart is breaking.

I have cried out to God to change these circumstances to no avail. I've been waiting for Him to speak to me but it's hard to hear Him when you're the one doing all the talking. When I finally gave Him a chance, I heard Him say, "You will have the strength you need when you need it."

It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted the strength now. The pain isn't going to go away and the circumstances aren't going to change, but I know He will keep His promise today, tomorrow and whenever the pain is too much to bear. He will finish what He started in me, in you.

I was reminded recently that someday, all the pain, all the tears and all the scars will be no more. I want to focus on that as He walks me through the pain. There's a harvest coming.

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Tue, 23 May 2023 18:41:31 GMT

STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

This week has been a hard one where I was faced with several new challenges. I was feeling overwhelmed and defeated. As I was writing, this verse came to mind, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:5). Last night, the light broke through. I hosted a game night for the church ladies to get to know one another. It started out with apprehension and some confusion but it turned into a wonderful night full of laughter and joy. People entered as strangers but left with the start of a new relationship. They were strangers no more.

I truly believe we were meant to live in relationship with one another. Introvert or extrovert, it doesn’t matter. We need one another. It would be easy to blame COVID-19 for our lack of relationship, but if we’re being honest, for some of us, it started long before that. COVID-19 was a physically imposed isolation that we had no control over, but some of us had been isolating ourselves for a long time. Anxiety and fear will do that. Now that COVID-19 is in the past, we have to deal with the residue and decide whether or not to step out from behind our insecurities and fear or stay bound by them.

Being someone who has suffered from anxiety for decades, there has always been a tendency to pull back and isolate as a form of control and self-protection. COVID-19 fed that fear and made it easy to justify the isolation. I now find myself fighting for each and every step I take. Some days I ask myself if it’s worth the battle. I’m choosing to believe it is. I’m choosing to believe that there will come a day when I wake up without dread and I will face the day with boldness and courage.

In order to do this, I need God. I need His wisdom, His strength and His courage and I need to believe what He says about me. He calls me His beloved, the apple of His eye; His child. He tells me I don’t have to be afraid and I can do anything in His strength. Nothing is impossible with Him.

The other thing I need is relationship with others in a healthy way. I need to love and be loved, to build up and not tear down. It works both ways. So that’s why I hosted game night and will do so again. It was a big step but to be a part of that fellowship, hear the laughter and see the smiles on their faces brought healing to my soul. I felt alive again. Isn’t that what we all need?

I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. I’m not saying it’s easy but as you step out into the light, something will change…you will change. Send that encouraging text, pray for that person who’s struggling. Go for a walk and say hello to someone you pass on the street. Smile at someone you don’t know. One small gesture could be a life changer for you and for them. We were born to do it. We need to do it. There’s healing in it.

Simple Joys

Fri, 19 May 2023 16:40:58 GMT

Simple Joys

This week I've had the pleasure of taking care of my grandchildren for a few days as their parents are away. It's bittersweet for me because next month they will be moving to Georgia.

Along with caring for my grandchildren, my sister fell and broke her arm which involves doctor visits and surgery. I knew this week would be full of challenges both physically and emotionally but I also knew I would have a choice of how I would respond.

I have to admit it's been overwhelming and I've found myself gravitating toward the problems and how I was going to solve them. This morning I was reminded to see the simple joys all around me.

There's the joy of Owen yelling from the back seat to look out my side window where I saw a mother goose and her babies. There's the joy of reading them bedtime stories and singing to them as they fall asleep and there was also the joy of walking Owen to the door of his school this morning where he turned and told me to have a good day and then skipped down the hallway. (I smile just thinking about it.)

When I focus on those simple joys, my heart is lighter and I felt a renewed strength to keep on going.

I encourage you to look around you and find your simple joys. For you it could be in the smile of a loved one or a beautiful flower. It could be just taking a few moments to catch your breath while recalling a beautiful memory. Whatever it is, may it lift you up and bring you joy!

Children and Self-Regulation

andrea@lifefocuscenternj.org — Tue, 06 Dec 2022 17:00:45 GMT

This article was written by Esther Wojcicki and taken from the CNBC website. We found the information to be very beneficial so we are sharing on our blog.

Developing skills like curiosity, kindness and emotional intelligence at a young age will help kids succeed as adults. But there’s one skill that parents aren’t teaching their kids enough of today: self-regulation.

When kids learn to self-regulate, they better understand the importance of time and how to manage their own behaviors and actions.

Kids need to learn self-regulation now more than ever

Twenty years ago, children would meet up with friends in person, play outside, do puzzles and read books.

Things have changed a lot since then. We are constantly on electronic devices. And kids are tech-savvy. I’ve seen second graders demand cell phones from their parents to take photos or go on social media.

But it’s not so much the access kids have that worries me. It’s the lack of self-control and self-efficacy regarding the access. How much time should kids have on a digital device? How often should they use it? What should they be doing on it?

Self-regulation isn’t just about screen time. It ultimately helps them become more capable and confident in all aspects of their lives.

How parents can help kids self-regulate

Self-regulation begins to develop rapidly in the toddler and preschooler years, so the sooner we start teaching it, the better.

1. Model a healthy relationship with technology.

Think of the last time you were eating lunch while typing an email while listening to a podcast and checking your phone each time it dinged. We’ve all been there.

Children can have a hard time self-regulating because their parents model this behavior. Remember, our kids are constantly watching and copying us!

Even worse, a survey of over 6,000 participants found that 54% of kids thought their parents used their devices too frequently. Thirty-two percent of kids felt “unimportant” when their parents were on the phone.

Unimportant. That makes me sad. How many of us adults have felt that way when someone checked their phone during a conversation? Yes, phones are addictive, but for our children’s sake and ours, we must set boundaries.

2. Teach them to be patient.

Self-regulation is made up of many skills, and one of them is patience. A study on delayed gratification found that kids who are able to wait longer for rewards tend to have better life outcomes.

Here’s the opposite of teaching patience: letting a kid be online for the entire day — in the car, in restaurants, at the dinner table.

For my girls, waiting and saving were part of our lives. We didn’t have much money when they were growing up, so we saved for what we wanted. They each had their own piggy bank, and they filled them penny by penny. We even cut coupons from the newspaper every Sunday.

When they were able to purchase something they wanted because of their patience, they felt a sense of accomplishment.

3. Let them be bored.

As a teacher, my students would sometimes complain to me that I couldn’t hold their attention during lectures. But I never got upset or offended.

I seized it as a learning opportunity and said: “I want you to go home and ask your parents if they are ever bored at their jobs. If you come back tomorrow with the answer that they are never bored, you can skip my lecture.”

That got their attention. “Being bored is preparation for life,” I told them. “You are practicing right now.” They laughed, but they all understood. Life is sometimes, or often, boring.

But you can learn a lot during those moments. You can either go straight to your phone, or you can dream: What are your goals? What are your next steps? What obstacles are in the way? Where do you feel the most excitement, the most hope?

4. Set tech rules.

This is a no-brainer, but surprisingly, many parents don’t establish the ground rules.

Here some of my top rules for technology:

1. Set up a plan with your kids, not for your kids.

2. No phones during meals, whether in your house or someone else’s.

3. No phones after bedtime. Explain the importance of sleep for brain development, and remind them that their bodies grow when they sleep.

4. Use discretion with small children. Younger kids, starting at age four, should be taught how to use cell phones in case of an emergency.

5. Children should come up with their own cell phone policies for family vacations, or any kind of social activity where they need to be present. Be

sure to choose a penalty for disobeying their own policy (e.g., losing a certain amount of time on a device).

6. Discuss what pictures and audio are appropriate to share online. Explain that whatever they post leaves a digital footprint.

7. Help them understand what cyberbullying is, and its negative impact on others. I always say: “Laugh with your friends, not at them.”

8. Teach them to not give out personal identification information.

The goal is to empower them and teach self-efficacy. When kids can self-regulate, they are more likely to have more successful relationships with themselves and with others.

A Song in the Heart

Tue, 11 Oct 2022 15:36:43 GMT

A Song in the Heart

Do you hear the music?

I have loved to sing since I was a little girl. I can remember putting on shows in my best friend's garage. We would put on our fancy dresses, fix our hair and put on a little makeup. We couldn't have been more than 7 or 8. A nickel admission got you a bag of popcorn and the pleasure of hearing me sing, "Johnny Angel"...whoa did I just date myself!

Looking back, I can see I was born with a song in my heart. It's a precious gift that has surfaced at times when things were hard and the last thing I wanted to do was sing. When you have a song in your heart, it won't be denied for it comes from a place deep in your soul. You can push it back down and wrestle with it but eventually it will find its way out.

I've been wrestling with my song over the past three years. It's been a hard and challenging time for the world in general but, also, for me on a personal level.

I thought I had lost it at times because I couldn't sing, but now I know that my song isn't just about singing, it's about listening for the music. It can take on different forms and it has a name…its name is worship and God created man to worship Him.

Psalm 150:6 says, "Let everything that has breath, praise the Lord."

I used to think that worship involved singing but it's more than that.

Worship can be as simple as listening to the birds sing or feeling the sun on your face. It's in the rainbow when it bursts through the clouds and leaves you breathless. It's in the feeling of joy when you hear children laughing or the peace you feel listening to the ocean.

Does God need our worship? No, but He knew we would need it. When we worship, the cares of this world subside and we are able to find the place where our souls can rest. Our perspective can turn from despair to hope. It connects us to the heart of God.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of focusing on what's wrong. I want to focus on what's right. I don't want to miss out on what God is doing…I want to hear the song in my heart and in everything around me. You have a song. It may not be the same as mine but it's there. Listen for it!

From Head to Heart / From Knowing to Believing

Tue, 06 Sep 2022 18:01:29 GMT

From Knowing God to Believing in God

For many years I have been involved in ministry, from teaching Sunday School, to working on the staff of a church, to now running a counseling ministry. I knew a lot about God. I knew the Bible said that He loves me and that He sent His son to die for my sins so I could have access to Him. I knew that the Bible says He will never leave me or forsake me. I knew all the verses on fear and anxiety. Cast them on Him because He cares for me and come to Him when I am burdened and He will give me rest. Fear not for I am with you. Perfect love casts out all fear. Even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I don’t need to fear. I knew them all; memorized them, quoted them and prayed about them. With all this knowledge why then did I worry about everything? Why did I get mad when I couldn’t control certain circumstances? Why did I have fears that were sometimes paralyzing? I would take my scriptures and I would pray my little heart out. Please God, take away my fear and help me, Lord, not to stress over tomorrow. Help me, Lord, not to wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because I wasn’t sure if I said the wrong thing to someone or maybe a made a mistake at work or better yet, what if I got fired? I have seen God’s hand in my life and how He stepped in and turned me around. I have seen how He was using the things the enemy meant for evil and now He was getting the glory. I saw how He saved my marriage and taught me how to love my daughter and how to love my husband even when I didn’t “feel” like it. Yep, what was I missing? I knew all the right scriptures, but I still lived in a life of negative thinking, fear and worry. It just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t know what else I needed to do.

I had also been in a process of learning why I was struggling. Growing up I didn’t know what it was like to be loved or to have someone in my life that thought the world of me or someone I could trust that would always be there when I needed them. I always felt alone and scared of life. So, when people would tell me to “Trust God”, I would intellectually tell myself that I need to trust God, but how? I would literally beg God to show me who He was. I wanted to really know (heart know) Him.

One day, I had a strong feeling I should read the Old Testament with a purpose! I knew it must be God impressing this upon my heart as reading the Old Testament was a difficult task for me. I didn’t understand it and I didn’t really see its relevance in my life for today. But I felt as if I was supposed to start reading and write down every time I saw God active in the Israelites lives. I believe I may have started in Kings; I don’t really remember where I started but I was blown away by how often God was involved in everything they were doing. Sometimes, He would put thoughts in their minds, and sometimes, He would put thoughts in the minds of others about them. He would provide for them and be with them to fight battles that were impossible to fight to the human eye. He would protect them from enemies, and He would allow them the consequences for their disobedience. I just kept writing and writing to the point that I had to just start underlining because I was constantly writing!

Then I got it! I remember closing my Bible and I said, “ok Lord! In the Old Testament, the Israelites were Your children. You are God and You can choose whoever You want. But now You say that You have chosen me. I have been grafted in and You have made a way for me to be Your child. And if You are that active in the Israelites lives, then You want to be that active in mine.” It was that moment that I took what I knew in my head and decided to believe it. God is not earthly, He is God. He is perfect and His love for me is perfect. I didn’t have to ask God to help me not to worry because He told me not to worry. I didn’t have to ask God to be with me because He told me in His Word that He is with me, and He will never leave me or forsake me. I don’t have to ask God to take my burdens from me, I can just give them to Him and then I can expect He will give me rest because He said He would. I don’t have to ask God to help me not to have fear because He told me I don’t have to fear. That day my life forever changed. God is active in my life, every part of my life. He knows everything about me, and He sees every decision and path I choose. I trust Him to guide me in the way He wants to guide and lead me. I can now see God in all that I do. He is faithful even when I am not!

For years I imagined God as a person; a sinful human being who would only disappoint me, punish me and judge me. God is spirit (John 4:24). My favorite verse is Psalm 139:7-12:

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is a light to you.

I write this to encourage you on your journey. If you struggle, as I did for many years, with knowing about God, in your head, but not believing him, in your heart, tell him! He already knows and He will lead you to a place where He will reveal to you who He is. (Luke 11:10)

LFC's Biblical Foundation in Counseling

Tue, 19 Apr 2022 15:46:34 GMT

At Life Focus Center, the Bible is the foundation of our counseling. We are ministers of the Word!

There was a time when counseling was a key focus of Christ’s church, but much of today’s counseling has been turned over to the work of others who suggest ways that differ from the biblical pattern and are often in conflict or even opposition to it.

LFC's basis for counseling is nothing other than the Word of God (both Old and New Testaments). The Bible is our counseling textbook because the Bible deals with the same issues that counseling deals with. The Bible was written to help man come to a saving faith in Christ and then to transform him into His own image (2 Tim 3:15-17). Since counseling is the process of helping others love God and their neighbor, we can see no other reason to use any other text. Counseling is all about changing lives by changing values, beliefs, attitudes and behavior and there is no other source that can provide a standard for such changes. The Bible is the only source that tells us how to make changes in a way that pleases God.

Did you know that man was made to be dependent upon God? (Acts 17:28) We are not autonomous. From the very beginning, God’s word was a necessary factor in human existence. If we did not have the Word, we would have no personal ability to understand or make sense of this world in which we live. Adam didn’t just do. God told Adam how to do. Without God’s word, man is destined for misery because the universe and man would not be properly understood. Things would appear chaotic and ridiculous. There would be no standard or basis on which to make decisions. Since mankind has been created to be dependent, trying to rely on ourselves is rebellion and bound to fail. It is because of this rebellion that we are in need of Biblical counseling today.

For more information about Life Focus Center, or to book an individual counseling session with one of our experienced counselors, visit our online portal here, or contact us by phone or email.

Learning Surrender

Thu, 03 Mar 2022 19:58:02 GMT

One of the words that have been brought up constantly this year for me is the word SURRENDER.

This past year has been a year of craziness with continued change and hardships for many around me. I don’t know about you, but not having much control in my environment can be challenging; almost painful at times. This same idea of surrender has been brought up constantly in my counseling sessions, leaving people hopeless, angry, stressed, fearful and more. There has been a big shift this year in what we know as “normal,” but this shouldn’t take us by surprise because one of the most consistent things we have in life is change. Things are always changing, in relationships, jobs, and the world around us. Regardless of the knowledge that things will change it can still be hard to deal with.

So my question to you is why? Why is it so hard to deal with change when it’s something we have always experienced in life? Shouldn’t we be experts on this by now?

Most of the time change is hard to deal with because of the fear of the unknown and being uncomfortable. Comfort is something we are constantly striving for, the comfort of knowing that we have a plan or that things are going to work out in a way that won’t disrupt our lives. We seek comfort in our homes, our health, and our job security. We seek comfort in knowing we have the finances to continue maintaining our lives, how they are or even better than we have been living. We like knowing that our go to people will always be there for us. We also seek comfort in our freedoms and those not being taken away. The list can go on and on because we seek comfort in everything we do. We even seek comfort in things that aren't the best for us, like unhealthy relationships, drinking, explosive anger, unforgiveness and again the list can go on and on.

The problem with always seeking comfort is that it keeps us from being uncomfortable. The reason it’s a problem is because our growth as humans takes place in the discomfort. But we don’t like the feeling of not being in the position of God, so we are constantly fighting for it, even when it’s not ours to have. We want to know the future in order to hold on to the comfort. We want to control the outcome in order to “will” our expectations into existence.

This is not our job. We are not God. We cannot see what is to come and we cannot always “will” our expectations of life into existence. We don’t like that so we fight with everything in us and when it doesn't work we are left hopeless and angry. This brings me back to the idea of surrender. In reality, we are not the ones that hold the world in our hands. It’s our job to hand control over to God; to stop trying to obtain it and to place control in the hands of our Lord and Savior.

So how do we do this practically in a way that works?

We cry out just like Jesus did before he we taken to the cross:

“And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that if it were possible the hour might pass from him. And he said, ‘Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’” (Mark 14:35-36).

Jesus cried out for a different path; one that might not be as painful, but as he was crying out for a different way he still handed the control back to God in saying, “yet not what I will but what you will.” This is painful to hear and see. If Jesus was struggling, then how much more will this be a struggle for us to surrender to God’s will? Could you imagine if Jesus didn’t step into the discomfort? Things would look very different for us. He stepped into the discomfort regardless of what he truly wanted to do because he had faith in God and God’s will for his life here on earth. The growth and reward could have never taken place in a different way.

It was hard, it was painful and it was definitely uncomfortable but it was the only way. God didn’t want to see his Son suffer just like he doesn't want to see us suffer, but sometimes it’s the only way for things to happen that need to take place. Even in the discomfort of it all we have one comfort to hang onto. That comfort is God and his truth and about who we are in him. Abide in him and he will abide in you.

Our Father and Friend

Wed, 01 Sep 2021 15:02:07 GMT

Praying has always been a part of my life. As a young girl, I knew you could tell God anything and He’d listen, but I never took full advantage of that. All I ever did was say a small prayer at the end of each day, that felt enough for me. When I needed to open up about something I was struggling with, I’d always run to my friends for advice and comfort. This worked out pretty well for many years, until I found myself in a situation where their advice and comfort was no longer enough.

Suddenly, I lost my dad and my whole world came crashing down. Although many of my friends were there for me, this was different. I needed a different kind of comfort and peace. I knew I wouldn’t be able to find that in just anybody - so I decided to begin writing out some of my prayers. I told Jesus, in many details, about all my doubts, fears and emotions (that at the time, were all over the place). All I wanted was to feel His comfort through my prayers. My life and walk with Jesus began to completely change. I realized then that Jesus was not only my Father, but also my friend.

I discovered through losing my dad that Jesus always wanted to be my best friend. He wants to hear all our questions. He wants to know about all our fears and doubts. He wants us to pour ourselves out to Him!

So you might be thinking, “Where do I even start?”

The Lord tells us in Matthew 6:6 to “find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God, and just be there as simply and as honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God and you will begin to sense His grace.”

That’s exactly where God wants us to begin: quietly and secluded, with simple words and a humble heart. To you that might look like a prayer walk, journaling, or maybe even prayer through worship songs. Whichever brings you closer to His presence, I encourage you to take full advantage of it. He wants this relationship with you and He can’t wait to hear your voice.